Page 24 of Harbor Lights (Inishderry Island Romances #3)

FIFTEEN

The classical music wasn’t having the calming effect Con was hoping for as she sprawled on her couch after work.

Today had dragged on after she’d woken late with the familiar woolly mouth inflicted by too much red wine.

Then she’d recalled with a jolt what else had been in her mouth, and she’s spent the day revisiting the time on the quay with Shiv, and Shiv’s sudden departure.

Not that they’d have had time to discuss anything before Christy arrived, but the way Shiv had turned on her heel had upset her.

She’d dropped her a text before work, and then one later in the day asking if they could talk, but Shiv hadn’t replied.

Her own reaction to the kiss had been clumsy, but the feelings that had surged through her, both physical and emotional, had knocked her off balance.

Along with the ferocity of Shiv’s desire.

She’d just needed a moment to process what was happening.

Then Christy had turned up, and Shiv had run off.

Con had spent the boat ride back distractedly fielding Christy’s small talk while her brain was on a continuous loop recalling their kiss.

Shiv had made her feel truly wanted in a way she’d never experienced. And Con craved more of her. But what did that look like, realistically? Shiv wasn’t here to find love.

“Aaaah.” Her groan didn’t do much to relieve the frustration.

This conversation needed two participants.

She looked again at the blank screen of the phone.

She wasn’t going to wait another week for Shiv to resurface and talk to her.

Tomorrow was Saturday, and they were meant to be shopping together.

She typed a message that reflected her current mood.

If you don’t reply I’m coming to get you tomorrow, to take you shopping like we arranged.

She dropped her phone and leaned her head back on the couch, watching the fading daylight outside the window.

If she could find the energy, she would head down to the Harbor Bar and listen to the live music playing tonight.

Maybe she’d even take her fiddle and join in with a couple of tunes.

That was never as much fun as she hoped because the locals inevitably stepped back to leave her playing alone, only taking up their instruments once she’d finished.

What she really wanted was to join in and play with everyone else.

Her phone buzzed and she picked it up.

I’ll be on the midmorning ferry.

Shiv’s message was blunt, but at least she’d replied. Her mood boosted, Con took a shower and dressed for an evening in her local bar. Before she left her room, she glanced at the fiddle in its case in the corner. She couldn’t handle standing out in the crowd tonight. She just wanted to relax.

The bar was quiet this early in the evening, so Con took her usual place at a corner table—close enough to hear the conversation at the bar, but not close enough to intrude.

“Doc.” Larry, the manager, came over and placed a canteen of cutlery and sauces on her table. “The usual?”

She didn’t bother to look at the menu. Friday night fish and chips was her regular treat for getting through the week. It was always well cooked at the Harbor Bar. “Yes please, Larry. And a pint.”

She wasn’t in the mood for wine after last night.

Shane O’Dwyer, one of the local fishers, turned from where he was chatting at the bar.

“Doc, how are ya?”

She smiled politely. “I’m well thank you, Shane. How’s business?”

“Same old. We fish what we can, but the man takes most of the profits.”

Con suspected the Harbor Bar took its fair share of the profits, too, but she didn’t say that.

He turned back to his conversation with Tony Tyrrell, an Inishderry islander who also fished. Occasionally. When he wasn’t in the bar.

Larry returned with her drink. “Will you get the next round for Shane and Tony please?”

He nodded and returned to the bar.

She spent the rest of her evening wondering why her solo dining experience suddenly felt so dissatisfying. But she knew the real reason: she’d gotten used to Shiv’s companionship and her unique view of the world. The way she could cut through all the bullshit and seek out the truth.

Con finished eating and headed home earlier than was her habit.

Ending the evening with a malt whiskey in her study, she glanced out at the lights of the boats in the harbor, and wondered what the next day would bring.

Was it excitement or dread sitting deep in her stomach, adding an acid side note to her digestion?

Well, at least she didn’t have long to wait.

