Page 33 of He Thugged Me First

At this point I wasn’t even exhausted, my fucking brain was racked.

Too many thoughts were running through it.

I was used to thinking most of the time, but this was different.

I felt like I was all over the place and trapped in my mind.

I could find peace or rest no matter how many times I crawled my ass into my bed or between a set of thighs.

None of them were her, and she wasn’t giving me a chance to fix it.

Instead she was avoiding me and moving as if she didn’t feel the hurt I felt.

With everything going on, one thing was very fucking clear.

I missed her. I missed the way every time she was in my arms she brought about a peace and clarity I wasn’t used to.

In such a small amount of time we’d created a routine that I was damn near depended on.

Now here I was throwing myself into work, random sex and drunk nights.

This wasn’t me, shit I don’t know who I was becoming.

I blinked myself from my thoughts and reached across the desk for my phone.

After unlocking it, I searched for her number under my recent calls, before I found it and clicked it.

It rang a few times before going to voicemail.

“Look , I done gave you yo time and I?—”

“Nigga, ya look miserable.”Kasair walked into my office.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and pushed the end before focusing on him.

“Damn, she still ain’t fucking with you, huh?” he asked.

“Nope. It’s just?—”

“Don’t explain that shit to me. You’re toxic and I’m reformed. What you need to do is pull up, lay some pipe and tell her y’all should just be friends. That way yeen around here looking like a fucking simp.”

I shook my head and looked at him. I swear this nigga thought everything that came out of his mouth was smart when I fact he sounded like a damn fool.

“Pull up on her. Act the fuck up.” He sounded like the lil’ voice in a nigga’s head that made him do some dumb shit. That was the same voice that I heard that night with Honey in my office.

“Outta my personal shit, what’s good with business?” I asked him. For the sake of names I was still in the game, but physically I had been out. Kasair had been running shit since then.

“Shipments came in and money is green. Sass still has no idea who this Miles character is.”

I nodded my head. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about that, but until I had something other than a last name there wasn’t shit a soul could do about it.

That bothered me the most because I hated not having control of things.

“I think it's because I'm out fully.” He knew what meeting I was talking about.

He rubbed his hands together. “You do?”

I nodded my head. I knew he could handle this shit, and he had Quari to back him up if not.

I had already been out of commission since I got shot, so he had It.

Now it was time for me to find life after, I was just hoping that included Gauze.

I ended up talking to Kasair for a few hours longer before that nigga was ready to go and my sister was blowing his line down.

He called me a simp’ but Mecca seemed to be running shit.

I was on my way home when I heard that lil’ voice in my head and I ended up going in the direction of Gayze’s crib.

I was shocked to see her standing outside when I pulled up.

I was even more shocked to see her with a leash in her hand and attached to it a small dog.

She wasn’t paying any attention to her surroundings, so I parked and got out of the car.

She didn’t see me until it was too late and I was standing in front of her.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the dog she now had in her arms.

“Why are you here?” She asked, obviously not trying to hear shit I had to say. I could just see it in her demeanor.

“We gotta talk.”

She laughed, it wasn’t one of joy or amusement. It was one of irritation and annoyance. “Talk.”

I rubbed my hands together. “Upstairs, it’s too cold out here.”

She reluctantly nodded her head and turned on her heels to enter her building.

When we walked in, we immediately hopped onto the elevator and she pushed her code into the keypad so we could go up.

Once we got to her crib, I couldn’t take my eyes off the little dog now resting on her sofa.

She had whipped his paws off and sat him there.

“How much you pay for that, I could’ve gotten?—”

“You didn’t come up here about my dog. What is it we need to talk about Mazzier.” She crossed her arms and looked at me with those narrow daggering eyes. Though she tried to hide it, I could still see the raw emotion behind her anger.

“I fucked up.”

“That part is evident, now tell me something I don’t know.” She responded in a matter of fact tone.

“I never planned to do none of that. I don’t know what got into me, G. I wasn’t thinking and in the process I hurt you and fucked up what we were building.”

She nodded her head.

