Page 30 of Give Me a Reason

Frederick sat on the floor with his head tipped back against the wall, his glass of whiskey forgotten in his hand.

“I’m so sorry, Frederick.” Tears flowed down Anne’s pale cheeks.

“What’s wrong? What do you have to be sorry about?” He rushed toward her, cupping her shoulder with one hand while wiping her tears away with the other. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. I forgive you. Whatever it is you think you did, I forgive you. Okay? Just please. Please don’t cry, Anne.”

She cried harder, and he pulled her into his arms. She clung to him and sobbed. “I’m so sorry.”

“No.” A faint tremor started in his chest and spread through his body. “Stop saying that.”

“I have to go to Korea.” She stepped back from him, and his arms fell limply to his sides. She wrung her hands as words poured out of her. “My aunt told me to audition for this role in a Korean miniseries. The director wanted someone fluent in English, so she thought I’d be perfect for the role.”

“What…” Frederick stopped to take a calming breath. “What are you talking about? What do you mean you have to go to Korea?”

“I got the part. In the K-drama.” She sounded unsure, which wasn’t like her. She might be soft-spoken, but Anne knew her own mind. “It’s not the leading role, but Imo thinks it’ll help launch my acting career in Korea.”

“You’re going to Korea ?” he shouted, more from panic than anger. “To be an actress ? What the hell?”

Anne tipped her chin up, even as her bottom lip wobbled. Damn it. He didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. He was just so confused. He didn’t understand what was happening.

“You’re minoring in theater for fun,” he reminded her in a softer tone.

“I know what I told you.” Her voice broke, and fresh tears filled her eyes. “But I have to go to Korea—”

“Why do you keep saying that?” He raked a hand through his hair. “Why do you have to do anything?”

“Imo said… No, it doesn’t matter what she said.” Anne closed her eyes, clenching her fists. “I have to do this.”

“Okay, Anne. I don’t understand what’s going on, but that’s okay. There’s no rush. You can explain everything to me once we’ve both calmed down.” Frederick stepped closer to her. “And if you have to go to Korea, I’ll come with you. Everything will be fine as long as we’re together.”

Her eyes flew open, and something wild sparked in them. She reached out and gripped his forearm. “You can’t drop out of college.”

“Yes, I can.” He huffed a nervous laugh. Her fingers felt like ice, so he covered them with his hand. “You know I’ll do anything for you.”

“There’s nothing for you in Korea.” She clung tighter to his arm. “You don’t even have any relatives there.”

“You’ll be there,” he said simply. “That’s all I need. You’re all I need.”

“But… No. ” She tugged her hand free and turned her back to him. “You can’t come. I need to… to focus on my career. You’ll only be a distraction.”

Fear choked him by the throat. “Anne.”

“You can’t throw away your future for this…

relationship.” She spoke without inflection, like she was reciting someone else’s words.

“We’ve only been dating for a few months.

And you and I are both so young. Who knows if this is meant to last?

What if you came to Korea and we broke up?

In a month? In a year? Where would that leave you? ”

“Do you hear what you’re saying? This isn’t you.

” He walked around her so she would have to look at him.

“Yes, we’re young, but that doesn’t make our love any less real.

I love you, Anne. So much so that it frightens me sometimes.

But it also makes me happier than I’ve ever been.

You know this is it for me, don’t you? You’re it for me. ”

“You can’t know that. You’re only nineteen .” She held out her hands as though she were imploring him to understand.

“Is that what your imo said?” he demanded. “Did she tell you I don’t know my own heart because I’m nineteen? What the hell does she know? She doesn’t know me.”

“She… she knows that you haven’t even decided on a major,” Anne stuttered, defending her aunt. “She thinks you’re… you’re na?ve if you think you can go pro.”

“Going pro was never the plan. Basketball was about getting my foot in the door. To get a full ride to San Diego State. You know that already.” He narrowed his eyes.

“That can’t be all. What else did you tell her about me?

Does she think I’m not smart enough for you because I go to a Cal State and not a fancy UC like you?

