Page 5 of He Is My Bride
“That’s… No!” Li Ying protested. “I don’t want a long-distance relationship! If you really must leave.” He was grasping for any other solution. “I know, I could apply to a medical school in Shanghai!”
“Just don’t make hasty decisions—”
“Must you always be so damn reasonable?!” Li Ying snapped.
Hanjun fell quiet, feeling lost again. “What do you want me to say?” he asked quietly.
Li Ying wasn’t sure what he wanted to hear, either. “I… Sorry, I didn’t mean to blame you. For any of this. Hey.”
Li Ying swung himself at Hanjun and climbed onto his lap, straddled his thighs and sank his hands into his hair, looking him firmly in the eyes. “I’m not letting you leave me here, okay? I don’t wanna go long-distance, it never works out.”
Hanjun’s voice was quiet, “You wouldn’t wait for me?”
He couldn’t blame Li Ying for moving on with his life if they got separated because of Hanjun’s work, but he didn’t want to imagine a life without Li Ying.
Neither did he think it fair if Li Ying had to uproot his entire life for his sake, but it gave Hanjun hope for plans B and C, that Li Ying wasn’t opposed to moving to Shanghai.
Li Ying punched Hanjun’s shoulder, hissing, “Of course I would! I would wait for you for a thousand years!” He kissed Hanjun desperately. “But I would be lonely. And what if you forgot about me?”
“I could never forget you.” Hanjun’s voice was but a whisper, yet steadfast, and his eyes didn’t lie as he looked at Li Ying’s.
“Good. Because I would haunt you.”
“You’re not dead.”
“I might be—from missing you!”
“Li Ying…” Hanjun seemed uncomfortable, a light frown upon his fine brow.
“I can’t even fall asleep without you! I can’t… I can’t just let you go and leave me behind. I’ll figure something out so I can move to Shanghai with you.”
“Let’s think about this together,” Hanjun said. “You are already in your third year, it would be a waste if you had to reapply to medical school from year one due to moving countries. If you wanted to move to Shanghai with me, I would welcome you, but don’t you think you should graduate first?”
“Honey, I wasted three years after high school, drinking and partying, I don’t care if I have to redo three years.”
“It would only be one more year until—”
“One and a half, actually.”
“One and a half years—”
“That’s as long as we have been dating, Hanjun!”
Hanjun took a deep breath. “I know. But you must think long-term: just one and a half years until you graduate from a top medical school. That would be viewed favorably if you started your career in Shanghai. I would visit you as often as I could while you finished your studies.”
Li Ying looked desperately for a fault in Hanjun’s logic, but the man was right: to throw away three years of studies when almost at the finish line would be folly.
It just might be the last straw, even for generous Uncle Qian, if his ward threw all those tuition fees down the drain.
Li Ying couldn’t throw away the Qian’s kindness after everything they had done for him, he had tested their patience well enough.
Even if Mrs. Qian could no longer threaten to kick him out of the house, Li Ying didn’t want to be ungrateful.
“Stop making so much sense, Hanjun.” Li Ying fell against him, holding back tears. “You’re right. I should just finish med school and then follow you to Shanghai.” But one and a half years felt like forever to Li Ying.
Hanjun kept caressing Li Ying’s hair and kissed his forehead.
It’s not that the time and distance didn’t terrify him, having grown so used to Li Ying’s presence and dreading how dreary his days would be without him, but Hanjun was a patient man: as long as he knew they would be reunited eventually, he could bear the long-distance relationship.
He was simply relieved Li Ying still wanted to be with him after putting him through all this.
“You have to visit me often,” Li Ying demanded. “At least… Every other weekend!” Yet it felt so inadequate. Now Li Ying appreciated all those little moments between them, even the ones spent in silence, so much more.
Li Ying sobbed. Hanjun held him until he had cried his tears.
“We can do it, right?” Li Ying wiped his eyes and sniffled, looking at Hanjun. “We have to, because Hanjun, I’ve never... You were my first true love , and I want you to be the last, hm?” He clung to Hanjun’s shirt.
“Li Ying,” Hanjun spoke his name weightily. He wrapped his hands around Li Ying’s face and pulled him closer, until their lips brushed upon his next words, “You are my only love.”
Hanjun brought their lips together in a gentle kiss that already tasted of longing. When they parted, Hanjun spoke:
“Maybe those weekends are nothing compared to a year… but what is a year compared to ‘forever?’” Hanjun’s other hand left Li Ying’s hair and dug something out of his pocket.
