Page 54 of Give Me a Reason

Frederick dropped his head on the sofa and threw his arm over his eyes.

Spending his off day alone at home might not have been the best idea in his current state.

He sat up with a frustrated groan and picked up his phone for the one hundred…

thousand and first time this week. And for the one hundred thousand and first time, he put it down again.

The problem with texting Anne was that he had no idea how to say what he needed to say. Maybe the bigger problem was he still didn’t know what to say. At least, not all of it.

Hi, Anne. I don’t regret sleeping with you. That just sounded insulting. Hi, Anne. That night meant something to me. That was a little better, but if she asked what that something was, he wouldn’t know what to tell her.

And he was a big fucking liar. He buried his head in his hands with a frustrated groan. His anger, resentment, and pride had blinded him, but he couldn’t ignore the truth any longer. He wanted to be with Anne. He would die to be with her. Why couldn’t he tell her that? Just like that?

Because she would think he had completely and utterly lost his mind.

Right? No, that wasn’t the real reason for his reluctance either.

He was terrified his love would go unrequited.

Love? He shook his head so hard that his teeth clacked.

But if not love, then what? He had no other answer except that he was too afraid to look closely at the L word.

All Frederick knew was if he took this step to be with her, he would be putting his heart on the line.

He’d done it once when he had no idea what he was getting into.

He’d thought their forever was guaranteed—that his heart was safe in her hands.

But he knew better this time. This time, if she said no, his broken heart would never heal.

He wouldn’t recover from losing her a second time.

So what? Was he just going to sit on his couch and pine after Anne for the rest of his life? Was this yawning hunger—this bone-deep loneliness—better than a broken heart? Did he really want to live the rest of his life without her?

When his phone dinged, he nearly flipped over the coffee table in his rush to grab it. Then he checked the screen and sighed. Of course it wasn’t Anne. His brain had already known that, but his heart plummeted regardless. That was because his heart had the intelligence of a goldfish.

Pete: Hey, did you hear?

Frederick sighed and typed out his reply. Hear what? You crying like a baby over that K-drama you’ve rewatched ninety-nine times? Are you at the part where he gets taken back to North Korea?

Pete: First, this news is so juicy I’ll forgo FaceTiming you to flip you off. Second, I’m going to find the nanny cam you planted in my living room.

Frederick sighed even more ponderously and slumped back on the sofa, his thumbs moving over his screen. Fine. I’ll bite. What’s the juicy news?

Pete: Are you sitting down?

Frederick: For fuck’s sake!!!

The extra exclamation marks were warranted. His best friend was irritating as hell.

Pete: Okay, okay. Geez, I’ll tell you. You’re so impatient. Are you that curious?

Frederick was ready to throw his cell phone across the living room. He’d been close to doing that even before Pete texted him.

Pete: Anne got the leading role in a Jane Austen adaptation!!!

He blinked. And he blinked again. He couldn’t decide whether those exclamation marks were warranted without further explanation.

Frederick: Explain.

Pete: You know that production company A2D? They are hot as hell right now.

Pete: Anyway, they cast her for the role of Elizabeth Bennet in their adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. Our girl is going to Hollywood, baby!

Frederick swiped a hand down his face. She’d always been too good for him, but this put her in a different stratosphere. He planted his elbow on his thigh and cradled his forehead in his hand. Don’t be a selfish bastard, Nam. This wasn’t about him.

Anne chose this for herself—the role she’d been waiting for—and he was so fucking proud of her. She wanted to act in Hollywood on her own terms, and she was damn well doing it. He wouldn’t let his insecurities make him intimidated by her success when he never doubted she would.

If he allowed her brilliance to dissuade him from pursuing her, then that would make him a bigger coward than he already was. It wasn’t even a decent excuse. Being with Anne had always made him a better version of himself. With her by his side, he had no choice but to become worthy of her.

Pete: Hey, you still there?

Frederick: Yeah, I’m here.

Frederick: I was just trying to figure out everything wrong with your last sentence. In what alternate universe is Anne Lee “our girl”?

Pete: Anne is my friend, and Katie assures me that she is MORE THAN your friend.

