Page 38 of Harbor Lights (Inishderry Island Romances #3)

TWENTY-SIX

Shiv tiptoed around the kitchen preparing breakfast, hoping Con would wake soon.

Between the karaoke and the lovemaking, she’d burned a few calories last night, and she was starving.

She’d left Con snoring into her pillow and trotted up to the Waterside, long before the guests were awake.

She’d found Colette in the kitchen, baking bread, and she’d scrounged a loaf, along with some eggs.

She looked forward to impressing Con with her improved omelet skills.

Until then, she sipped coffee and reflected on the night they’d just shared.

Con had surprised her with her passion. She’d made sure to take things slow, so Con didn’t feel overwhelmed, or pressured into continuing with anything that didn’t feel right.

But in the end, it’d been Con who’d moved things on.

And how she had. Shiv had never felt a connection like it.

She recalled the way Con had lit up every nerve in her body, and how she’d held her close while she came down.

Then she’d told her she loved her.

“Hey, dreamer, what are you thinking about?”

Con’s husky morning voice nearly made Shiv drop her coffee mug. Instead, she jumped up and threw her arms around her neck.

“It’s been too long since I kissed you.”

Con pulled back. “Morning breath.”

“Don’t care.” She kissed her, and Con responded, eventually pushing her gently back.

“I need coffee. And breakfast. I’m famished.”

“Same.” Shiv filled a mug and handed it over. She buttered a wedge of bread and held it to Con’s mouth, where even white teeth took it from her.

“That’ll keep you going. Breakfast will be five minutes.”

She turned up the heat under the pan and retrieved the eggs she had beaten earlier.

“This bread is still warm.” Con turned to the counter and picked up the loaf.

“Yeah, I snuck it from the Waterside earlier. Colette was making an early start. Will you butter some more?”

Shiv got the omelet cooked to perfection and dished it up on two plates. Con had sat down with the plate of bread and was chewing a piece.

“Did you see anyone else?”

Shiv placed the food in front of her. “At the Waterside? No, it was real early. Why?”

Con chewed on the omelet as Shiv waited hopefully for a compliment on her improved omelet skills. But Con seemed distracted.

“Is it okay?” Shiv took a bite of her own food, and it tasted good. Perfectly cooked, if she said so herself.

“Hmm? Yes, fine. Thank you.” Con pulled her phone from where it lay across the table and flicked through messages.

Disappointment flooded her. She’d hoped for a cozy breakfast, and then perhaps a trip back to bed before Con had to leave.

“Is everything okay? You’re not regretting last night?” She needed to know what had changed between them.

Con looked up, her eyes guarded. “No, of course not. It was lovely.”

Lovely? “You seem distant.”

Con blinked a couple of times and pulled off her glasses to run a hand over her face. “Last night was very special. But can we keep it to ourselves for now?” The last words came out in a rush.

Shiv couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“What? You enjoyed yourself, but you don’t want anyone to know about us?” Shiv couldn’t help the rise in her tone.

“Oh, God, I knew you’d overreact.” Con replaced her glasses and stood.

“I just mean that this place is terrible for gossip. And this…” She waved her hand between them.

“Is so new. I just…” She ran her hand through her hair and looked so lost the reasonable part of Shiv wanted to gather her up and reassure her.

But the fire of indignation burning in her chest took over. “You just don’t want people to know you slept with the casual laborer.”

“What?” Con swung to her. “Oh, God, no, Siobhán, that’s not it.” She took Shiv’s hands, but Shiv pulled away.

“That’s what it looks like.” Her nose and eyes were stinging, but she refused to cry in front of Con. Getting angry was easier. “You could’ve just been honest and got this out of the way weeks ago. A little fuck to reassure yourself you still had it in you.”

“What the hell, Siobhán? What about any of this suggests it wasn’t special? I told you I didn’t do casual.”

Con’s tone was carefully measured, but a hint of a tremor lay below it. Good. Shiv was glad this was hard for her, too. Did she honestly believe that Shiv would compliantly go along with being her dirty little secret?

“So, you’re serious as long as it’s hidden? Yeah, that’s a completely normal way to carry on a relationship. Or is it so long since you were in one, you forgot how it works?”

She hated herself for saying those words, but the satisfaction of seeing Con’s face crumple won over. She wanted her to feel as heartbroken as Shiv did.

“It’s barely a relationship; we’ve only spent one night…”

“Exactly. One night of sex. Well, you got what you came for. You can go home, now.”

“I don’t want to leave.” Con stood her ground, her eyes wet now, and her chin trembling.

