Page 110 of Free to Live

“Why, then? Why?” Shoving to my feet, I begin to pace back and forth like a trapped cougar.

Seth glances at Eden before clearing his throat. “If I could offer an explanation…”

“Other than I’m a dick?” I bite out sarcastically.

His smile is small, but it’s there. “There is that, of course. But there’s actually a psychological explanation for it, Joe.”

There is?I gape at him.

“There’s been studies conducted about it. In fact, there was one conducted by Duke University in 2016.” Even though I felt like Seth was psychoanalyzing me during my entire relationship with his daughter, I welcome his knowledge now.

I drop back into my chair. “Really?” I ask in disbelief.

He chuckles softly. He reaches for Eden’s hand. “Really. Not for nothing, but I called Eden by Mary’s name once and…”

“And let’s not go there,” Eden says tartly.

“Your father called me by the dog’s name once,” my mother pipes in. My eyes swing to the man I’ve wanted to be most of my life. I know I’m gaping especially when my mother adds on, “It doesn’t help that we were in a certain position.”

“Jesus, Ma. Stop. Just stop.” But my heart feels moderately lighter that maybe my enormous faux pas might not be the end of the world.

“That being said, Joe”—my head swings back toward Seth—“you likely said…” He swallows hard. “Mary’s name because you’re classifying her and Holly in the same emotional place in your heart. You need to be one hundred percent certain of your feelings. Take the time to talk with someone now before anyone gets hurt.”

The lightness evaporates. “You mean hurt worse,” I say dully.

My father crosses the room in a few quick strides. “What happened wasn’t your fault, Joe.” I turn my head away. “Listen to me. I’m not talking to you as your father, I’m talking to you as your boss. It appears to be a problem with malfunctioning wiring in the timing device Holly used in the wall. Now, just imagine if she wasn’t home. It’s possible the fire could have spread to the other homes on the farm.”

My breath is coming in short, choppy jerks as I imagine the damage.

Fire breathes.

Fire lives.

Fire burns.

That goddamned bitch.

If Holly hadn’t made that 9-1-1 call, how far would it have spread before it was stopped?

“Okay.” I wipe the tears from my face. Taking a deep breath, I say to my father, “I need to make sure my head’s on straight before I fight for her.” Then I turn to Seth. “Who do you recommend I talk to?”

My father tugs me into his arms. “Nobody’s going to let you down, son.”

No, I don’t think they would.

But I’ve already let Holly down. And now I have to fight so I won’t do that again.

61

Holly

I’ve been out of the hospital for a few weeks. Living with Jason and Phil has been a massive comfort to both my mind and my soul.

I didn’t realize how hard it would be to be back on the farm until Jason drove through the gates and I began to have a panic attack, which in turn set off a fit of coughing so hard, he had to stop the car to treat me. Shoving a rescue inhaler in my mouth, Jason calmed me even as Phil sat in the front seat, helpless and cursing.

Instead of the two of them taking me to the main barn—where our whole family was waiting to welcome me home—they drove me directly to their home. That’s where my healing truly started to begin.

Jason’s taken an unpaid leave of absence from work to care for me, something which I tried to protest and pay him for. Jason gave me a disdainful look and merely laid his finger across my lips to hush the protests coming from my ruined voice. “We’re fine, Hols. They understand. I’ll still have my job when I go back. Stop worrying and get well. That’s the only thing you have to do.”