Page 22 of Harbor Lights (Inishderry Island Romances #3)

FOURTEEN

Shiv splashed water from the sink and glared at the pale face that stared back accusingly from the mirror.

Stop making such a big thing of it. She needed to rid herself of this terror of eating in public.

Anxiety wasn’t something she experienced often, but she hated the way it made her feel small and hopeless.

So, she would handle it the way she handled most things.

Facing it down until it backed the fuck off.

She really wanted to relax and enjoy this evening with Con, and she refused to let herself sabotage it.

She rubbed her face dry, straightened her shoulders, and walked back out into the busy restaurant.

She reminded herself this bustle was so different from the noisy chaos of the prison chow hall she had found so hard to cope with.

It was more like the communal meals she’d experienced as a child and a teenager, around people who cared about each other and enjoyed the chance to sit together and eat.

These island people had turned out tonight to support the hotel because they wanted to.

And Con had allayed her concern about being filmed without her needing to say anything. She was grateful. Things had gone quiet with the Iron Sons, but she was still worried they were looking for her. Best to stay offline as long as she could.

Con’s eyes, below a furrowed brow, followed her as she approached. She sat and forced a smile. “Are we trying this tasting menu, then?”

Con’s shoulders visibly loosened. “I’d love to. Do you want to see the vegetarian option?” She held out the menu.

Shiv glanced down. “If it’s vegetarian, it's good for me. Let’s order.”

She hoped it didn't sound like she was rushing, but a part of her still wanted to run for the door.

Con nodded to one of the wait staff and she approached. Shiv let Con order and turned down a drink when Con ordered red wine. “Water’s good for me, thanks.”

The server left with their orders.

“Do you not drink at all?” Con rested her arms on the tabletop.

Her sleeves were folded neatly to midway up her forearms. Her hands were worn in the way of someone who washed them a lot, and her nails were short, but neatly cut.

She wore a single ring on the little finger of her right hand.

It appeared to be a crest or coat of arms.

Shiv looked at her own hands clasped together in front of her. Her nails were broken and chewed, but at least she’d managed to scrub them clean of paint.

The clearing of Con’s throat reminded her she’d been asked a question.

“Rarely. I don’t see the point.” She didn’t have any other answer.

“What about when you were younger? Did you drink then?” Con’s gaze didn’t leave her face, so Shiv made herself maintain eye contact.

“A little. But I didn’t ever enjoy losing my grip on reality. I didn’t stop drinking. I never really started.”

Con sighed. “One of the things I love most is to pour a glass of malt whiskey and sit watching the sun go down from my study. Or even better, on a summer’s evening in the garden.”

“That sounds relaxing. Maybe I’ll join you someday and see if it lives up to the publicity.”

Con’s eyes opened wide. “Are you thinking of sticking around?” She adopted a more neutral expression, but a shiver of something slid up Shiv’s body at the hint of hope in her tone.

“It’s unlikely. I’ll be homeless in a few months, and I don’t ever stay in one place for long.” She was disappointed at her own response. Wasn’t that what she wanted?

“You haven’t made plans yet, though?”

“Nah. I probably should’ve by now, but this place makes you feel detached from the big, bad world.”

That was certainly true. She hadn’t felt the restlessness she usually experienced when she stayed in one place.

“It’ll be Christmas soon, and then we’ll be into a new year. That’ll be the time to think about moving on. And the impending homelessness will be a big motivator.” She laughed, but her stomach knotted at the thought of leaving the cabin on the cliffs.

Con smiled tightly. “We’ll have to make the most of you while we have you, then.”

They were disturbed by the server arriving with their first course: tuna sashimi for Con, and a tomato dish with fresh basil that made Shiv’s mouth water. She picked at it, savoring the flavors that reminded her of summer. But where would summer take her this year?

Con nibbled at her sushi. “This is amazing.”

“Eat up! Only five more courses to go!” Shiv smiled, hoping to convey she was enjoying the evening.

They focused on their food for a couple more courses, and Shiv discovered she liked quail eggs, even if she was unsure what a quail looked like.

She was about to ask Con when Marianne appeared from nowhere, all well-starched kitchen whites and bustle.

She put a hand on Con’s shoulder to stop her getting up.

Shiv was relieved it wasn’t her shoulder, but her cheeks heated anyway.

