Page 51 of Hat Trick (Titans Hockey #1)

Chapter forty-five

Carter

T he next week is a fucking nightmare. Luca and Gabe ignore me at the house and shoot me death glares at the arena. I knew I'd fucked up the minute the words came out of my mouth. In my typical, controlling, OCD manner I'd walked into my own personal version of hell and fucked it all up.

I saw Cedar, looking as beautiful as ever, in my home, which she'd never been to.

I saw Emily, her eyes wide and scared. I'd seen Annie - my little girl and the love of my life and the fear overwhelmed me.

I felt utterly out of control and terrified.

I was terrified what Cedar had said to Emily, I was terrified Cedar would try to take Annie away from me now.

I was terrified Emily would leave us now that Cedar was back in the picture.

And I saw Mrs. Washington, and I was terrified she was going to take Annie away from me too.

Out of all of the variables in the room, I wanted Emily away from this.

I wanted to protect her from the hurt of seeing Cedar, and what Cedar would say to her.

I knew Emily would look at Cedar and see the type of woman I normally go out with.

Tall, thin, beautiful. And I knew it would bruise her self-esteem.

I wanted to protect her from losing Annie.

And the coward in me didn't want her to see me fail.

I couldn't stand the thought of her watching me fail as a father, after everything she'd done to help me grow.

I didn't know if I was going to scream, cry, shout, or lose my shit, but I wanted to protect Emily from the worst of me .

Cedar had suffered from postpartum depression after Annie was born and began self-medicating with drugs and alcohol.

I had seen warning signs of an addictive personality in her when we were together, but we were never each other's problems. After she got into a fender bender with a parked police cruiser (no one was hurt thank God), she was arrested for a DUI and gave up her parental rights.

She'd gone to a six-month rehab and was living in a recovery house.

She wasn't demanding parental rights again, but she wanted to explain what had happened and ask if I'd be open to letting her be a part of Annie's life.

She apologized for how rudely she spoke to Emily, but she'd been taken aback by seeing such a beautiful young woman holding her baby like Annie belonged to Emily.

Hurt and regret and jealousy overwhelmed her, and she admitted she'd been a bitch.

I believed her. I even gave her Emily's number so she could apologize.

I couldn't look her in the face when Emily left, but seeing the shock and pain and hurt reflected in Gabe and Luca's eyes was enough.

I knew I fucked up, but I was helpless to do anything about it in the minute.

I needed to know where things stood with Cedar and Annie before I could begin to know where things stood with Emily. I prayed she could forgive me.

I'd asked her to take a walk to give me time.

That's all I needed - time. But even after we settled things with Cedar, Annie and Mrs. Washington, she still hadn't come back.

I waited on the couch for her for hours, but she never came home.

I called and called and texted, but she must have turned off her phone.

I was worried sick. She'd gone out, alone, in the pouring rain and it was well past nightfall now.

Finally, I swallow my pride and call Sammy .

"Fuck off, Carter." He spits my name with such disdain.

"I get it man, just tell me she's okay. She didn't come home and..."

"She is home. Her only real home. Leave her alone. You've done enough." He spits before hanging up on me.

I sit on her bed and watch Annie sleep. She'd fussed before going to bed, obviously missing Emily. We both were.

Day after day goes by and I'm stuck in limbo.

I've called and texted her a hundred times.

I had to bribe a woman at HR to give me her brother's address, where she was living when she still worked for the Titans.

I went to see her at least once a day. If he was home, her brother would tell me to 'fuck off' before slamming the door in my face.

If he wasn't home, my knocks went unanswered.

I try to perform on the ice, but my heart isn't in it.

I'd drop Annie off at the daycare and put in the work, but I was phoning it in, and the rest of the team could tell.

Only Gabe and Luca knew what had happened, and they wouldn't gossip, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to see my mind was elsewhere.

I'm not eating. I'm not sleeping.

At night, after Annie's asleep, I scroll through pictures on my phone of Emily, and hurt.

I deserve to hurt. I deserve the pain. Candid pictures of her at family day with Gabe.

Selfies she and I took together at the river.

Pictures of her and Luca playing together in Novy's pool.

The night we were all together in Colorado.

Her soft, pale skin contrasted against Gabe and Luca's dark suits, the soft smile, her eyes hooded and pupils blown out in lust. I zoom in on her lips, before touching my own.

I never knew someone like Emily existed.

I never knew I could feel like this about someone.

Growing up with my mom and my dad, I didn't know what a healthy relationship could look like.

How my heart and soul could live inside another.

How you can barely breathe without that person around.

I had to breathe, for Annie, but I was barely making it.

Finally, Saturday morning we're eating breakfast and drinking coffee, while Gabe and Luca pretend I'm not in the room and can't hear them, when the doorbell rings.

I answer it to find a pissed off Sammy on my front porch.

"I'm here to pack up her stuff." He says, pushing past me in the doorway. I grab the back of his shirt and pull him harder than I should have back to the front porch.

"The fuck you are!" I growl at him.

Sammy squares off against me and I have to admire the guy. I have six inches and probably seventy-five pounds on him, but he isn't giving up without a fight. "She's moving out. She's done with you guys. I'm here to pack up her stuff."

I cross my arms and block the doorway, daring him.

"Fine!" He shouts, shaking down his hands.

I snort at him. "You're not wearing any gloves."

"Fucking habit." He says, before grabbing me around the collar and landing a few fast punches to my jaw. We wrestle and manage to fall into the front yard, Sammy on top, straddling me, landing punch after punch as I hold up my arms to shield my face.

"Fucking fight back!" He shouts between grunts. "Fucking fight for her!"

I shove him off of me and we sit there on our backs, in the grass, breathing heavy. "I don't know what to fucking do!"

I look up to see Gabe and Luca looking back down at us, watching.

"You don't think I've been trying to figure out how to get her back?

But words like 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm an asshole' and 'I love you' aren't enough.

" My chest pumps up and down as the throbbing pain from my jaw and eye make themselves known.

I run my hand down my face, wincing as I hit my swollen cheekbone.

"You love her?" Sammy asks quietly from somewhere in the grass next to me.

"Yeah man. We all do. We have for a while now." I glance up at Gabe and Luca who nod at me in confirmation. I narrow my eyes at them and point, "And neither one of you stopped her either. I may have told her to take a walk, but neither one of you fought for her either."

At least they have the decency to look ashamed.

"I gotta think of something big. Something that says 'I'm an asshole, and I know it and I'm sorry and I love you and I promise never to show my ass like that again.

' But man...I gutted her. I know that I did.

I made her feel like she didn't belong, like she wasn't important, like she wasn't the entire thing our little family revolves around.

Without her, I wouldn't have become the father I am now.

Without her..." I pause, my voice close to cracking.

I can't imagine a future without her. I can't imagine a family without her.

I sit up, finally and look to Sammy. "What do I do? How do I get her back? She won't answer my calls or texts. Won't answer the door when I go to your place."

He looks at me with sympathy. "I don't know man, you really fucked this up.

Bad. She's devastated, heartbroken. She hasn't left her room in a week.

" My heart aches more. I never wanted to cause her pain.

I should have sent everyone else away that day and held on to her. She's the only one that matters .

"Come on," Gabe says, offering me a hand while Luca offers Sammy one. "Let's get inside, crack open a few cold ones, and figure out how to get our girl back."

I nod and swallow past the lump in my throat. I'm grateful. I was the one who fucked up, but I have three guys willing to help me make it right. We'll figure this the fuck out or I'll break down her door and drag her home kicking and screaming.

Because there's no future without Emily in it.