Page 39 of Hat Trick (Titans Hockey #1)

Chapter thirty-three

Emily

A nnie and I pick our way through the crowd before the game.

The boys got us a seat right on the ice again in the Titan's family section.

I've got a pair of noise cancelling headphones for Annie and a large tote of things for her.

She'll probably crash halfway through the game, and I'll take her to the nursey to sleep it off.

The lights are on, and the music is loud, but the boys haven't come out yet for their pregame warmups.

I sit in the hard plastic chair and set Annie up on my lap.

I hand her a teether and look around the arena.

Fuck, I love hockey. The game, the skill, the blood, sweat and tears the boys literally leave on the ice, the fans, the game-day excitement. I can't believe this is my life.

Grateful tears threaten to fall. That is, until I hear the voice.

It's a voice I would recognize anywhere. I still sometimes hear it in my dreams. The effect it has over me is immediate. A thin film of ice covers my entire body, and it's not from the arena.

Chad.

I think of the Marvel movies, where the bad guy swoops in and wreaks havoc on an unsuspecting population until the good guys show up to do battle.

Except that's not what bad guys in real life do.

They lure you in with hope and promises, and the destruction they do to you is so slow you don't even notice.

There's no battle, no war, because you don't even realize you're being attacked.

That is until you wake up one morning and find yourself completely ruined .

Chad's destruction to my life and my self-confidence has been absolutely complete. By the time he was done with me, I'd been isolated from my friends and family, my college ambitions abandoned and my self-worth and confidence nowhere to be found.

Over the last few months with the boys, they've built me up, showering me with words of praise, showing me how much they want me, how much they care and value me.

It's been easy to allow them to rebuild my self-confidence.

But one man's voice and the carefully constructed foundation the boys have made falters.

I watch out of the corner of my eye as Chad settles into a row half a dozen chairs down and behind me, flanked by his three best friends.

If there's any God, he won't notice I'm here.

Out of the corner of my eye, though, I see his arm wrapped around the shoulder of a pretty blonde woman and my heart shatters. I close my eyes in a whole-body wince.

He never took me out. He never told his friends about me. He never let me meet them. He always had a good excuse and I always believed him. I hate myself for how fucking naive I was, but he was my first real boyfriend and I thought he was so handsome and popular at the time, I let it dazzle me.

Worse than being embarrassed of being in a relationship with me, we only ever made out or had sex in the complete dark.

I thought it was romantic at the time. It was only after that night with Gabe that I realized what he was actually doing.

That I was so fucking ugly or embarrassing that he could only do it in the dark, probably imagining I was someone else.

I was simply a willing, warm hole .

I'd like to say I was strong enough to stand up for what I deserved, but I wasn't. I changed myself completely, trying to be enough for him. If I lost the weight, wore the makeup, put out enough, he'd be proud of me and wear me on his arm. How fucking delusional.

I hold Annie tighter to me and kiss her forehead. "I don't care if you're 50 and I'm 75, I'm never going to let you date someone that's bad to you." I whisper into her hair, loving the smell of her shampoo.

"Em-ma," she coos and I can't help but catch her contagious smile.

The lights dim and the announcer brings our attention to the ice.

He announces the boys one at a time and they skate out into the arena.

I sigh in relief. In the dark maybe he really won't see me.

They lift their arms in celebration and skate warmup circles on the ice.

Gabe catches my gaze from the other end of the arena and skates lazily directly at me before stopping right in front of the plexiglass and staring at me.

Are you okay? His gaze asks. His concern, how he sees me, breaks loose some of my control and I shake my head 'no', my bottom lip quivering.

Our interaction, while sweet, has the unfortunate consequence of garnering the attention of everyone around us, including Chad and his friends.

Chad's friends recognize me and start shouting.

"Isn't that that girl you were fucking?"

"That nerdy one?"

"The desperate one?"

I wince at the accusations. They're not new. They're all things I've said about myself, but to hear them out loud and so cruelly public cuts me all over again.

The shouting and commotion grabs Gabe's attention and he scowls. One of the side effects of being an incredible goalie is that he doesn't miss a thing. He may not know exactly what's going on, but he knows I'm upset, and he knows who the cause of it is.