“I’ve been blowing down ya line because I gotta make this shit right, I can?—”

“Let me stop you there.” She threw her hand up. “The damage is done, Mazzier. There’s no going back and fixing it.”

I threw my head back floored at what she said. I understood she was hurt and all but why wouldn’t she give me a chance to fix it? “And why the fuck not?” I asked. I knew I shouldn’t have come in here giving her a choice. See she would’ve reacted better if I came in here on some toxic shit.

“Because you fucked it up. I can’t be with you like that again.”

I felt that one in my chest when it came out of her lips, but I could also tell she didn’t mean it.

I could read Gauze like the back of my hand and I could tell she was speaking out of her hurt.

“See that’s where I fucked up, I let you think there was an option not to be with me.

I let you cool down and all that but you belong to me. ” I mugged her.

She looked me over and shook her head, “I meant what I said Mazzier.”

I walked up on her, invading her space. “Prove it. tell me to leave and never contact you again and I promise I will. You’ll never hear or see me again.” I was lying, nothing or no one could keep me from her, not even her.

She looked up at me and as bad as I could tell she wanted to say it, she couldn’t.

I didn’t doubt she was angry and hurt, but she had to let me make this right.

Before I knew it our lips were intertwined and I had picked her up.

She wrapped her legs around my waist as I carried her toward her bedroom.

I knew for sure she missed me like I missed her.

The moment her back hit the bed, she just looked at me and I could see all that she was thinking in her eyes.

Unfastening my pants, I never broke eye contact as I freed myself.

I know I had fucked up, but I needed her to feel how much I regretted it.

I reached into my pants pocket and pulled the condom out.

Once I had it open, I rolled it down my length before I stalked over and stood at the foot of the bed.

I leaned forward and pulled her down to where I needed her.

First, I allowed my fingers to feel around and familiarize myself with the flesh I so badly missed, before I brought them to my lips.

“You missed me, G?” I asked, locking my eyes on hers as she studied me.

She nodded her head

I thrusted myself against her wet sopping flesh. “You gonna let me come home?”

She bit her bottom lip, glancing at me with nothing but confliction in her eyes. “No, because you like apartments.” She probably didn’t mean to but that last part sounded more like a moan than anything.

I rubbed the tip of my hardness against her opening before pushing into her with one thrust. “She didn’t mean shit, G. This it?—”

She leaned up pressing her lips against mine. When we separated she just looked at me while I pounded into her tender center. I knew she felt me by the look in her eyes. It was like she was in trance.

“You gotta know me, G. I can’t?—”

“I feel it, Mazz.” She allowed the zs in my name to vibrate through her teeth.

I pushed face into her neck and stroked her with a vengeance. “Then let it go, feel me Gauze, all of me.” Words were one thing but I needed her to feel me while I filled her.

MECCA

This morning my main objective was to get Mel transferred into another school and I did that.

I couldn’t fathom sending het back to a school that allowed a complete stranger who wasn’t on any of her paperwork pick her up.

At the beginning of the year they were so strict about submitting names and photos of anyone who would be picking her up.

Now how the fuck could they justify allowing her to leave with somebody not in that paperwork?

They couldn’t explain shit to me at this point.

Once I had her transferred to the school down the street from the house, I went to meet Love.

She said she’d wanted to shop for more neutral baby clothes because they didn’t know the sex.

“You do know this is gonna be one neutral ass baby.” I frowned at all the different hues of grey and browns.

“That’s fine with me, how was the school you toured with Mel?”

“Girl boring and now she wears plaid skirts. I trust them though, they showed me their security as well as making sure I had all I needed.

She nodded her head.

“You never told me how the birthday party was.” I glanced over at her.

“It was nice, though I would’ve rather had my ass in bed.” She giggled and shrugged her shoulders.

“Well I’m glad you didn’t. You were hanging with the upper crust of?—”

“Mecca they’re regular people just like us.”

“No, they really aren’t.” I shook my head. she didn’t get it because she wasn’t from the hood.

“Well they’ll be at the baby shower. Actually I gave Gina your number, she and Century want to help you plan it. Maybe you can spit a story and get your timid self on the stage of her spot.”