Page 2 of Give Me a Reason

Frederick nodded at something Bethany said, his head bent solicitously toward her. Anne narrowed her eyes as indignation rose inside her. Even though she wasn’t still in love with him, she hadn’t forgotten him either. But it looked as though Frederick didn’t have the same trouble.

A decade ago, Auntie Sharon, Bethany’s mom, had convinced Anne that Frederick didn’t love her as much as she loved him. And in her darkest moments, Anne hated her a little, even though her aunt had been her anchor ever since her mom died seventeen years ago.

Had Auntie Sharon been right all along? Anne clenched her hands into fists on her lap as hot tears sprung to her eyes. Maybe she had been a teenage infatuation for Frederick and their breakup had only been a minor setback in his otherwise thriving life.

But her flare of indignation sputtered out before it fully took form, because she didn’t really believe that. They’d both been very young, but their love had been real. So real that no other relationship had ever come close to it. At least for Anne.

What in the world was he doing here anyway? Was Bethany dating Frederick? Her stomach dipped, and a wave of dizziness made her grip the sides of her seat. He murmured something to her cousin, and she giggled behind her hand.

Anne bit her lip as something hot and ugly slithered through her. She couldn’t deny the jealousy clawing her insides raw. She knew Frederick wasn’t hers to be jealous over, but her teeth kept digging into her bottom lip until the tang of iron spread across her tongue.

“Waterfall,” Bethany called out, stepping away from Frederick to walk back to the mat. Then she fluttered her fingers from the top of her head, down to her waist. “Shh.”

“Shh,” the children repeated, wiggling their fingers like a waterfall.

“Let me introduce today’s morning guest, Captain Nam.” She sounded slightly breathless as she wrangled her students back to order. “He is a fire captain with the Culver City Fire Department. And he’s here to tell us about his amazing job and what firefighters do.”

Anne’s startled gaze shot to her cousin.

She was supposed to be the morning guest. When their eyes met, Bethany ducked her head with a little cringe and held up a timid pointer finger in the universal sign for wait .

Anne gave her a swift nod. She had no choice but to sit through the blow of seeing Frederick with nothing to distract her.

Even though she felt hot and cold all at once, her gaze kept drifting toward Frederick. He waited patiently until Bethany finished introducing him, his eyes never so much as flickering toward Anne, then went to stand in front of the children.

So he became a firefighter. He would’ve been amazing at whatever he chose to be, but being a firefighter—a captain—suited him.

Rather, it would’ve suited the boy she’d once loved.

For all she knew, he might be a different person altogether.

She had no way of knowing. But did she want to find out? Would she ever get the chance?

“I hope I don’t put you to sleep,” he said with a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of his head. “Does anyone think firefighting is boring?”

“No,” the second graders said in unison before pandemonium broke loose.

“Firefighting is the coolest job ever.”

“I want to be a firefighter when I grow up.”

“Firefighters are heroes .”

“I want to drive a fire truck,” a little boy piped up, then proceeded to mimic a siren at the top of his lungs.

He continued screeching happily as his classmates clapped their hands over their ears.

But when Frederick stretched his fist out to him, the boy fell silent to reverently bump his own against it.

“You guys are firefighting fans?” Frederick’s eyes crinkled as his smile widened, and Anne couldn’t stop an answering smile from tugging at her lips.

He knew exactly how the kids would respond.

Now they were fidgeting with eagerness to hear him talk and to show him how much they loved firefighters. “Wow, how lucky am I?”

One child squirmed in her spot on the mat like she needed to use the restroom before her question tumbled out of her. “How come you’re not wearing your uniform?”

“Oops. Give me one second.” He rushed to the side table by the door and returned to his captive audience, pulling on his weathered firefighter helmet. “There.”

Anne’s heart lurched when she noticed the scorch marks on it. He’d been that close to fire. He could’ve been hurt. She closed her eyes against a wave of fear. What did she think he did? Rescue kittens all day? She exhaled through her nose and opened her eyes again.