Did…” He stopped and searched her face. “Did you tell her I was an orphan? Is that why she thinks I’m not good enough for you? ”

Her stricken silence was his answer.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” His face twisted into a sneer. “She thinks I’m a dumb jock and a penniless orphan without a future ahead of me. Is that what you believe, too? Is that how she persuaded you to leave me?”

“No. No, Frederick. I… I’m sorry, but…” She took a step back, then another. “I have to leave. And you have to stay. It’s for the best.”

“For whose best?” he yelled at her back as she walked away from him. From them .

“Live your life, Frederick,” she said without turning around, her hand already on the doorknob. “Your beautiful, promising life.”

“What life?” His voice broke. “ You are my life.”

“Goodbye…” A sob choked her words.

“Don’t do this, Anne. Please don’t do this,” he pleaded… but she was already gone.

“Fuck.” Frederick blinked awake from the memory and tossed back a swig of whiskey. His eyes were wet, and he dried them with a rough swipe of his hand. “Fuck.”

He had understood what Anne refused to spell out for him. And he’d known exactly why someone like her aunt wouldn’t approve of someone like him—why the woman persuaded her perfect niece to leave him.

Frederick had lost his parents when he was young, and his older sister had raised him.

It meant he’d had to work odd jobs all through high school, struggling to keep his grades up.

And even in college, he’d been juggling basketball, classes, and a part-time job when he met Anne.

He’d never minded how difficult life sometimes felt, because he had a bright future ahead of him—a future that Anne would’ve been proud to share with him. Or so he’d thought.

Although he’d known Anne came from a wealthy family, he’d na?vely believed that it didn’t matter.

But in the end, that was all that had mattered.

Her aunt didn’t think someone like him belonged with someone like her niece.

And Anne had agreed. At the very least, she didn’t have the conviction to fight for him. To fight for their love.

It took him years of therapy—and frankly, growing up—to realize that it had been for the best. If their love had been something she could so easily be persuaded to toss aside, then it never would have lasted anyway. He had accepted that. Then why had he sought Anne out tonight?

His attempts to ignore her were exhausting, not to mention impossible. And it was Christmas. He didn’t want everything to be so hard for once. Besides, staying away from her was a losing battle, especially after she’d held him together the other night.

So he decided not to fight it. He let himself drift to her side. It was so easy, so natural. Her nearness had always called to him. Come closer. Come closer still. He’d merely heeded that siren call tonight. At what cost, though? Had he shattered his hard-won peace by drifting too close?

Was that why he was such a wreck right now?

Did the phantom pain of her rejection hurt like fuck because he’d allowed himself to want her?

Wanting her meant giving her the power to hurt him again.

He would be inviting history to repeat itself.

It would break him, but he was tempted. Even after tonight’s shit show, he was so tempted.

Frederick had pushed off the floor to refill his drink when he heard a knock.

His blood pounded in his ears as his legs carried him to the front door even before he made a conscious decision to do so.

Was it premonition or hope? Either way, he knew who would be standing on the other side.

He pulled on the door with enough force to fling it wide open.

Anne stood within arm’s reach, eyes wide and lips parted. He had never seen anything more beautiful in his entire life. Reason blinked out of existence as panic seized him. He would not let her leave. Not this time.

“Frederick—”

Before his mind could catch up with his intent, he reached out and tugged her inside, harder than he’d meant. With a gasp, she stumbled into him, her hands clutching at his chest for balance. He instinctively tightened his arms around her, even as he shouldered the door shut.

Darkness surrounded them like a cloak, enveloping them in a cocoon outside of time.

There was no past. There was no future. Only Anne.

She was in his arms, her shoulders rising and falling in rhythm with his breathing.

She fit so perfectly against him with her head tucked underneath his chin.

It was as though his body had carved out a place for her, waiting for her to come back to him. To come back home.

The night fell eerily quiet, and he welcomed the silence.

He didn’t move a muscle—just breathed in her sweet scent and basked in her warmth.

He didn’t even want to consider the possibility of this moment ending.

She stayed silent and still in his embrace like she didn’t want it to end either.

The sharp ache of emptiness finally loosened its hold on him after clawing into his heart ten years ago. He released a long, slow breath.

“Frederick.”