Page 5 of His Flawed Ride (Sons of Lost Souls MC #16)

Chapter Four

Lily

I can’t help myself. I shouldn’t have agreed to see Shane tonight, but the loneliness is gnawing at me, and I just need one night where I can forget my life. At my age, I should know that this is a night that will most likely be found out but for now, I just need a secret that makes me feel good.

Shane isn’t a permanent solution but temporarily?

He’s good enough. I shower and dress in my skimpiest underwear.

If I squint in the mirror and shut off the main light and keep the lamp on, I can shave ten years off my age.

A knock at the door pulls me from my assessment of my body and I clear my throat as I answer, then jump back.

“Jeez, Lily, put some fucking clothes on!”

Shame washes over me as Harper barges in and closes the door behind her. Then pain hits me. I haven’t been Mom to her in a long time and I have no one to blame but myself.

“Does anything ever change with you?” she asks, looking around the room.

Oh God. Shane is going to show up at any second and then she will really look at me in disgust.

I throw on my robe and sit on the edge of the bed, praying Shane notices Harper’s car out front and stays clear.

“Who were you expecting answering the door like that?”

“No one,” I lie.

“I don’t actually want to know anyway.” She pulls out a chair from the small table by the window and sits. “Are you serious about wanting to be a part of this family?”

“Yes!”

“If it turns out you just want money or something…”

“It’s not like that, I promise.”

She nods and I hope she can see how serious I am. I’m fully aware this is my last chance with everyone.

“Come round for dinner tomorrow and we’ll go from there.”

“Yeah?” Hope springs in my chest and I cling to it.

“Yes, don’t make me regret it. I’m warning you though, you get one chance with Gunner. My son doesn’t know anything but love and security.”

“I won’t let him or you down.”

“I’m so far past being hurt by you, Lily. You leave again, I continue with the life I’ve made here, but my son won’t understand.”

“I hear you, Harper. Please, believe me.”

“I’ll save that for when your actions match your promises.”

She stands and I wish that I hadn’t fucked up so much throughout her life.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

She doesn’t hang around and I’m not surprised when she doesn’t linger on the goodbye. Once the door is closed and I’m alone, I breathe through my heart pounding in my chest.

I have a dinner invitation and though I’m more hopeful than I was this morning, I find myself beyond nervous.

While I’m dressing in my leggings and a hoodie, there’s another knock at the door.

Shit. I forgot about Shane.

I can’t mess up now that I’ve got an invitation into my daughter’s home. Though Shane is looking good when I answer the door.

“Sorry, you’ve had a wasted trip. You’re not coming in.”

“Seriously?”

I start to get pissed. “Like I’m the only pussy in town.”

I swing the door closed, leaving him out in the cold and I draw the shades to block him out completely.

With hope filling me, the loneliness has vanished.

The sun has risen, and I turn my phone on. Text after text floods through and notifications of sixteen missed calls and fourteen voicemails. I don’t need to read the texts or listen to the voicemails. I know who they’re from and what they’re going to say. I delete each one and turn my phone off.

From the bag I’ve hidden under the bed, I grab a few bills and head out to the toy store.

I roam the aisles, glancing at toy cars and guns.

There’s an entire aisle of dinosaurs and action figures.

I have no idea what my grandson is into, and I fear buying him something he doesn’t like.

I want to make a good impression with him, and kids are pretty easy to make friends with unless you bring them something that doesn’t interest them.

The bell tinkles overhead as I step into Kristen’s shop. She’ll know what Gunner is into.

My sister-in-law has had a superior aura around her from the day I met her. I don’t judge her, it’s who she is, but she works hard, and she loves my brother even after all these years and after everything they’ve been through.

I wait for her to finish up with a customer and step up to the counter.

“Slade said you were back in town. Back for good this time?” she asks with a small smile.

It’s nice to see some things never change, every smile she’s thrown at me has always been laced with pity. Occasionally it would piss me off but most of the time I am asking to borrow money or asking my brother to help me out of trouble. It’s warranted.

“That’s the plan. I need two favours though.”

Her look screams, of course I do, but I ignore it and ask, “First I wanted to find out if you know what Gunner is into? I went to buy him a gift and realised I don’t know what he likes.”

“He’s into coloring and painting at the moment. Anything creative. He was into dinosaurs, but JJ bought him this huge T-Rex and it scared the crap out of him.”

I chuckle and I wish I had that memory myself.

