Page 23 of Harbor Lights (Inishderry Island Romances #3)

“In you.” Shit, too much. “I mean, in who you are. How you got here. You tell this story of always being the village doctor, like your father before you, but no one’s life is that simple.”

She picked at her food, but she wanted to understand Con better, and this conversation was enlightening.

“Were you married?”

Con speared a piece of fish. “For all those years we were together, we couldn’t legally marry. The equal marriage legislation was being finalized when she left me. The day she announced we were over, I had a ring in my pocket, waiting for the perfect moment.”

Shiv felt her eyes prickle at the thought of Con’s anguish. “Oh jeez, Con. That must’ve been devastating. So, after all that, how did you remain friends?”

Con finished chewing. “Majella insisted. I guess it was guilt. She said she wanted me to have a place in her life still. And I wasn’t ready to let her go. So, I went along with it.”

“And now?”

“Now it’s just become the norm. I’ve been there to see Audrey’s children grow from children to adults living their own lives.”

“And are those relationships important?”

Con stared. “I don’t… know. It’s what I’m used to. I spend every Christmas there, go for birthdays and anniversaries.”

Shiv wanted to ask more about whether the situation made her happy, but she felt she’d pushed enough. She took the last bite of her eggplant. “So, what’s the plan for the youth club, if you can get it up and running?”

Con smiled and seemed grateful for the change in topic. “I think there’s a lot of possibilities. The kids on the island would love somewhere to meet, especially the ones who aren’t sporty. A few kids have talked about game nights. You know those role-playing games?”

“Like Dungeons and Dragons? I didn’t know kids still played that.”

“Oh, yes, it’s still got a big following. So, we could have something happening every evening. And a couple of nights specifically for LGBTQ+ kids.”

“So, if they weren’t out at home, they could say they were going to the youth club?” Shiv liked the idea of providing a safe space.

“Yeah, but I need to have a way of getting kids between here and the mainland, regularly. Christy’s offered the water taxi, but he’s the only qualified youth worker in the area, so I was hoping to get him more involved in that side of things.”

“Christy Walsh is a youth worker?” Shiv had imagined her cousins were destined to run the ferry business from birth.

“Yes, he worked for a while in the city, but came home when Anto wanted him and Aoife to take over the ferries.”

“I guess there’s a lot of detail to work out.”

“There is.” Con took a long drink of her wine. “But it will be such a worthwhile project.” Her smile spread from ear to ear. “I can’t remember when I felt so passionate about anything outside of my work.”

A motivated, happy Con filled Shiv with warmth.

The vibrancy of her smile transformed her, and Shiv gave up trying to deny her attraction and bathed in it.

Everything about Con was magnetic: her caring nature, her strong, reassuring presence, those capable hands.

She shivered slightly and realized they’d been staring into each other’s eyes a little too long.

“Are we all finished here?”

The server’s question jolted them out of the moment and Con picked up her napkin and wiped her mouth. “Just dessert to go now.”

Shiv wanted to lose herself again in Con’s smile. She had the urge to take away all of the hurt and loneliness that lurked behind it. Who am I kidding? I’m even more fucked up than she is. She’d hardly see me as a safe harbor.

Con emptied her wineglass. Shiv reached for the water jug and her fingers brushed Con’s when she reached for it also. Shiv swallowed and pulled her hand back, watching Con fill her glass before topping up her own with the last of the wine.

“You don’t mind me drinking, do you?”

“Not at all.” Not if it helped Con enjoy the evening.

Shiv felt alive with the energy building between them.

She wouldn’t want anything to deaden that, even if she was unsure where it was leading.

The bonus was she was so taken up with Con’s presence, she’d barely been aware there were other people in the room.

Eating in public was definitely less of a problem with Con there to distract her.

They finished their last course with more casual conversation, as Shiv asked about Con’s favorite beaches to search for sea glass.

But her top moment was when she commented about how tart her peach melba was, and Con suggested they combine the flavors.

Licking the rich chocolate mousse from Con’s spoon while they maintained eye contact seemed pretty flirty to Shiv. In Con’s mind, where was this going?

Con insisted on settling the bill and asked Shiv to wait for her in the lobby while she spoke with Kasia. Shiv held out her thick wool coat as she returned, unsure if Con would appreciate the gesture.

