Page 59 of He Is My Bride

Hanjun stood quiet again, looking out of the window. Li Ying waited patiently for him to find the words .

“…You can come.”

“I would like to.” Li Ying got up and went to Hanjun, hugged his waist, and looked up into his eyes, trying to read the man. “I want to be involved in things that are important to you. Is that okay?”

Hanjun met his gaze, although his expression was still guarded. Li Ying loved him so much, even when he was being distant. Li Ying thought he was like a star sometimes: cold, bright, and far away, yet still perfectly lovely.

“Mm. I want you to come,” Hanjun said.

Li Ying smiled and kissed him. “Let me get dressed, then.”

—

Hanrong picked them up and drove them to the graveyard where the Wus had been buried for generations.

It was an overcast day, now turning into dusk, yet the gloom was pierced by hundreds of lanterns, lit over the rows upon rows of graves.

Incense smoke coiled in the air, and people here and there were praying to the departed, leaving offerings of food, drink, and joss paper.

Hanrong was recounting to Li Ying the names of all who were buried here, what year they had deceased, who they had been in the family, and Li Ying listened carefully. Li Ying knew it would be his family history through marriage, if fate would be so kind.

Fate, or Wu Yiheng.

Hanjun was quiet. They stopped by the graves to light incense and pray, the previous ones having burned out, yet the offerings made by earlier visitors were still fresh.

“These graves are so well cared for, so clean!” Li Ying noted. “Sure enough, they are Wus even in the afterlife.”

“An apt observation.” Hanrong chuckled. “Let us pay our respects.”

Li Ying lit an incense stick between his palms, then prostrated thrice before great-grandfather Wu’s grave, the company founder’s final resting place .

Hello, great-grandfather Wu! My name is Li Ying and I love your great-grandson very much! I would have it so that your grandson Wu Yiheng blesses our marriage. Could you help us?

Li Ying had an eerie feeling of being observed. …I confess! I ’ m actually a man! he said in his mind, staying bowed down for his third prostration.

But I still love Wu Hanjun! Li Ying continued his prayer, I love him so very much, and I promise to cherish him! So please… Li Ying stood up and went to place his stick of incense on the holder next to Hanjun’s. Grant us your blessing!

Li Ying hugged Hanjun, who patted his arm, his eyes gentle upon him.

Great-grandfather, my forebears… Hanjun still thought in prayer while standing before them.

This is Li Ying, and I’m going to marry him.

I pray that you would bless our union so that we may be happy in this life.

We will later prostrate before heaven and earth, for now, look after us as we wait for the auspicious day.

“There’s one more,” Hanjun said.

“Huh? One more grave?”

“Mm.”

Hanjun and Hanrong led the way to the side, where there was another grave.

The grave of certain Madam Wu.

“Whose grave is this?” Li Ying asked.

Hanrong looked between him and Hanjun. “Hanjun has not told you, then?”

A terrible suspicion crept upon Li Ying, and his heart grew heavy. Hanjun had never spoken of his…

“This is his mother’s grave,” Hanrong said.

Li Ying looked at Hanjun standing before the grave, looking upon it in silence.

“I’m so sorry, Hanjun.” Li Ying took him into a hug .

What else was there to say? Li Ying understood some of that very pain of not having a mother growing up, but Hanjun would know that already. What words were there that would be able to express such pain, let alone make it easier to bear?

All Li Ying did was hug Hanjun, comforting him with a quiet gesture that simply said: I’m here for you.

Hanjun hadn’t been sure whether he was ready for this when he’d told Li Ying he could come with him to the graves. But Li Ying had lodged himself into every crevice of his being already, so when, if not now, would Hanjun be ready to show him where he still hurt the most?

“It was a long time ago,” Hanjun said, “when I was six. But I remember her.”

“What happened?” Li Ying asked gently.

“She… was depressed. For a long time. She took her own life.” Hanjun could say no more.

Hanjun hadn’t expected the tears. He hadn’t cried on this grave since he was a child, having tried so hard to be strong.

He’d always had to be Wu Hanjun , more Wu than his own father could be.