“I don’t want to disturb your meal, just wanted to say hi.” She pulled a chair from a nearby table and straddled it, not helping the warmth in Shiv’s face. “Are you enjoying the food?”

Shiv nodded mutely, even though she had nothing currently in her mouth.

Con swallowed and wiped her mouth on a napkin. “We are. It’s all delicious. You’ve done a great job.”

“It’s mainly Colette. I’m just here to swan around and make videos.” She left up a long-fingered hand. “Don’t worry, I’ve been told to stay away from this corner.”

“Sorry,” Shiv mumbled.

Marianne pushed herself up. “No bother. There’s plenty of locals desperate to get their fifteen seconds of fame.”

“Isn’t that fifteen minutes?” Con had another forkful ready and was clearly waiting out of politeness before cramming it in her mouth.

“Not on TikTok, honey.” Marianne leaned in and took the food from Con’s fork. Con’s expression was priceless as she looked from the empty fork to Marianne, who was licking her lips.

“You’re right. I’m a great chef.” She swept away. “Perhaps catch you later for a nightcap.”

Chuckling, Con shook her head and reloaded her fork. “I really wasn’t sure about her to begin with. But she made Joey happy. Now I’ve got to know her, she’s great. Very straightforward.” She observed her food. “And surprisingly cheeky.”

She glanced at Shiv and smiled.

“She gets you a little hot under the collar, doesn’t she? Is she your type?”

The question was asked lightheartedly but Shiv wondered if she imagined an undertone of wistfulness. “She’s just very… I don’t have a type. Proximity was always my main selection method.”

Shit, that sounded sleazy as hell. Con blinked, but her expression remained blank.

“I mean, when I was on the road, I usually just hooked—got together—with other folks who were around.”

That wasn’t any better. Shiv rubbed her face. Maybe she wasn’t cut out to have nice meals with doctors and make civilized conversation.

Con’s lips spread in a gentle smile. “You’ve had such a different life from me. Did you ever have a serious relationship?”

Shiv picked at her food. “Not really. There was a girl when I was nineteen. I thought it was serious. She didn’t. I never tried again.” She needed to turn this conversation around. “How about you? How long were you with your ex?”

Con’s smile disappeared. “A long time.”

Shiv regretted asking now, but it should be Con’s choice to move the conversation on if she didn’t want to talk about it. She tore some bread from a roll and chewed on it, not taking her eyes from Con’s face, watching the emotions ripple across it.

Con rolled her neck. “We met in her first year at college. I’d already been there a couple of years and had some more to go. She was studying literature. I thought she was very sophisticated.”

“But you were a medical student. That’s a pretty important vocation.”

“Yeah, but I was there to study, to get the qualifications I needed to pursue my career. Majella was there to experience student life. She was involved in everything, and when there weren’t classes to go to, she sat discussing ideas with her friends until the early hours. I thought she was so cool.”

“How did you know she liked you?”

Con didn’t answer immediately as their next course was delivered, and she poured more wine. She selected a piece of fish. “Mmm. So good.”

Shiv tasted her own dish as she waited.

After a couple more bites, Con twirled her fork. “She made it very obvious, while also expecting me to do all the asking.”

“Like a proper butch should.” Shiv grinned, imagining a teenage Con navigating university life.

“I… didn’t really understand some of the dynamics to begin with.

I’d always just been me, and the way I presented was what felt right to me.

I didn’t have a name for it. But Majella introduced me to this whole community of butches and femmes, and suddenly I wasn’t a solitary freak.

It was as though I’d found my place, so I leaned into it. ”

When Con picked up more fish, Shiv took the opportunity to tuck into the eggplant dish. The flavors were divine.

“How long were you together?”

“Nearly twenty-five years.”

Shiv tried to stop the shock reaching her face.

Con’s smile held no humor. “I know. Like I said, a long time.”

No wonder her life was still intertwined with this woman. “It must’ve been hard after so long together. Was it a mutual decision?”

Con barked a humorless laugh. “No, it was not. Audrey was a visiting professor at the university. Majella swore nothing went on before we split, but when Audrey returned to England, Majella went with her. She said it was difficult for her, too, but she didn’t look too fucking sad.”

Con blinked and Shiv felt her chest tighten in empathy.

“Sorry. I convince myself I got over it years ago, but there are some unresolved issues. You don’t need to hear this nonsense.” She started to eat again.

“I’m interested.”

“In my sad romantic history?” Con was focusing on her food now.