“What’s the second favour you need?”

“A job.”

Her mouth drops open and nothing but silence comes out. She shakes her head and then asks, “You? You want a job? Here in my shop?”

“Yes.”

Did I not make that clear enough?

“I’ve never known you to ask for a job, let alone hold down a job,” she murmurs.

All I can do is shrug. I’m well aware of what I have and haven’t asked for over the years.

“When was the last time you had a job?”

“I couldn’t tell ya, but I’ve been a letdown all my life so does that count?”

“You’re family, Lily, of course I’ll help you, but as family, don’t let me down.”

“I won’t.”

I should’ve said, or I’ll try not to.

Dark clouds loom overhead and I’m hoping it isn’t an omen for how the night is going to go. I’ve never been so nervous to knock at my daughter’s home. I brace myself for JJ to open the door but I’m glad when Harper answers. “Hi, come in. Dinner’s nearly ready.”

I step over the threshold, clutching the bag of paints and coloring books for Gunner.

His laughter floats through the house and I’m taken back to when Harper was his age. She was always laughing and full of joy. She was too young to have let my fuck-up of a life affect her. My mom’s presence living with us saved her till she was four years old.

I follow Harper through to the living room and tears fill my eyes.

She’s built a home. Her and her son don’t just live in a house with a few of their possessions.

Only keeping the necessities because she doesn’t know when she’ll have to make a quick escape.

There are family photos hanging on the walls.

There are paintings Gunner’s painted tacked around the mantle.

Cushions scattered around the two sofas.

Candles dotted around the place, some half melted, some nearly out, and some unlit.

The spell is broken when my eyes land on the small boy being tossed into the air by the man I legally call my son-in-law.

“Gunner, come to mama. I want you to meet someone.”

Keeping my grandson in his arms, JJ mutters, “Are we sure we want him giving his time to this charity case?”

“Jay. Stop!” Harper snaps and he puts Gunner down on the floor.

He walks over and all I see is Harper in him staring up at me.

“Sweetheart, this is your Grandma Lily. Mama’s Mom.”

He shyly glances at me and then runs back to his daddy.

“My boy has good taste,” JJ smarts.

“Seriously, babe, shut your mouth.”

JJ stands, scooping his son up with him, and pins me with his best glare.

“Just to make it clear, I don’t want you here, and I don’t want you anywhere near my kid. Harp’s wants you here so don’t go thinking you can just walk in here and play happy families. You’ve gotta fuckin’ earn it.”

“I get it, JJ.”

I can’t help the bite in my tone. I get that I deserve it but facing it in reality goes against everything in me.

“I don’t think you do, but I guess time will tell.”

Harper takes Gunner from him and tells him, “Go finish dinner.”

I watch on in fascination. My daughter, ordering around a man, and that man actually listening to her. He disappears into the kitchen.

“I know you’re gonna wanna talk, but can you just meet your grandson and have dinner first?”

I nod. It certainly takes the weight of pressure off. Remembering the bag of paints, I open it up and show Gunner.

“These are for you, sweetheart. A little birdie told me you like to paint.”

He shyly peeks up at me from under his mom’s hair and then into the bag.

“What do you say, Gunner?” Harper says.

It takes a beat, but he murmurs ever so quietly, “Thank you.”

I smile brightly, hoping I don’t come across manic. Across the room, I start picking out the goodies and put them down on the coffee table.

“Wow, look how much grandma got for you!” Harper exclaims, putting him down on his feet.

His earlier shyness evaporates, and he comes to stand where I’m kneeling, bringing us eye to eye. He picks through the brushes and tubes of different colored paints.

“Red,” he tells me and then picks up the next. “Blue.”

I grin. “That’s right. Who’s a clever little man, huh?”

For the first time he smiles at me with ease.

“How about after dinner, you paint me a picture I can take home with me?”

He nods enthusiastically and I glance up to see Harper watching us with her own smile.

“He’s a beautiful boy, Harps.”

“He is,” she agrees, adding, “From the moment he was born, he became my everything.”

“I know that feeling.”

“When did it leave? Cause I can’t imagine a time when he’s not the absolute world to me.”

It was only a matter of time before she broke the facade of politeness. But to this question, I know the answer.

“It was when you didn’t need me anymore.”

I can barely look her in the eye.

“I never stopped needing you. You made it so I had to not need anyone.”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t the one who made you that way, I’m just saying, when I saw how you relied on yourself, I…”