Page 19 of Free to Live

“Trust us when we say no, Joe, you’re better off with us.”

Taking a long drink from Phil’s coffee, the richness of it almost chokes me. “Phil likes his coffee like this?”

“Phil thinks he’s getting a super-skinny latte that only Ava can make magically delicious,” Jason explains.

“What he’s getting is a Freeman revenge,” Keene concludes.

I tip my head toward Jason and ask, “Have I groveled enough? Do I need to do anything else to show my abject remorse for the jackass way I behaved after Mary died?”

The air between us changes, cooling despite the sun warming the brisk March air. As I remember the days after Mary’s death and my offensive behavior, I cringe. “I deeply regret what I said, what Mary’s family tried to…” Jason steps forward and lays a hand on my shoulder.

“This is where it ends, Joe. Your guilt over emotions you were in no shape to control or contain. Right here, right now.” His fingers tighten briefly before letting me go.

I lost so much more than my future; I was stripped of my certainty of self. I was left with as many bruises as I’m sure covered Mary’s body. Possibly more. They just weren’t visible. By focusing on my daughter, I’ve fixed the worst of them. It may be possible I’ll never be ready to heal them all. I nod, even as I hold my silence.

“Don’t know what I’d do if we lost a member of the family,” Caleb mutters. My head swings toward him. “Let alone Cass or the kids? No way.”

“I do remember what it was like to lose Ali,” Keene reminds him. My jaw falls open. “So while I can’t emphasize in the same way, I do know what it’s like to lash out at people you don’t mean to.”

Caleb hides a smile. “You do that regularly.”

Keene goes to throw him the middle finger, but Jason slaps it down. “Will you please remember where we’re at?” he says exasperatedly.

Caleb laughs at Keene’s narrow-eyed glare. I grin as Grace comes rushing over. “Daddy, is that hot chocolate?”

I crouch down. “No, but after I think everyone’s planning on going to get some. Do you want to go?”

Smacking my lips with a kiss, she goes rushing off. “Kalie! We’re getting cocoa too!”

I’ve been had. In the best of ways.

There are days when my reality comes rushing back, and I’m overwhelmed by the bleakness of it. Today isn’t going to be one of those days when I’m surrounded by three men who are laughing hysterically at the way I was just played by my three-year-old. “I have a lifetime of giving in, don’t I?” I grouse.

“Welcome to the club.” Caleb holds his cup aloft. I shake my head after tapping mine against it. I take a sip. My face twists in disgust.

Everyone chuckles.

Walking over to the trash, I toss the remains of Phil’s drink in. “If you all don’t mind us following you to The Coffee Shop, I’ll wait to get something that doesn’t feel like I’m sucking down a pint of coffee-flavored heavy cream.”

Caleb mutters, “Not if Jon keeps… Jon! I thought I told you to leave your sister alone!”

“But Daaaaddddd…” Caleb shoves his coffee at Keene before he stalks off.

“So, it’s not any easier with boys?” I wonder aloud.

Jason smirks. “Not that I’ve observed.”

Keene glares. “Thanks, brother. That gives me hope for Ali and me if we ever have another baby.”

After Caleb rejoins us, we give the kids another thirty minutes before we begin calling out countdown warnings. Fifteen minutes after that, we’re all walking back to our vehicles to make our way into the center of Collyer. Parking behind The Coffee Shop, Grace and I head in to grab two tables near the windows. Within a few minutes, Ava is taking orders from the adults for the kids and walking away muttering, “Like I don’t know what you all drink?”

An hour after that, just as the kids begin to get fussy, Keene excuses himself to take a call. A few minutes later, he comes back and says, “We’re all set. Let’s get these monsters to their respective homes before they all melt down.”

Jason sighs. “Should I even argue with you over the bill? I was told it was supposed to go on the Amaryllis account.”

Keene smirks. “It went on ours instead.”

I open my mouth to argue, but Jason just shakes his head. “Don’t even bother. Just tip Ava extra if you feel the need to.”