Page 62 of Free to Judge (Amaryllis Heritage #2)

I find myself speeding into town, narrowly avoiding an accident when I turn into the parking lot of Amaryllis Events.

Waving my hand in the air where my convertible top is open, I hear a couple of beeps.

Must be someone used to my crazy driving, I surmise.

Glancing around the parking lot, I find Phil’s BMW, Em’s Rover, and Caleb’s Porsche.

Figures the newlyweds wouldn’t be too far apart on a weekend.

Grinning, I make my way up to the porch.

While Phil was the first to fall in love with Jason when they met at Candlewood Lake, the private betting pool we have within the family has Corinna going down next, due to the volume of men she dates.

I mean, the odds are decent on at least one being a winner.

Holly, our dreamer, always has her face glued to her camera lens, but she’s a knockout.

She also hasn’t let the issues of our pasts touch her too much.

I have pretty high odds as well, though I scoff at the idea of it.

Em is a more prominent possibility than Cassidy, despite her refusal to date any man seriously. She’s the quintessential ice princess. Sadly, each guy wants to break the frost around her heart.

None of us, especially Cassidy, ever thought she would be able to let go of her past to date, let alone fall in love. I consider it a miracle that about nine months after they first met, Cass and Caleb were married and expecting their first baby.

I decide to run inside to see if anyone needs anything before I walk to The Coffee Shop.

Cass, Phil, and Em are most likely hanging around inside the mansion we converted into our offices to make sure nothing needs their personal touch for the reception scheduled at eleven this morning.

I know Corinna will head back to her bed the minute she’s done delivering the wedding cake she spent most of the night decorating.

Swinging open the stained-glass door, I hear Phil and Em bickering from the direction of her design space.

Em’s area is flooded with natural sunlight streaming in through her bay window.

Filled with jewel tones and littered with pillows made of every color and texture imaginable, beautiful stained-glass dream catchers capture the sunlight, throwing bright colors around the room as you walk in.

Antique art deco posters decorate the walls.

This room is Em’s soul in living color, the part of her that no one but family gets to see.

It’s here I find Phil and Jason lounging against the pillows on the floor. Cassidy—probably ordered by her husband, Caleb—is lying on Em’s chaise, with him on the floor by her feet. Mugsy, Em’s elderly rescue dog, woofs a welcome.

Em looks up from where she’s passing out cups from The Coffee Shop when I walk in. Her dark blue eyes widen in surprise when she sees me. “What are you doing here?”

I saunter over to her. “Nice greeting, Em. Did you get me one?” I wonder if they saw my text and guessed I’d want to celebrate with chocolate. “How did you know I’d come by?”

Uncomfortably, Em ducks her head. “Actually, I didn’t.

I’m sorry, Ali. We figured you’d be enjoying your day off.

” She tips her head at Cassidy, who’s sipping her standard cappuccino—now decaf due to the baby—with an expression of pure bliss.

“Cass bet that there was no way you’d come in since you weren’t scheduled. ”

I pause in the act of dropping kisses on varying heads or cheeks around the room. “Wow. I always feel guilty you guys work harder than I do on days we have events. Way to make me feel worse.” I decide to claim a seat by the wall, sliding down it to sit.

“Yeah, but you get us paid,” Phil pipes up, trying to lessen the blow. “And since we all like money, we let it slide.” Laughter fills the room. All but mine.

I pull out my phone and look through the pictures I took this morning, trying not to let my hurt feelings show.

Cassidy’s still laughing as she rubs a hand over her already protruding baby belly.

She looks further along than the four months the doctors swear she’s at.

It must be because she’s so petite. “Don’t worry, Ali.

You’ll have plenty of extra work soon enough.

You’ll wish for days when you didn’t have to be here.

And no, you don’t get to pay yourself more for having to deal with Whirlpool. ”

They all laugh again at the narrow look Phil sends Cassidy.

I can’t help but smile too. Cassidy’s nickname for our older brother is inspired by a washing machine—living with him is like being on the spin cycle.

“Be careful, little girl. Just because you’re going to be a mama soon doesn’t mean I won’t exact revenge. ”

“Oh yeah? How?” she sasses him. Since falling in love, her personality shines, lighting up everyone around her. I only wish she could forgive me for being cautious with Caleb and not accepting him right off the bat.

“Maybe by telling your husband about the night we taught you how to give a blow job,” Phil taunts. He looks at Caleb, whose grin says Cassidy already neutralized his threat. Phil sputters indignantly. “Damn you, Cass. That was a family dinner. You’re not supposed to share what happens at those!”

“Caleb is family, remember? There was an event a few months ago? I wore a white dress? Veil? Announced I was pregnant?” Cassidy recounted, raising her eyebrow.