He only wished Katie were right. He’d convinced himself that night in Bosque Verde was just pity sex. Anne was so kind that she couldn’t bear to see him suffer. He knew it hadn’t been an odious task for her. The attraction was obviously there. She certainly didn’t fake those orgasms.

But it might not have meant anything to her other than comforting a friend. He sure as hell hoped she didn’t comfort her other friends that way… God, what the fuck was wrong with him? Scared, insecure, and jealous was not a good look for him.

Frederick glanced at the clock on the living room wall.

It was far too early for a drink. He needed to get out of here.

He needed to go see Anne, if only to apologize for being an asshole after making love to her.

She needed to know it was him, not her. Not in a self-serving way but truly . It was all him.

He freaked out because he was overwhelmed by his frantic need to hold on to her and to never let her go.

He was terrified he might lose her no matter how hard he held on.

It made him want to run away from her, which made zero sense since he wanted nothing more than to be close to her. See? It was all him.

He had to go see Anne. He had to explain all the messy details of how much he wanted her. He had to tell her he wanted her more than anything. But he was still terrified as fuck, so he needed to take Mommy and Daddy with him for emotional support.

Frederick: Do you and Katie want to take Anne out with me to celebrate her amazing accomplishment?

Pete: Katie’s texting her right now. Stand by.

Frederick literally stood by, holding his phone, as he waited for his friend’s update.

Pete: We’re on for lunch tomorrow. She said she’ll come out to Culver City.

Pete: The ladies will decide the time and the restaurant. I’ll keep you posted.

Frederick could hear his blood pounding in his ears.

He couldn’t say what he had to say in front of Pete and Katie, but he hoped he’d be able to get Anne alone after lunch.

He was glad he’d waited to speak with her in person.

Texting her, or even talking to her on the phone, about what happened in Bosque Verde—what it meant to him and what he hoped it meant for them —hadn’t felt right.

He hoped his radio silence hadn’t upset her. After all, if she’d wanted to reach out to him, she could’ve texted him just as easily. The thought had him pacing the living room in frantic circles.

Why hadn’t she texted him? Did she not want to talk to him? Did she want to pretend nothing had happened between them? Or did she actually think being thoroughly ravished by him was nothing ?

There was only one answer. Frederick was a catastrophic mess. He needed to get a grip and figure out a way to salvage whatever he had with Anne. And he sure as hell hoped it wasn’t friendship.

On average, there were two-hundred-eighty-four sunny days in Los Angeles per year.

And this bright late-winter day was the most beautiful sunny day Frederick had ever seen.

It might have something to do with the fact that the most beautiful woman he had ever seen sat at their table right next to him, with sunlight shining down on her through the window.

“Have you been to this restaurant before?” Frederick leaned closer to Anne than strictly necessary.

“No…” Her eyes met his for an electric second before she looked down at her lap, fussing with her black cloth napkin.

“But Katie said she heard great things about it. And I have to confess, I read about a hundred Yelp reviews and memorized their menu. This place seems fantastic. Do you like Indian food?”

“I love Indian food.” He nodded enthusiastically, thrilled to be talking about Indian food with Anne. To be honest, he was thrilled to breathe the same air as she did—to exist beside her. “I also like the décor in here. Very chic.”

The restaurant had great ambience—a mix of industrial vibes with the whimsical.

His favorite part of the décor was the modern chandelier that hung from the ceiling in the center, like happy bubbles that children blew out of their plastic wands on hot summer days.

But everything paled in comparison to Anne.

Once she’d walked in through the door, he hadn’t been able to look away from her.

Across the table, Pete and Katie exchanged a knowing smile before resuming their perusal of the menu. Frederick couldn’t bring himself to feel self-conscious. Under the table, he scooted his foot as close to Anne’s as possible without actually stepping on her toes. Anything to be closer to her.

“I could eat half of this menu by myself.” Katie sighed happily. “Thank God the morning sickness is gone.”

“I’m so glad you’re feeling better.” Anne reached over to squeeze Katie’s hand. Frederick felt a stab of envy, his own hand cold and lonely. “Order half of the menu if that’s what you want. It’ll be my treat.”

“What?” Pete protested. “ We invited you out to celebrate.”

“In Korea, the person with the reason to celebrate treats everyone.” Anne shrugged as though she’d won the argument.