Page 28 of Give Me a Reason

Ten years ago, Anne had been the one to turn her back on Frederick.

She’d been the one to walk out of his apartment, shutting the door resolutely behind her—foolishly certain that she was doing what was best for them both.

Na?ve enough to believe that her aunt, someone older and wiser, knew better than what her own heart was screaming at her.

But tonight, she was the one who watched his face turn to stone—the one who watched him walk away without a backward glance.

As she sat on the piano bench, her blood pounding deafeningly in her ears, all she could see was him leaving her.

Every line of his body—his straight back, his tense shoulders—telling her this was the end.

She told herself there had been nothing left to end, but she felt it nonetheless, the devastation of loss.

She finally understood what Frederick saw when he looked at her.

She understood his anger. Because he would always see her walking away from him.

Anne had been too terrifyingly happy to wonder what it meant for Frederick to smile at her again, to touch her again.

Now that she had lost it, she knew exactly what it had meant.

Warmth. In the cold, barren landscape of her broken heart, his smile and his touch had been warmth that could have been nurtured into something precious.

But she had ruined everything. Choked with fear, she forgot every one of her acting skills and gave away the secret herself.

When Frederick realized who her aunt was, whatever part of him had thawed toward Anne had frozen solid again.

He had looked at her with something bordering on horror, like she had betrayed him in the worst kind of way.

She gasped as realization dawned on her.

The lingering hurt she’d sensed beneath his anger hadn’t been only about her breaking up with him.

He’d been carrying around the wound of her aunt’s disapproval—of how a stranger had written him off as unworthy.

She should have grabbed his hand and taken him far away from this house while she had the chance.

Suddenly, Anne was so furious that she couldn’t see straight. She pushed away from the piano, the bench groaning against the hardwood floors, and ran out of the living room. Then she bounded up the stairs and burst into Coraline’s room, her chest heaving from an onslaught of emotions.

The room hadn’t changed much since their childhood.

Happy memories of lazy days spent listening to music and sharing secrets with her cousin warred with the hopelessness that threatened to engulf her.

She sank onto the edge of her cousin’s bed and tried to catch her breath, but her anger refused to calm.

“Anne, is everything all right?” Her aunt sat down on the bed beside her and took hold of her hand. Her expression morphing from concern to shock, she grabbed her other hand as well. “Your fingers feel like ice. What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I am not okay.” Anne shot to her feet, ripping her hands away from her aunt, and stormed to the opposite end of the room. “You want to know what’s going on? Do you even realize who that man was?”

“What man, my dear?” Her aunt made to stand from her perch on the bed.

“No. Stay there.” Anne held up her palm. “I can’t have you near me right now.”

The blood drained from her aunt’s face. “Anne?”

“ Captain Nam. He’s Frederick. My Frederick.” Her voice rose and broke. “He’s the man you convinced me to leave all those years ago.”

“Oh, sweetie. I had no idea.” Her aunt shook her head. “But that was ten years ago. I’m sorry if things were awkward, but you two must have moved on ages ago. I don’t understand why you’re so angry.”

“Moved on?” With a shrill laugh, the truth escaped from Anne’s trembling lips. “I love him. I will always love him. Don’t you see? You convinced me to give up my very heart.”

Anne crumpled to the floor and buried her face in her hands. She loved him. She had pretended what she felt was regret for the past and hope for a new beginning. But it was love. It had always been love. Frederick was her past, present, and future.

“I know it was my decision in the end. I’m the one who left him.” Anne pounded her fist on her chest. “But I was only twenty-one. I hardly knew my own mind.”

“Yes, you were only twenty-one. And he… he was nineteen . A… a teenager,” her aunt stuttered. “You two were still kids . I… I had no idea. I didn’t think you even understood what love was…”

“It. Was. Love. All-consuming and beautiful.” Anne raised her head and met her aunt’s eyes. “And I threw it away.”

“Because of me,” Auntie Sharon whispered. “Oh, Anne. I’m so sorry. I thought I was doing my duty. I thought I was doing what your mom would’ve done if she’d been alive. Have you been carrying this heartbreak inside you for all these years?”

“Yes.” Anne pressed her palm against her clammy forehead, then pushed away the irritating strands of hair clinging to it. “And I’ll carry it for the rest of my life.”

“Do you think he feels the same way?” Her aunt gingerly approached Anne, as if she were a wounded animal, and sat down across from her.

