Page 28 of His Flawed Ride (Sons of Lost Souls MC #16)
Chapter Twenty-Six
Shane
I ’ve sunk five beers and four whiskeys and I’m stone cold sober.
Lily was… is dead. How long was she lying there lifeless before I found her?
I slam the empty beer bottle down on the bar and demand another.
I should’ve gone to check in on her last night.
I’m in disbelief she’s gone, but then, I don’t know her well at all…
knew her. I get what other men saw in her.
The way she can… could, hold your attention.
The way her body moved knowing exactly what a guy liked and wanted. Such a sad energy about her.
I take the beer the prospect hands me and sink half the bottle when Annie slides onto a stool beside mine.
“Feeling any better?” I ask.
“Much. Though…” She looks around then back to me and frowns. “Has something happened?”
I finish my beer and sigh. “Slade’s sister killed herself during the night. I found her this morning.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Guess that explains why you have a glassy eye about you. Was she someone to you?”
“Something and nothing. Before you, but she had become a friend.”
After a moment of silence, she says, “This nausea is returning, how about you take me out somewhere to distract me?”
I eye her. She’s no longer washed out or heaving. I’m guessing she’s trying to distract me.
Lily is gone but Annie is here and she’s carrying my kid. What she wants, I will make sure she gets it.
“Sure, but you’ll have to drive.”
Stepping out of the bar, the alcohol I’d consumed starts to hit me. Once in my truck, I wind the window down and soak in the breeze clearing the alcohol away.
“What was she like? Slade’s sister.”
“I didn’t really know her well enough to know that, but from what I saw, she was sad.”
“I thought you said she was a friend?”
“A new friend.”
“Got ya.” The old purr of my truck fills the silence that falls between us.
I’ve never given much thought to why people take their own lives. I get it. Some people’s lives are riddled with mental pain and physical scars, some too much to bear. Trauma can be a noose around the neck long before their last breath.
“Since I don’t know the town well, I’m gonna park up out here and we can just talk.”
Parking under the shade of a tree, the cool breeze is welcome.
“Is there anything you want to know about me?” she asks. “I mean, we talked a lot the night we met but we didn’t cover everything.”
“I guess the only thing I want to get clear is why you don’t want to be in our baby’s life. Do you think you won’t be a good mom?”
“I’m not a good person, so I can’t see how I’d be a good mother.”
Surprised by her answer, I laugh. “How are you not a good person?”
“I’m selfish. I love my sleep. I love spending my money on myself. I love to party. I like being free to do as I wish, when I wish.”
“At least you’re honest, but I’m sure many people feel this way but feel different when their kid arrives. You care enough to continue the pregnancy.”
“I do care that it has a good life with you. I care that it’s healthy. I care, but not enough to give up my life.”
“Will you want me to keep you updated on the down low?”
“I don’t know.” She glances over at me and asks, “Do you judge me?”
“Not at all. I get that everyone is different, and they handle shit in their own ways. I’m just glad you came to me. Whether you’re in our child’s life or not, you’re always going to be the mother of my child. If you ever need me, I’ll be here.”
Her smile reminds me of the night we met. Open and beautiful. No trace of being on guard.
“It’s a strange place we’ve found ourselves in, isn’t it. I was expecting you to either not believe the baby was yours or not want it and send me away. And here you are, not even angry that I don’t want to be a mom.”
I huff. “I think if more people were truthful about what they wanted or didn’t want, the world would be a much better place.”
“What will you tell the child when it grows up and starts asking questions?”
I laugh. “Fuck knows. It hasn’t even crossed my mind yet. But I wouldn’t do you dirty.”
“It’s more than I deserve.”
“Look, you know what you don’t want and having a kid is a big responsibility.
You’ve done the right thing by coming to me.
I will make sure our kid is safe and do everything else a parent should do, it’s what you’re doing now.
You’re making sure our baby is going to be safe and looked after.
You’re already being a mom whether you want to be or not. ”
She narrows her eyes as she looks to me. “Do you hope I’ll change my mind?”
“We’ve got a few months left, of course I hope you’ll change your mind but if you don’t, I’ve got us both covered.”
“What would that look like?” she asks, adding, “If I changed my mind?”
She’s certainly distracting me from Lily’s death with these questions.
“We could co-parent. I’ll always make sure you don’t go without.”
It’s not until later that night as we’re lying in bed, her on one side and me on the other, that I realise her mood shifted after I imagined us as co-parents if she went on to change her mind.
We still talked all afternoon and into the evening before driving back to the club, but it wasn’t the same and I didn’t see her openly smile again.
Did I say the wrong thing? Doesn’t everyone who isn’t in a relationship want to co-parent?
I made the mistake of not knowing Lily well enough, I’m not going to make the same mistake with Annie. First thing tomorrow, I’m going to ask Zach to find out everything he can on the mother of my child.
There weren’t any sightings of Hog Fuckers within three towns of Willow’s Peak and once we’ve updated Leo, Zach and I split off and I walk over to Annie as she reads one of her books at a picnic table.
“I’ve been to town, and I couldn’t find anything suitable to rent. I’ve arranged for you to stay here, over in the main house.”
She asks, “Will you be staying with me?”
“I can do, if that’s what you want?”
“It’d be weird staying somewhere alone when I don’t know anyone.”
“I get it. What will you do when the baby is born?”
“I have time to figure it out.”
“I’ll move your things across soon.”
“Sounds good. Are you busy this afternoon?”
“Not that I know of, why?”
“I was wondering if you would show me around town? I want to see where our baby is going to grow up.”
I frown. “You wanna know a lot for someone who doesn’t care.”
“I thought we established I do.”
“True.” I sigh. “Yeah, okay, why not. I warn you though, there’s not much to see.”
I couldn’t care about the town but if it makes her happy and keeps her stress free, it’s got to be good for the baby.
“Can you eat now without throwing it all back up?”
She nods. “My stomach is settled.”
“Good. We can grab lunch at the diner.”
We walk over to the truck, and I open the passenger side door for her.
“What about your family?” she asks. “Are they from around here?”
I shake my head as we pull away from the club.
“No. My parents are back East, and my sister lives on the coast with her husband and three kids.”
“Are you close?”
“I speak to my parents a couple of times a month, and I see my sister when I can. We all get on with life, but we all know we’re here for one another if needed.”
“That’s nice. Our baby will have grandparents.”
“What about you and your family?”
“My relationship with my parents is… brief. They work overseas and check in once a year or so, and I have no siblings.”
“That must be lonely.”
“It is what it is.”
“What about when you were a kid?”
“I spent most of my time in boarding schools and occasionally went home for the holidays if they were home or not.”
“Who looked after you?”
“The butler became a second father and his wife, our housekeeper, became the mother I’d always wanted.”
“Annie, that’s sad as fuck! And hold on, you grew up with a butler and housekeeper? That’s fancy.”
“There was nothing fancy about it when all you wanted was a family. As soon as I could, I left and went out on my own. I haven’t been home since I was nineteen. I don’t reckon they miss me, and I certainly don’t miss what I never had.”
“Our child won’t know loneliness if you don’t count not having a mother around.”
“Are you trying to guilt me?”
I sigh heavily. “I have no fuckin’ idea.” We approach town and I slow down. “I don’t tend to judge anyone and I’m glad you came to me before putting our kid up for adoption, I know parenting ain’t for everyone, but it’s still hard to fully accept.”
I park up in the diner’s parking lot and jump out, rounding the truck to open her door.
“What is it you want, Annie?” I ask after we’ve sat and ordered.
She’s quiet while she thinks on it before saying, “I have no idea.”