“Stay, then.” She grabbed her coat. “It’s time I got back up to the cabin, anyway.” She kicked her feet into Tierney’s sneakers, the thought of needing to buy new boots adding to her sense of injustice. She had to get out of here quick before she exploded.

“Shiv, please.”

She didn’t turn, but marched to the door and flung it open. She took the lawn at a jog, driven by the fear of running into any well-meaning cousins.

The tears fell by the time she reached the rocky track up to the cliffs.

The uneven ground and blurred vision combined to slow her to a trudge.

She let herself wallow in the sense of… what was it?

Disappointment? People had been disappointing her all her life.

She should know better. Betrayal? She’d known Con was too good for her.

She was a doctor, for fuck’s sake. She was never going to get in a serious relationship with someone like Shiv.

But as the tears streamed down her face, she knew the real reason it hurt so much.

She’d got in deep with Con and now it was over before it had even started, because she wasn’t worth the effort.

Her foot caught on a rock, and she lost her footing, scrambling on all fours for a moment on the loose stones, until she rolled around to sit. She rubbed her stinging hands together, dust mixing with blood in the grazes on each palm. At least she had a fully equipped first aid kit now in the cabin.

“Fuck.” She picked up a rock and threw it down the path, watching it gain momentum as it disappeared downhill. She could’ve just resisted the temptation with Con. It was never going to work out; she’d known that. What had she been thinking?

She pushed to her feet and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. She picked her way up the path, paying more attention to the underfoot conditions, but the recriminating voice in her head didn’t fade.

So, she answered it honestly. I wanted it to work.

I wanted Con to like me enough to see past my background and my jail time.

I wanted her to be more than a friend, working on a worthwhile project together.

I fell in love with her. She sobbed again, but scrubbed at her eyes and continued the slog up the hill.

That was the truth of it. She’d fallen in love.

Accidentally. Just by feeling a little less guarded in a community full of people who not only accepted her, but claimed her for one of their own.

She’d foolishly hoped, just for a moment, she could be happy.

But she wasn’t really one of them. She was an outsider, as she’d been all her life.

Maybe she needed to accept that and keep moving.

There was plenty of activism to take on in parts of Europe where people were fighting for basic LGBTQ+ rights.

She sighed when the cottage came into view. A long, hot shower was what she needed right now, then to thoroughly clean the cuts stinging her palms. The last thing she needed was a trip to the surgery if they got infected. She’d rather chop off her hands.

She made a quick circuit of the house to see any obvious effects of the previous day’s heavy rains. The state of the inside would give her a clearer picture if her repairs had been thorough.

She pushed open the porch door, but something was blocking it. She pushed harder and found her life jacket, along with her boots and jeans, left neatly on the doorstep. The jeans had been washed and folded, and the boots looked clean and polished.

A small envelope was tucked into the crack of the door, and she retrieved it as she went inside. She flicked on the kettle. Power was still on; that was a good sign. Then she sat at the little table to read the note.

Hey there, hope you had a good rest at the Waterside. I took your kayak back on the boat and found these lying on the beach in the rain. They’re dry and clean now. Thought you might need your work boots for the clubhouse.

Weather permitting, we’ll be there tomorrow, as soon as I get back from the boat. You’ve seen how good Mari is with a paintbrush and you and I can get those insulation panels fitted. Denny has committed to bringing his spade, so that’ll be helpful!

Sorry again for shouting at you the other day. You did a brave thing, but you’ve become an important part of our lives and the thought of losing you scared me shitless.

Looking forward to getting this youth club up and running.

See you in the morning.

Joey x

Shiv read the note over, then lowered her head to the table, crumpling the paper in her hand. How had she made this so complicated? They were doing something good here, more micro than she was used to, but she was making a difference in a whole new way, and she liked it.

Now she’d blown it with someone who was a big part of this community. Who would break a little piece of her heart every time she saw her. How could she carry on? But how could she leave?

She dragged herself to the bathroom, dropping clothing as she went, and got into the shower, turning the temperature as hot as she could bear.

Perhaps the almost-scalding water could wash off her devastation from the morning.

She leaned her head against the shower wall and let the water flow.

When she could bear it no longer, she got out and dried off, pulling on her work clothes.

Today was a day for finishing off all the final small jobs in the cabin.

If she could complete the work, she could put all her energy into making the youth club happen.

Then what? She tightened her tool belt aggressively and stood straight. Whatever she decided next, it would be her move. She ignored the deep ache in her chest. She’d get through it. She always had.