He skates over to the glass in front of Chad and his cronies and punches it with both gloved hands.

He points at me and then at himself mouthing "that's my woman" and then curls his hand into a fist and drags his thumb across his throat.

He looks feral. He looks like he wants to climb over the glass and beat the living shit out of Chad.

Fuck.

Shit.

Fucking shit Gabe?

"Gabe!" I scream, appalled at his incredibly public claiming of me.

And the threat of bodily harm to a fan. I look around us.

Several people caught the interaction on their phones.

My face flushes scarlet and I shrink down into my chair.

Annie babbles and presses both of her hands to my now bright cheeks.

"Baby girl, your uncle Gabe's going to get us in so much trouble.

" I whisper to her. I chance a peak up at Chad who's now looking at me with a perplexed face.

Like I'm a puzzle he can't quite work out.

I'm sure the puzzle he's trying to work out is why a sexy, successful, millionaire, professional hockey player sees in me. Great.

Gabe skates off again to finish his warmup routine.

There's nothing he can do for me right now, but he keeps Chad and his friends in his peripheral.

I have no doubt in my mind that if something were to happen, he would jump the plexiglass and beat the shit out of them.

That thought brings a weak smile to my face.

Carter's the next to come over, he smiles down at Annie and puts a gloved hand up to the glass. I grab Annie's hand and press it against her dad's. It's our little pre-game ritual. His obvious love for his daughter warms my heart.

Carter slides his helmet back on and skates off.

Next, Luca slides up to where we're sitting before giving me a salacious grin, a wink, and then drops to the ice to start his warmup.

Except his hip and groin warm up involve him, on his spread knees, humping the air.

He does it all staring at me dead in the eye.

I blush and laugh, in spite of myself, at his antics.

The heckling from Chad's crew dies down and a new sense of shame and realization crests over me, blanketing my low self-esteem. I was embarrassed when Gabe made a public claim on me. But wasn't that exactly what Chad had done? Been embarrassed to claim me?

I wasn't embarrassed of Gabe. Or of Carter or Luca.

They're all incredible. All three of them are way out of my league.

Not just physically or financially, they're all just incredible men.

I know I don't deserve them. But when it's just us, in the privacy of our home, I sometimes feel like I do.

I'm embarrassed of being public with our relationship because people will judge me.

They'll judge them. They'll slander me. The gossip rags will wonder why not only one incredible man is with someone like me, but three.

They'll slander our relationship - one that only we know why it works.

In private, in our home, our relationship makes perfect sense.

We're all part of a larger puzzle, or individual parts of a painting coming together to make a masterpiece.

We just work. And we don't care enough to question why.

I love my men. I love them so fiercely, and with so much of my heart, it can't be wrong. And they all love me.

Luca is my biggest fan and cheerleader. He thinks I can do no wrong.

He worships everything about me. Carter's my best friend.

He supports, understands, acknowledges me and is so damn grateful for me - for who I am - I can't help but feel good about myself.

And Gabe? When Gabe loves, he loves hard.

His is the Romeo and Juliet-type love. He loves me on so many levels it's hard to comprehend.

His love is like a wildfire - hot, intense, all-consuming.

And after he loves you, you're left completely changed.

And I wouldn't change it for the world.

But I didn't want to go public with us. The rest of the world isn't in this relationship; only we are.

Only our opinions matter. But I'm afraid of what people will say about me.

The "five on a good day". They'd comment on my looks, my clothes, my weight.

They'd highlight every way that I'm lacking as a woman.

And if I'm honest, I don't know if I'm strong enough to withstand that.

I've been torn down most of my life. These three men have built me back up, brick by brick, into someone I can be proud of.

I chuckle to myself.

I needed some space. Some time to work on myself - to be strong enough I didn't feel like I needed to hide our relationship. My boys deserve the very fucking best. I know Luca wants to be public with our love. Gabe just fucking declared it. Carter is calm, patient, waiting for my lead.

I wish I was confident enough. I wish I had the lady-balls to lay public claim to all three of my men, show them off, and not give a shit what anyone else thought.

But I do. I do care.

I let out a deep sigh as the first puck drops .

I'm going to do it. I'm going to work on myself and figure out how to overcome my self-esteem issues and be the type of woman deserving of my men.