“Before you ask why I’m only wearing this…

” Frederick tapped a finger on his hat. “Did you know that a firefighter’s uniform weighs at least forty-five pounds?

Uh-huh. It’s true. And with some basic gear, it can easily weigh seventy-five pounds.

I wanted to spend my energy speaking with you guys rather than being weighed down by my equipment.

It would be like carrying one of you on my back for the entire talk. ”

The children dissolved into giggles. The vibrant, joyous sound she had loved moments ago took on a dissonant edge as she struggled with her wildly flailing emotions.

But Bethany took advantage of her students’ distraction and caught Anne’s eyes with an apologetic cringe, then pointed her chin toward the door in the front of class.

Wondering if her legs would bear her weight, Anne nodded her assent and rose to her feet.

When she felt fairly confident she wouldn’t collapse on the floor, she slipped out through the back door onto the walkway facing the blacktop.

Her cousin came toward her under the awning that shaded the long single-story building.

Anne met her at the halfway point between the front and back doors and crossed her arms tightly over her chest to quiet her pounding heart.

She still couldn’t grasp the fact that Frederick was on the other side of the wall, charming a roomful of second graders.

It took all of her acting skills to present a semblance of calm.

“What’s going on?” She hoped her cousin wouldn’t notice the tremor in her voice. “I thought I was supposed to be the morning guest.”

This wasn’t how she’d imagined seeing Frederick again.

She actually hadn’t allowed herself to imagine anything at all.

Thinking about him only brought to the surface the longing that churned ceaselessly beneath the facade of serenity she wove over herself.

Even now, she had to fight against the memories threatening to breach her defensive walls.

Remembering how happy they had been together would only make her yearn for a future she couldn’t have.

What if… If only… Her nails bit into her palms as she fought back tears. She was overreacting. She and Frederick were ancient history. She knew that, didn’t she? She took a slow, calming breath.

“Captain Nam was supposed to come this afternoon, but there was an unexpected schedule change at the station and…” Her cousin crinkled her nose. “I guess I offered him your spot? I honestly don’t even know how it happened. It’s like he hypnotized me. I’m so sorry, Unni.”

Anne arched her eyebrow with a delicate snort. Bethany only called her “big sister” when she wanted to butter her up. Unfortunately, it worked—especially since her cousin referred to Frederick as Captain Nam . If the two of them had been dating, she would’ve referred to him by his first name.

Thank God.

Mortification cut her relief short. Why should that matter to her?

Well, anyone would have found it awkward to have their cousin date their ex-boyfriend.

Especially since no one but Auntie Sharon knew about Anne and Frederick—about their love, about their heartbreak—because Anne had been away at college when she met him.

And she’d never told her father and sisters about Frederick, because they weren’t all that interested in her life as long as it didn’t affect theirs.

Awkwardness aside, Anne wouldn’t have been able to bear the irony if her aunt had convinced her to leave Frederick all those years ago only to have her own daughter date him a decade later.

Would Auntie Sharon deem Captain Frederick Nam unworthy of Bethany as well?

Or would his title assuage her aunt’s prejudices?

Anne shook herself out of her bitter thoughts. She shouldn’t overthink it. She had good reason to be relieved her cousin wasn’t dating her ex. It had nothing to do with the ludicrous flashes of jealousy she’d felt earlier.

“It’ll be worth the wait, Unni. We’ll have a nice lunch delivered and enjoy a picnic in my classroom. We can finally catch up without my sister and my parents clamoring for your attention.” Bethany reached for her hand. “You can give your talk right after lunch. Say you’ll stay. Please?”

“Okay.” She squeezed her cousin’s hand—saying no wasn’t one of Anne’s strong suits, and it would be nice spending more time with Bethany. “I’ll stay.”

Besides, it wasn’t as though she had anything else planned for the day.

She actually didn’t have any plans for the foreseeable future.

She’d been back in the US for a couple of months now, but all she’d managed to do was move into her condo, where she’d been hiding out like a hermit.

Soon, she needed to figure out what she wanted out of life before another ten years passed by.

Soon, but not yet.