* * *

A sharp rap on the window of the Land Rover startled Con enough to bang her head on the steering wheel. She’d been rummaging in the glove box for some appropriate music to play on the ancient tape deck that served as onboard entertainment.

“Ouch.” She rubbed the back of her head while Shiv jumped up the step and settled in the seat next to her.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to get in unannounced.”

Con turned to Shiv, who was avoiding eye contact. “Fancy listening to Rumours?” She held out the cassette she’d been searching for. Everyone loved a bit of Fleetwood Mac, didn’t they?

Shiv turned and her eyes opened wide. “Hey, I love this album.” She took the cassette and turned it over. “Is it an original copy?”

“I was six years old when the album was released, so, no.”

When Shiv blinked, Con felt a pang of regret for her blunt reply.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean that you’re old enough to have bought it when it came out. I thought maybe it was your parents’.”

Con smiled to lighten her previous response. “Actually, my dad did have the album on vinyl. It was one of his few forays into popular music.”

“Was this their car?” Shiv pushed the cassette carefully into the machine and pressed play.

Con listened to the familiar guitar intro for a few moments.

“It was my dad’s car. He bought it the year we were born because it had four doors, and he thought my mum would like the extra space.

She said it was ridiculous and made him buy her a regular family car, so he kept this one for himself and his visits.

It’s great for reaching patients off the beaten track. ”

“We?”

“What?” Con was confused, although pleased that they were having a regular conversation.

“You said ‘we’ were born.”

“My sister and I.” She glanced across.

“You’ve never mentioned her. Where is she?”

“In Australia. We’re not good at keeping in touch.” She didn’t want to be sidetracked right now. “Can we move the conversation to what happened between us the other night?”

Shiv shuffled in her seat. “I’m sorry about what happened, but I don’t want to talk about it, really.”

“Don’t be sorry. It was… perfect.” Con reached out to where Shiv’s hand rested on her lap, but Shiv pulled away as if burned. Maybe she should pull over before her distraction got them killed. A lay-by loomed ahead, and she indicated.

“What are you doing?”

She turned into the space, pulled on the handbrake, and switched off the engine. Fleetwood Mac stopped playing and the car was suddenly very quiet. “We need to talk, Siobhán. I’m too old for this avoiding each other malarky.”

“I’m not avoiding you. I’m sitting in the car next to you.” Shiv picked at the skin around her nails.

Con put a hand over hers and she stiffened but at least she didn’t pull away this time. “But you don’t want to talk about what was, at least to me, a very significant event last night.”

Shiv remained staring at their joint hands. When she clearly wasn’t going to speak, Con sighed. “I understand if it wasn’t the same for you, but I?—”

“No.” Shiv grasped her fingers and twisted in her seat. “It was special.” Her rough fingers ran along Con’s wrist. “But I know you’re not the type of person who wants a casual hook up, so I’m sorry I took us down that route.”

“And is that what’s happening here? A purely sexual draw? Is that what you’re looking for?”

Shiv had really opened up lately and they’d talked about some deep stuff.

Their connection felt to Con much more than a potentially sexual one.

Shiv saw her and understood her. Even if Shiv had an itch to scratch, why would she have chosen the middle-aged, menopausal GP?

Even in their small community there were more likely candidates.

“No.” The single word was a groan. “I wasn’t looking for anything, Con. Just some peace and quiet. But then I met you and got to know you.” Her amber eyes flicked up to meet Con’s. “And now there are feelings I wasn’t expecting.”

“The feeling that you wanted to have me there and then in the darkness on the quay?” What am I doing? Shiv finally opens up about how she feels, and I turn it back to sex. Perhaps she was as guilty of avoiding the truth as Shiv.

Shiv smiled. “Among other things.”

She turned in her seat, tucking one leg under her ass until she was fully facing Con.

“How you make me feel is unexpected, but powerful. And I’ve lived my life following my emotions.

Whether that be driving across three states to protest at an event, or spending the night with a woman I met on a demo because I liked her eyes.