Con smiled as she shrugged into the coat. “I don’t think anyone has ever done that for me before.”

“Is it okay?” It mattered.

“It’s okay with you, yeah.”

Shiv pulled on her jacket, suddenly very aware of the paint stains and worn collar alongside the fine wool of Con’s long coat. “Did you call Christy?”

“He’ll meet me at the quay in ten minutes.”

“I’ll walk down with you.”

Con shook her head, smiling. “You don’t need to. I know the way.”

“You’ve had a bottle of wine. It would be irresponsible of me to leave you to walk down there in the dark alone.” Shiv was only half joking. Con wasn’t showing the effects of drinking so much, but Shiv wanted to keep her safe.

Side by side, they walked down the dark hill. Shiv pulled out the powerful headlamp she’d need for her walk home and lit their way. No moon was out tonight, so it was as dark as it got.

“Thank you for the meal.” She breathed in. “And thanks for not making a big deal of me not wanting to be filmed.”

“I’d almost forgotten about that.” Con bumped shoulders with her. “You’ve told me about the problems you’ve had. I doubt even Marianne has transatlantic reach, but I understand why you want to be careful.”

“Well, I appreciate it.” They reached the deserted stone quay.

Lights bobbed on the water where boats were moored and the glow of the Waterside lit the sky to one side, but out to sea, it was inky black.

There was no sign of Christy. Shiv was torn between not wanting the evening to end and desperation to escape the icy wind tearing through the fabric of her coat.

She should’ve worn the coat Joey gave her, but it felt a little too outdoor wear for a dinner date.

She looked down at her threadbare jacket.

Like this was any smarter. She couldn’t suppress the shudder that ran through her.

“If you insist on keeping me company, at least let me keep you warm.” Con opened her coat with her pocketed hands and enfolded Shiv within it. She stiffened for a moment, but then allowed herself to relax into Con’s soft warmth.

She tipped her head to look up, just as Con tilted hers down.

Their lips almost brushed, but neither of them moved away.

Shiv’s body filled with a heat that had nothing to do with the wool that enveloped her.

She moved a fraction and placed her lips on Con’s.

For a moment, there was no reaction. Then Con’s warm mouth opened to let her in. She tasted of wine and safety.

Shiv twisted in her arms and reached with one hand to pull Con closer. She ran her fingers up through the short hair on Con’s neck until she could grasp the longer curls.

Con groaned into her mouth, and she explored her with her tongue.

Everything else faded as her entire body reacted to the sensations.

She pushed her body into Con’s, propelling her back against the cold sea wall, wishing there was somewhere nearby where she could show her exactly how much she wanted her.

When Con pulled away, Shiv gasped, her head swirling with sensations. She had no idea how long their kiss had lasted. It could have been seconds or an hour, she had been so in the emotion of it.

Con released her suddenly, and the cold wind hit her, driving out the heat in a second.

“I’m sorry.” She stood back, wondering what had changed so quickly.

“I don’t think… ” Con ran a hand over her face. “It’s not… ” She sucked in a breath.

Reality hit Shiv like a bucket of cold water. Of course, Con didn’t want this. Not with a skinny little ex-con who couldn’t even afford a proper coat. White light washed over the rough stones of the quay, and she spun to see car headlights moving closer.

“There’s Christy for you now. Catch you later.” Shiv took off at a jog without turning to see Con’s face. She didn’t want to see the regret, or worse, revulsion, when Con realized what she’d done.

She ran the whole way back to the cottage, her head-torch lighting the way on front of her on the rocky ground. She moved too fast to be completely safe but somehow, she reached the door in one piece, breathless and trying to hold back the sobs.

This was what happened when she let herself get soft. Tomorrow, she’d start again, putting all her energy into fascist hunting and getting stronger. She’d wasted too much energy on fancy meals with smartly dressed doctors.

But later, as she lay in bed shivering after an enforced cold shower, she couldn’t stop her thoughts drifting back to the feel of Con’s soft mouth, or the noise she made when Shiv tangled her fingers in her hair.

She forced herself to replay the sight of her covering her face to hide the disgust at what she’d done.

Then she turned over and punched the pillow, tears falling until she ran out of energy.