Li Ying’s heart jumped to his throat. Is he going to…?!
But Hanjun just took out his phone.
“Hanjun?” Li Ying looked at the man, confused.
Hanjun swiped his screen and was about to show him something on it, but as soon as Li Ying saw a glimpse, he rushed to cover the screen with his hand.
“No, don’t show that to me! That’s not romantic, Hanjun, that’s not how you propose to someone!”
“I just ordered it,” Hanjun explained. “I wanted to wait and surprise you, but…” He shifted nervously. Had he screwed this up, he wondered.
Li Ying pushed the phone down, now smiling ear to ear, “Then wait. Do it properly.”
Hanjun put the phone away, flustered. He was relieved Li Ying seemed to have forgiven his blunder right away. “I wanted you to know I won’t leave you behind.”
Li Ying pulled Hanjun into another kiss, more passionate this time, offering his tongue for his to play with.
Hanjun’s hands began pushing up Li Ying’s shirt, and soon they had left a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom.
“I’m so happy!” Li Ying sighed.
Then I’m happy, too. Hanjun pinned Li Ying down by his hands, weaving their fingers together, and kissed him down his chin, his neck.
I want to make you happy every day. For the rest of their lives, Hanjun hoped.
Yet he worried, but his worries could wait, now that Li Ying was running hot under him.
An hour later they lay in each other’s arms, their afterglow fading and leaving behind mundane thoughts, and for Hanjun, heavier ones as well.
“I’ll go take a shower. Join me?” Li Ying asked and was about to slip out of bed when Hanjun grabbed his arm.
“There was more I needed to discuss with you.”
“Ugh, don’t say it in that tone…” Li Ying groaned when he saw Hanjun’s serious face. How could he sour the mood, Li Ying thought, after the sweet love they had made just now? Li Ying sat back down.
Hanjun leaned his back against the headboard and looked at Li Ying with a serious face.
“Now you know my intentions towards you,” Hanjun spoke. “If you’re willing to move to Shanghai with me once you graduate, we can be together. But there is something else you should know.”
“I’ll help you hide the body.” Li Ying’s grin died down when Hanjun didn’t seem amused.
“My family is traditional,” Hanjun said. “I’m expected to marry a woman and produce an heir.”
“Okay, well, welcome to the twenty-first century. What is your family, the emperor?”
“No. You have not been to the mainland; you have not been raised with their traditions, but you must understand that things are different over there. My family won’t accept me marrying a man.”
“But you just…!” Li Ying was disappointed to his core. “You just told me you had bought a ring, and now you’re telling me you can’t marry me?!”
Hanjun took the brunt of Li Ying’s disappointment with a heavy heart.
“Explain yourself, Wu Hanjun!”
“Even if I can’t marry you legally or socially, I wanted to show you that I’m still as committed to you as a husband would. That I still love you like a husband loves his…” Hanjun trailed off.
“I wish I could be your wife,” Li Ying whispered, his voice choked up as he held back tears again. Why couldn’t he have been born a woman, Li Ying thought. “Would you love me if I were a woman?”
“Yes.”
Hanjun pulled Li Ying to his arms, and the man clung to him in search of reassurance.
“I am committed to you, Li Ying,” Hanjun spoke, “but our union will have to be a secret between us, and I have to take a wife to…” He paused before saying it, awkwardly, “Child.”
Li Ying stared at Hanjun. “I will not be a... a mistress! That’s so unfair, to both of us!”
Hanjun lowered his gaze, having feared this reaction. There went plan B.
“I’m sorry for having kept things from you all this time,” Hanjun said. “I’ve always known I have to marry a woman eventually, even if I’ve only ever liked men. I was ready to accept that I would never find true love,” he looked back up at Li Ying, “until I met you.”
“Baby…” Li Ying felt for poor Hanjun, but how could he agree to being a side-piece? To imagine Hanjun with someone else made him taste vinegar.
“Now I’m doing what I can so we can be together, but there are some things I simply cannot do, and failing my family is one of them. I have to have a child.”
“I could…” Li Ying’s mind was rushing to find a solution. “We can get a child just fine: surrogacy! I mean, all the rich fucks use surrogates just because they don’t want to sag. I’ve watched reality TV, I’ve seen it! So, why can’t we do it?”
Hanjun was taking mental damage from Li Ying’s crass words.
And Li Ying was not done, either, “Can’t you just, with all due respect, tell your family to fucking get over it?”