Page 32 of He Thugged Me First

GAYZE

“ S ometimes things don’t work out the way we envision them.

Love just so happens to be one of those things, and it sucks.

” Kenya’s even voice reminded me as I lay across her leather sofa with my eyes closed.

I had avoided coming here for about two weeks, but then I just said fuck it.

She was the one person who I could tell things to and not feel judged, she was also the only person who wouldn’t give some flawed ass advice.

I didn’t need that. I just needed to get over it and move the fuck along.

“Understood and I accept that nothing will pan out the way I want it to, but it doesn’t make anything hurt any less. I guess I was too quick to trust him. Too quick to give in to the good feeling he gave me.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t beat yourself up for being human. Humans are created to love and be loved, so of course you sought out what you thought was pure. Correction, what you felt was pure.”

“But it wasn’t.” I felt the punch to the gut the moment I said those words.

“You don’t know that either.”

Immediately I opened my eyes and snapped my neck toward her. I hoped to god she didn’t say any Nadeen shit to me because I didn’t know how I’d react.

“Breathe. I make no excuses for Mazzier, but you see another thing that humans tend to do is self-sabotage. Of course we all know right from wrong, well most of us. The thing is sometimes people with past trauma and issues tend to subconsciously make decisions that they know aren’t right.

You see people with these issues tend to do things out of destruction of their own happiness. ”

I just looked at her while she spoke. I couldn’t respond because I got everything that she said, but what the hell was I supposed to do with that?

Was I supposed to call him and accept him back with open arms?

Nope! I couldn’t and I wouldn’t. Self-sabotage or whatever the hell you called it had nothing to do with me.

He didn’t deserve me and that was that, so I had to get over all this hurt bae shit and get it together. Nobody could fix me but me.

After I left that meeting with her, I ended up going into work.

I needed to get the file of the house I was touring today.

I had just recently decided that I no longer wanted to live in a condo, and now I was house shopping.

It was pretty exciting, especially because I felt like I was putting together my dream space.

When I walked in the door, I was definitely surprised to see my grandmother sitting in the waiting room. I walked over to her, and she stood to meet me.

“About time you got your narrow tale here. Where have you been?” she asked with her hand on her hip.

“Out, what are you doing here and why didn’t you have them allow you to wait in my office?”

She screwed up her face and waved me off as we walked to my office. It took us less than thirty seconds to get to my office before we stepped in. When we walked in, I pulled out a chair for her to take a seat, but she refused. She was a stubborn old woman.

“He hurt you deep this time, huh?” She looked at me like only she could and I felt the tears at my lids. I didn’t plan on crying today or every again, but this five-foot-one frail old woman saw right through me.

I pursed my lips and nodded my head before folding my arms. “That obvious?”

“No but you my baby, I felt it and ya big mouth fat knee sister told me. Somebody gotta tell me where I went wrong with that child there because I wanted to throw the Pepsi at her.”

That brought a smile to my face. She always could.

“Damaged people have no choice but to damage other people. It’s how they raised, baby.

I just don’t want you walking around here in the world damaging other folks because you were damaged.

You’re meant to be a light.” She walked over to me and reached up putting her small aged hands against my face.

I nodded looking down at her as the forbidden tears streamed down my face.

“It’s alright to cry, just don’t let that nigga see you cry. I wish you would’ve bricked him back when I told ya to.” She shook her head.

I laughed through my tears as she finally took a seat like I knew she would.

“Did you have an appointment today?” I asked.

“No, I had Mecca bring me here. That’s my other baby, did you know she was having a baby?” she asked with surprise in her eyes. She was truthfully happy and full of joy about it.

“Yes, granny I did.” I laughed.

“Well then, why yeen tell me?” She screwed up her face.

I shrugged. “Wasn’t my business to tell.”

“Well that is ya sister in law.” She looked me square in the eye.

I threw my head back and narrowed my eyes looking at her old ass.