“No. Maybe.” A sob tore from her. “I don’t know. He was so cold when I ran into him for the first time a couple of months ago. But tonight, I thought maybe… Then he…”

“He realized I was the one who persuaded you to leave him,” her aunt said, finishing the sentence. “That’s why he left so abruptly.”

Anne could only nod, tears trailing down her cheeks.

“I’m so sorry. It breaks my heart to see you like this.” Auntie Sharon smoothed her hand down Anne’s hair. “But it’s been ten years, sweetie. Don’t you think you should move on? Letting go might be the only way for you to heal.”

“You might be right.” Her tears stopped falling, and her anger sputtered out.

She felt empty. When her aunt pulled her into a hug, Anne let her.

She was too exhausted to push her away. “But I don’t know if it’s possible.

All I know is that if I were given the same choice I had ten years ago, I would choose Frederick. I will always choose him.”

Her aunt’s arms dropped away from her. “Anne, I…”

“It’s okay, Imo.” She rose to her feet, her legs unsteady. “I’m tired. I’m going to head home.”

“Yes, of course. You should go rest.” Auntie Sharon still looked stricken, but Anne didn’t have the bandwidth to console her. “Let me know you got home safe.”

“And, Imo?” She stopped at the door and looked back at her aunt. “Don’t tell anyone about Frederick and me. It’ll only make things worse… for all of us.”

Anne left her aunt sitting on the floor of Coraline’s room and stumbled down the stairs.

She stood numb and alone in the dim hallway, not knowing what to do next.

She wanted to run away from this awful night.

She wanted to sleep for a week. But then she had an even more horrifying realization.

What if Frederick thought she broke up with him because she agreed with her aunt?

She shook her head. No. She couldn’t let him think that for another moment. She had to talk to Frederick tonight. How? Joe would know where he lived.

But she couldn’t march into the living room and demand Frederick’s address from him. She would ask for Katie’s phone number instead. At least Katie knew their history, so there would be fewer questions.

Her father and Uncle Paul were on the couch, having a nightcap. And Joe, her cousins, and her sisters, even Juliette, were sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, drinking hot apple pie and laughing. Anne’s eyes unfocused for a moment. She felt as though she would never laugh again.

She clicked her tongue—she could feel sorry for herself later—and walked over to Joe. She didn’t want to bother him, especially with Coraline tucked into his side, but she needed to do this.

“Hey, Joe.” She crouched down behind him. She bit her lip when he dropped his arm from his fiancée and turned around to face her.

“Hey, Anne.” He offered her a warm smile that made her want to cry. God, she was a mess.

“Do you happen to have Katie’s phone number?” She attempted a nonchalant shrug when Coraline arched an eyebrow at her.

“Yes, ma’am,” Joe said. “Do you need it?”

“Uh-huh.” Anne cleared her throat. “I wanted to ask her out for coffee. She seemed so nice at Thanksgiving dinner.”

“Oh yeah. She’s the best.” Joe rattled off Katie’s number without hesitation.

“I hope she doesn’t mind…” Anne did want to have coffee with Katie sometime soon, so she tried not to feel too guilty.

“Nah, I’m sure she’d be happy to hear from you.”

“I hope so. Thanks, Joe.” Anne rose to her feet. “I’m heading home, guys. Merry Christmas.”

“Already?” Tessa stood with a frown and followed Anne.

“Yeah, I’m a little tired.” She walked to the front door, not meeting her sister’s eyes.

“It’s not even ten.” Tessa scrunched her mouth to the side, then shrugged. “Are you okay to drive? How many cups of hot apple pie did you drink?”

“None,” Anne said distractedly. “How about you?”

“I lost count.” Tessa grinned. “But don’t worry. I’m gonna crash at Appa’s house for the night.”

After a quick hug, Anne hurried to her car and dialed Katie’s number. It was so rude to call someone she barely knew on Christmas night, but this was an emergency. Something told her if she didn’t speak with Frederick tonight, he would be lost forever.

“Hello?” Katie sounded wary.

“Hi, Katie. This is Anne,” she said in a rush, worried the other woman might hang up. “I’m so sorry to bother you on Christmas. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Anne? Hey, you.” Katie laughed lightly, not at all put off by her out-of-the-blue call. “Sorry, I thought you were a spam caller. And no, you aren’t interrupting anything. Pete and I were about to hunker down to binge-watch some K-drama. What’s up?”

“I know this is random and weird. Feel free to say no—”