Page 25 of Hat Trick (Titans Hockey #1)

Chapter twenty-two

Emily

" W ell, isn't this cozy?" Carter's bright voice wakes me the next morning.

I start awake, unsure exactly of where I'm at.

There's a heavy, masculine arm draped across my hip.

I rub my eyes furiously to see Carter, in gym shorts and a tank top resting against the open doorframe with his arms crossed.

Gabe groans and tries to pull me against him again, but I scramble out of bed like I've been caught.

Fuck! Is Carter jealous? I didn't think this through last night.

I'm going to get fired. I rub my eyes again to catch Carter's gaze narrowed in on my chest. I look down and see my nipples peeking through my sleep shirt.

I cross my arms over my chest and will my heart to stop beating so damn hard.

I need to do fucking cardio. This work out going from dead asleep to awake and terrified is probably not good for me.

The room spins and black creeps into my vision.

I groan and drop to the floor, bending over to put my head between my knees.

"Emily!" Carter shouts before dropping down next to me. The panic in Carter's voice causes Gabe to jump up as well with surprised grumbled curses. Carter pulls me into his lap while the black retreats.

"I'm fine...just stood up too fast." I mumble.

I push myself up and off of Carter's lap.

Both boys are looking at me now with intense scowls on their faces.

I'm so fucking stupid. I cuddled with Carter one night, and then Gabe the next.

And I don't know what it means for either of them.

Carter has every right to fire me, and Gabe has every right to hate me.

Luckily, Annie's sweet little voice pipes up from the baby monitor and I'm saved from any more awkward conversations.

I push past Carter and into my room, where I shut the door behind me.

I turn my attention to Annie before scooping her up out of her crib and cuddling her to me.

I lay her on my bed with a stuffed animal before changing into yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I sit on the end of my bed for a few moments, trying to collect my wayward thoughts. I needed armor. Emotional and mental armor. But I had no idea how to get there.

I look at Annie, whose looking at me with those wide bright blue eyes.

How the hell could I help Carter teach her emotional strength if I didn't have it myself?

How could I help her be the confident girl and confident woman she deserves to be if I'm not confident myself?

My heart brakes a little for her as I imagine the trials and tribulations she'll have to go through.

Bullies at school, boys breaking her heart, friends betraying her trust. Shit, I might not even be around to witness it if I'm about to get fired.

I sigh. The stress of the unknown - not knowing if I'd be fired or not - is getting to me.

It would just be easier to rip the band aid off and get it over with than to dwell on it.

Time to face the music. I scoop her up and walk into the kitchen to start prepping breakfast. Carter's there, arms crossed, waiting for me.

I avoid his eye contact as I plop Annie in her high chair and start to prep her food.

Carter walks over and gives his little girl kisses on both cheeks and a syrupy sweet 'good morning princess'. At least if I am about to be fired, I know he loves her.

He turns to me. "Should we talk about it? "

I hang my head, still unable to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry, Carter."

"For what?"

I pause. I don't really know. For sleeping in Gabe's bed? For cuddling him? If Carter and I can cuddle platonically, can Gabe and I? Shit, this is why I don't have friends.

"Did you sleep with him?"

"No." I bite my tongue. I want to proclaim that I never would, but I had tried to last night.

God, what I did was so inappropriate. He's not exactly my boss, but he kind of is.

Sleeping with any one of the boys would be a terrible mistake.

It would complicate everything in the household, for everyone.

I finally look him in the eye. "I'm sorry.

I was worried about him after the fight and went to check to make sure he was okay.

He asked me to stay with him...sort of..

." he didn't really say anything with words.

"I'll admit I made a move on him, but he rejected me.

And I'm really very sorry. I never should have.

Crossing that line would make things awkward for all of us.

I wasn't thinking. It'll never happen again.

" Those traitorous tears threaten to appear again.

The pain of his rejection is still so fresh.

Then admitting it out loud coats me in shame and regret.

I need this job and I'm about to get fired because I couldn't keep it in my pants.

I open the refrigerator door and stare inside, hiding my tears.

"Hey," Carter whispers, coming up behind me and running his hands up and down my arms reassuringly. It only makes the tears come faster. He must feel my sobs because he turns me around in his arms and holds me to his chest .

"Shhh...it's okay." He whispers to me with his deep baritone, his hands rubbing soothing circles on my back. As my tears slow down, his hands stop.

"He really turned you down?"

I groan and roll my eyes before pulling out of his arms and wiping my cheeks.

"I really don't want to talk about it." Carter glances in the direction of Gabe's room with a funny look on his face.

We're silent for a few moments while I finish cutting up strawberries and blueberries with yogurt for Annie.

"I like you for him." Carter says suddenly.

I wrinkle my nose and give him a look. "I thought I'd be jealous when I saw you together, but the jealousy never came.

I like you for him. He carries the weight of every game, of the entire team, the entire fandom on his shoulders.

If we win a game, those of us that score take the victory.

If we lose, it's all his fault. Never in any outcome does he get to be the hero.

Having millions of people blame you for their team losing.

..it's a lot. We all know we're a team, and the puck has to get past his defense to even get a chance on goal, but at the end of the day he takes all the blame and responsibility.

And he never lets people in. He knows we have his back and that we're a team, but he's still an island.

He let you in last night. He let you take care of him.

" Carter rubs the back of his neck. "I'm not sure what's going on with rejecting you, but you spent the night with him. He doesn't do that. Ever."

I look up at Carter, blinking through the remnants of my tears. "You're not angry?"

"I thought I would be, but I'm really not. If you help him feel more supported and less alone, I'm all for it. "

I return my focus to Annie, who's happily palming her food and babbling away to herself. I'm still confused as to what happened last night, and I don't know what this means for any of us, but I'm not getting fired. And Carter's not angry. That's enough for today.

Just then, a sleepy Gabe shuffles into the kitchen wearing only athletic shorts.

I avoid eye contact, choosing to focus on Annie, until a warm palm envelopes my hip and a split lip kisses my cheek.

"Good morning." Gabe says, his voice low and gravelly with sleep.

My body is instantly at war with itself.

His voice, the touch of his rough fingers on the sliver of exposed stomach sends heat and lust straight to my core.

The confusing mixture of rejection and affection causes my heart to clench and tears to prick my eyes.

Self-preservation kicks in and I have to get away.

"You got Annie?" I ask Carter, my voice cracking.

Gabe has his back to me while he pours his coffee, but Carter can see the despair on my face.

He gives me a worried look but simply nods.

I can't run out of there faster. I shut myself in my room and sit on my bed, head in my hands, hurt, embarrassed, confused, afraid.

I have a hundred emotions churning inside of me, vying for my attention, but I don't know which one to process first. I just hold my head in my hands and cry.