Page 9 of Hat Trick (Titans Hockey #1)

"Why don't we play a bit on the playground before we eat?

Get Annie nice and tired, give her a full belly and I bet she'll sleep on the walk home.

" Emily offers. I watch the three as they push in the swings, slide down a tiny slide, and pretend to climb the rock wall.

All three of my girls are nothing but sunshine and smiles while a dark cloud looms over my shoulders.

Soon, Annie gets a bit whiney so they rejoin me on the blanket. After a quick lunch of finger foods and me brooding, Emily checks and sees that Annie has a dirty diaper.

"I'm just going to change her over there, away from the food." She laughs, grabbing Annie's diaper bag from the stroller.

This is when I should talk to my mom. I take a deep breath in, gearing up for an impossible conversation, but my mom beats me to it.

"I wish you could find a nice girl like Emily to settle down with." The deep breath I'd taken in whooshes out of my lungs in a rush.

"What?"

"A nice girl. Someone to take care of you. Someone down-to-earth and sweet. I like her for you."

"Mom, she's my nanny."

She rolls her eyes in a motherly way. "And why do you think so many rich men end up with their nannies?"

I have no idea. I've never thought for a second about rich men and their nannies, but in the next moment, I can think of three professional athletes that I know off the top of my head who cheated on their wives with the nanny .

"It's called forced proximity, hun. Seeing a beautiful, young woman, with no designs on your money or fame. It's refreshing. It's irresistable."

I sit for a moment, considering my mother's words, while watching Emily distract Annie while changing her diaper by waving a wet wipe in front of her, just out of reach. Annie giggles while making grabby hands at it.

But isn't that exactly what I was thinking in the pantry?

That she's beautiful, and kind, and not at all like the women who chase after professional hockey players?

Sure we have a financial arrangement, but I'm absolutely getting the better end of that deal.

I don't pay her enough for all she does for me, and her kindness and thoughtfulness as she helps me navigate my changes.

I shake my head as if I could shake off the thoughts.

"She works for me. It'd be a conflict of interests."

"Conflict of interests? Why? Because you work well together?

Because she clearly loves your daughter as much as you do?

Because she's good for you? Don't cut your nose off to spite your face, sweetheart.

If there's a good thing there, don't be afraid to chase it.

" She sighs and her shoulders slump. "I want that for you.

I want romance, butterflies, falling in love.

" And there it is, we're not talking about me anymore.

I want those things for her too, but I can't force her out of a marriage.

"You know I'd take care of you, right? If you left him. You'd want for nothing. I'd move you in next door."

We've had this conversation a hundred times, but I can't help myself but to keep trying. A long silence stretches between us, but Emily's almost done with Annie, so it's now or never .

"I don't want him around her. Ever. I don't want him to know she exists. Invent a book club or a second job and come visit us, but I don't want him anywhere near our family."

My mom tenses, but nods silently. Emily approaches cautiously, trying to read the tension between us to see if she should approach or not. I give her a tight nod. She sits down next to me on the blanket, her knee brushing my arm in the process, and a sharp thrill runs through me at the contact.

"Have you thought about your Grandma name?" She asks Nancy.

"My Grandma name?"

"Yeah, like what you want her to call you. Grandma, Mimi, G-ma, Nana, Grammy?"

My mom tosses her head back in a huffed laugh. "Oh my gosh, I've never even thought about it! I figured I had time. Carter would meet a nice girl, date for awhile, marry, and then I could start thinking about my Grandma name."

I know she doesn't mean it but I can't help the shame that sours my gut at her words. This isn't how she planned on becoming a grandmother. It sure as shit wasn't how I planned to become a father, but here we are.

"How about Nana? I loved my Nana growing up."

Emily beams at her. "Nana it is!" Emily gives me a reassuring smile. "Shall we head back? I think Annie-girl is about ready for her nap, and it's been a...day." She says, looking at my mother. That it has.

We walk back, me trailing behind the girls again.

The three most important women in my life walk just ten steps in front of me.

And I don't know what that means. Emily and my mom exchange phone numbers with promises to share more photos.

We agree to a standing Sunday playdate, and Emily offers to get the women together, even when I'm out of town.

God, I fucking appreciate this woman more and more every day.

She doesn't have to, but going out of her way for the people around her just comes naturally. A lump clogs my throat.

Emily takes Annie's hand in hers and waves goodbye to "Nana" as we watch my mother pull away in her beat-up Honda Civic. My heart aches for that woman.

After we close the door, I pull two of my girls into my arms and breathe a sigh of relief. I hold them still, my cheek resting on top of Emily's. Annie squirms in my arms.

"Thank you, Ems. Thank you for today. I can't..." My voice breaks and I'm not even embarassed. She pulls back slightly, so she can look up into my face.

She shakes her head with a soft smile. "I told you. I've got you."