Hanjun had always had more than himself to prove.

Where had his own pain been able to fit under such expectations?

Hanjun hadn’t found a place for it outside of himself, so he had made it small and hid it in his heart. Until Li Ying.

Finally someone had seen Hanjun beyond him being the Wu heir.

Hanjun had been taught to keep his emotions in check, so by instinct he sought to squander his cries. Only this time, Li Ying was there to break down his walls, now taking down the last of them with just three syllables:

“It’s alright, Hanjun.”

‘It’s alright.’

Hanjun lowered his head and let the tears out with a quiet cry. Only Cousin Hanrong, his grandmother and Li Ying had ever told him those words .

Hanrong gave them space.

Once Hanjun’s cries had quieted and the tension of his shoulders eased, Hanrong spoke:

“Mrs. Wu was a middle-class woman like you, Miss Li.”

Li Ying turned to look at the cousin, and Hanrong went on:

“Hanjun’s father married her against all conventions, because they loved each other.

Mrs. Wu thought she could fit in her husband’s social circle, but back in their day, society was even more restrictive than it is today.

Mrs. Wu was shunned and picked on. She became increasingly isolated and depressed, until she took her own life. ”

Li Ying looked back at Hanjun. The man was standing still, staring at the grave before him.

“Her passing devastated Wu Yiling, and he hasn’t been the same since,” Hanrong continued.

“It was the reason why he left the company to his brother, Wu Yiheng.” He turned to face Li Ying.

“I believe the reason Uncle Yiheng is so wary to let you marry Hanjun is because he fears history will repeat itself, Miss Li. He fears that letting Hanjun marry out of love will end up breaking his heart, him becoming unable to continue in the family business, just like his brother, should anything happen. Uncle knows Hanjun was always a sensitive child, and no matter how he sought to raise him, he must know better than to think he got it taken out of him.”

“So, it’s not only because I’m an orphaned foreigner of no particular wealth or status?” Li Ying asked.

“Those are certainly… reasons,” Hanrong said.

“But I believe that despite his concern over such matters, which are entirely logical, he would have given his blessing already if he didn’t also have a less-than-logical fear: losing his nephew to a broken heart, as he had lost his brother.

Uncle Yiheng isn’t as stoic as he puts forth. ”

“I see,” Li Ying dared to smile faintly, “secretly Uncle Yiheng had a soft heart, and worries about his nephew’s tender heart.”

Li Ying hoped he didn’t come across as too sarcastic. He truly felt for the Wus’ tragedy. Heavens knew he had his own, even if he and Hanjun had lost their mothers and been estranged from their fathers in very different ways.

Hanrong laughed softly. “Let’s just say that he’s faceted. The Wu family may, and sometimes must, appear utilitarian to the outside, but as you have probably learned,” Hanrong winked at Hanjun, “there is more to a Wu than meets the eye.”

Li Ying looked at Hanjun and reached to kiss his cheek.

While Hanjun’s face had already grown stoic again, Li Ying could still taste the salt of his tears.

Li Ying felt like it was another gift Hanjun had given him: a sign of vulnerability, of trust. What more precious could a lover give to the beloved?

One of Hanjun’s tears was brighter and more precious to Li Ying than all the diamonds in the world.

“Should we pay our respects to your mother then?” Li Ying asked.

Hanjun nodded.

They lit more incense, prostrated, and each said a prayer in their mind:

Madam Wu, Li Ying prayed: I’m sorry you suffered so much that you took your own life. I pray for your continued happiness in the next world. And don’t worry, I will take care of Hanjun! I wish you would bless our marriage, because even if I’m a man, I love your son very much.

Mother, Hanjun prayed: I still miss you, but I’m not so sad anymore, because I have found my happiness. He’s right here, prostrating next to me. I will marry Li Ying next year when he graduates and can move to Shanghai, so please, give us your blessing.

They placed their incense sticks on the grave and stood in peaceful silence.

“Ready?” Hanrong asked after a while had passed.

“Mm.”

Hanjun let Li Ying take his hand, and together they left the revered dead to enjoy the offerings.