She pointed at me before she spoke, “you gonna forgive him, but next time you gonna bust that bastard right in the back of his skull. He’ll get it straight after you give ‘em a concussion with those bloody shoes.”

“Bloody shoes? Granny what are you?—”

“That loud mouth girl on tv says she wears bloody bottoms.” She shrugged her shoulders.

I laughed my ass off. She was talking about Cardi B.

“Have you put any thought into what we talked about last week?” I asked her.

I had been trying to convince her to come live with me.

I would feel much better knowing she was safe and not living alone in our old neighborhood.

At eighty-five it was either that or a nursing home.

She was up there in age and I didn’t want her falling or having any kind of accident and not having anyone there to help her.

“And I told you I didn’t want to crowd your space, plu?—”

“The stairs, I know.” Just then I got an idea. “Do you have plans today?” I asked.

“I'm an old gal, I don’t have plans.” She looked at me like I was trying to crack a joke.

“Good then, let’s go.”

She looked me over like I was crazy before she nodded and stood to her feet. I grabbed what I needed and we were out of the door. When we got to my car, I walked around and opened her door for her to get in. When she was in, I walked over and got in on my side.

For the remainder of the day, I took my grandmother house shopping.

I swear I wouldn’t have wanted to spend my day any other day.

Of the four homes we looked at, she loved two and I ultimately told her the choice was hers.

I just loved seeing the joy in her face, she’d love it and I could tell.

The homes we looked at were large enough for her to have her own space and me to have mine.

Once I dropped her off, it was time for me to go pick my baby up from puppy care and I was going home.

My soul hurt. It was that simple and that easy to say because I’d come to grips with the pain I was in.

I’d come to grips with everything going on with me and I accepted it.

For weeks I had allowed myself to obsess over everything and feel it, but now it had to change.

I could no longer sulk in my feelings or carry my wounded heart around with me.

The only thing helping me was that Mazzier had stopped calling me so much, but the texts never stopped.

I don’t know how many times one could say sorry at this point.

I don’t know why I couldn’t just block him. It irritated me that I couldn’t.

I zipped my jacket up getting ready to walk Oz.

He was definitely something that kept me leaving the house.

My biggest fear was that he’d take a poop or pee on my white carpet, so I took him out way more than I probably should’ve.

The good thing is we didn’t have any accidents, so that meant I was doing something right.

I picked his small frame up and I walked toward my front door and onto the elevator.

I hoped this was quick because Chicago was definitely getting colder and colder.

Once we stepped outside, I gripped the little bags and watched him sniff around until he crowned down to pee.

“Damn, I hope yeen feeding him that much that you gotta be out here every hour like that for real.” A deep tone that I didn’t recognize pulled my attention from my puppy.

When I looked up, I was looking into a pair of the most intriguing dark irises.

Then I took him in, he was fine. That word didn’t even do the tall handsome specimen in front of me justice.

I blinked myself from the thoughts sliding through my head and giggled, he’d definitely caught me off guard and now I’m pretty sure I looked crazy. “I have white carpet, I really don’t want any mishaps.”

A deep chuckle escaped his lips. “You crate training?”

“What training?” I looked at him confused.

He laughed again but this time he reached into his pocket and pulled his phone out. “It’s when you buy a cage and you use it to train the dog.”

At this point I turned my face up looking at him. “Excuse me, Mr?—”

“King.” He smiled showing a perfect set of white teeth. This nigga was perfect.

“I’m not calling you King, what’s your government?”

I had to have been a comedian because this nigga was just laughing at me. “That is my government, ma.”

Oh lord! The way the ma just rolled off his lips. I nodded my head, before I glanced down at my baby. He was sitting his lazy ass on the ground looking at me.

“How about we walk up the street to this lil’ Starbucks so I can get one of them milk drinks and I explain the crate training to you?” He asked.

I looked him over hesitantly before I nodded in agreeance.

MAZZIER