But I get that you don’t just act on everything you feel without considering the consequences.

I like you a lot, and I don’t want this—me—to mess with what we’ve got. ”

Con didn’t know how to respond, but she needed physical contact. She lifted her hand, running her finger along Shiv’s jaw. Shiv trembled. She was making it worse. She removed her hand and pushed it under her leg where it could do no harm.

“Being around you makes me feel things I didn’t even know I was capable of.

” Emotion washed over Con in a wave that left her feeling overwhelmed.

She cleared her throat. “But you’re right.

I’m not looking for a hook up, or anything else.

But I love being around you. Our talks have become important to me. Can we keep doing that?”

Shiv nodded with a smile, but those words hung in Con’s mind for the rest of the day.

As they shopped together—Shiv’s essentials appearing to be oatmeal, carrots, peanut butter, bananas, and an enormous tub of protein powder—she couldn’t help wondering: had she been truthful?

She hadn’t asked for any of this, but now she and Shiv had built this connection, whatever it was.

Did she really want nothing more than friendship?

She followed Shiv’s movements as she lifted the heavy sacks into the back of the truck, her lean arms straining.

She took in the length of her smooth neck as she threw her head back in laughter at something Con had said.

Over lunch, she couldn’t tear her eyes away while Shiv passionately described the impact on the trans community of some state law that had recently been passed.

And often, too, she was pinned by Shiv’s intense amber gaze.

They hadn’t really resolved anything, just pushed it back down under the cover of friendship.

Serious potential existed for getting her heart broken here, even though she’d promised she’d never allow that kind of pain in again.

She needed some distance while she got her emotions under control.

As Con drove them back to Portrinn at the end of the day, Shiv offered the bag of nuts she was snacking on. “I nearly forgot to tell you. I had an idea about a building for the youth club.”

She took a handful of nuts. “You did?” How did Shiv have the energy to juggle so many projects?

“Yeah. You know that old building opposite the Waterside? With the tin roof and the painting on the door.”

“I do. An art collective took it over for a summer maybe ten years ago. It’s been empty ever since.”

“My granddad owns it.”

“He does?” She wondered if Tierney knew that. She’d talked about commandeering it to store kayaks.

“Yeah. I’m still negotiating fair payment for the work I’m doing at the cabin.

He keeps threatening to get someone local to do it, even though we both know no one wants the job.

Which was why he sent me there in the first place.

The other day, I investigated the building, and Christy told me it belongs to Des, so I suggested he sign it over to me in exchange for the work. ”

“And he said yes?” It wasn’t like Des Walsh to hand over property.

“He didn’t say no. He doesn’t like giving things away, but my work on the cabin will bring him an income, and the shed is no use to him. It would need thousands to make it habitable and it’s too close to the road to make a good holiday let.”

“Perfect for kids coming from the ferry, though.”

“You said you’d prefer something on the mainland.” Shiv fiddled with the cassette player.

“But we’d be shipping island kids to the mainland, so why not take the mainland kids to Inishderry? I like the idea in theory. Can we go have a look?”

“Yeah, let me know when you’re back on the island and I’ll meet you there.”

“But if this works out, it’ll cost you money, Siobhán. That seems unfair.”

Shiv shrugged. “I’ve spent every cent I ever earned on causes, and this is an amazing project. It’ll really help the local kids. Besides, I’ve got plenty of work now. Especially if you still want that other consulting room redecorated.”

“I do. And the garden work needs doing when the weather improves.”

They sat in companionable silence as the music played them back to the harbor.

Perhaps Con could find jobs to keep Shiv around for the foreseeable future.

And the youth club project would be something they’d need to work on closely.

But she’d only just sworn to keep her distance to keep herself safe from heartbreak.

She was so conflicted. It was as though Shiv was a drug she couldn’t get enough of, even though it would eventually cause her great harm.

She knew what guidance she would give to a patient in this situation.

Would she be able to follow her own advice?