I sit back and cross my legs at the ankles. I wish I had my mocha. That’s all I wanted to celebrate my personal accomplishment. I don’t need to post pictures of my trail run all over the internet. I only need the personal satisfaction of a job well done and a celebration with double chocolate.

“Ha!” Phil says, still in a snit. “We’ll have to see what comes up at dinner tonight since the whole family will be there.

” He emphasizes the word “whole.” My head snaps in his direction so fast, I swallow the ends of my hair in my mouth.

As I pick them out, I think fast. What family dinner tonight?

Suddenly, the spot where I’m sitting feels like it’s covered in a bed of poison sumac. I shift uncomfortably, as if my skin is trying to peel off my bones. My teeth clench. Even my breathing alters.

I’m trying not to let my discomfort show before I look over at my oldest sister.

Maybe Phil didn’t mean the whole family, as in the inclusion of a recently added brother who I can’t get out of my brain, short of an exorcism with our local priest. My hope is lost when Cassidy, who’s resting her hand on Caleb’s shoulder, beams at me, saying, “Yeah. Keene’s back from DC.

Since everyone’s in town tonight, Caleb and I wanted to share some news. So…the farm at six?”

“Sure, she can make it,” Phil interjects. “It’s not like she has other plans.”

Actually, I do. I’m supposed to go on a blind date with a guy I met on a social media app not too long ago. That being said, I’m more than a little affronted that my family is so cavalier about my social life.

Hiding my face to avoid anyone catching the expression plastered there, I nod.

Standing abruptly, I decide to leave, overwhelmed with being perpetually punished for a misconstrued statement in the heat of the moment. “Then I guess I’ll see you all tonight.”

“Thanks, Ali. We appreciate it,” Caleb murmurs, scrutinizing me.

I make my way to the door as I say to everyone, “Have a lovely afternoon together.”

I close the door carefully behind me.

As I start to walk down the hall, I hear Em ask, “What’s up her butt?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she sat in some poison sumac. You know she’s allergic to it,” Phil quips.

Laughter floats through the closed door at my expense.

Coming in was a mistake. It feels like that more and more lately. Then again, ever since my last fight with Cassidy nothing seems right anymore.

Cassidy, if you just sign the prenup, you’ll be protecting yourself on top of the company. After all, Caleb is the first man you’ve ever really been with. By doing this, you’ll be protecting him, us, and yourself…

My words come back to haunt me as I race out the front door of Amaryllis Events.

Even though I felt, and still feel, the advice was sound—to my sister who fell in love with the first man she ever dated, it was a declaration of war.

I must hate Caleb. I must resent her because of Keene.

Taking a pragmatic approach to our business caused such a fight I was surprised to be included in the wedding.

In fact, two months later, I’m still being punished for it.

Escape. All I need to do is escape. Maybe if I can get away fast enough, the pain in my chest will ease up.

The summer breeze dances around me, rustling the ends of my hair.

Jumping in my convertible, I just drive, taking a turn to head out of town and onto the twisty roads that lead to the peaks of Collyer.

My little car wants me to let it go, so I drop it into third and punch the gas.

I feel the response through the purring of the engine beneath my feet.

With no real destination in mind, I fast forward through my playlist until I find a song that matches my mood.

Our past emotional wounds had barely scabbed over when Corinna, Holly, and I first met Phil, Cassidy, and Em. Wounds inflicted by being pawned out by our respective blood relatives to pay for their drug issues. My daddy’s little nasty habit was cocaine; something he picked up after my mother died.

I did everything I could to Phil, Cassidy and Em, trying to force what it was they really wanted from us.

We had nothing left to give at that point.

God, looking back, I can’t believe with the shit I spewed, but they didn’t walk away.

One thing I was adamant about was refusing for Corinna, Holly and I to be separated.

We held each other’s hands in the terrifying dark my father and his partner trapped us in and then through those equally frightening first moments out of captivity.

Even though we never knew each other before our time trapped in that horrific shipping container, I felt a bond snap between us. Then when we became six, our lost souls found a new home. All we lost we found. Together.

Once we changed our names, I chose Alison since it was my mother’s middle name. Louise Sibley ceased to exist except in the darkest recess of my mind. I wanted nothing to associate me with my father.

If I have to applaud Max Sibley for anything, at least he tried to sell me in a state with some of the strictest human trafficking laws in the nation. He got 144 years on top of his drug charges. He won’t be out in his lifetime.

My sisters always claim I’m the life of the party, the person who lights up a room with a smile, yet I hardly know who I am.

It’s why I started writing some of my thoughts out, to get rid of these emotions no one would ever associate with me.

I feel like I’m going mad with no one to talk to.

So many people think I have it together, and I do for the most part, except for love or anyone getting too close to my heart.

Love, that feckless, backstabbing bitch. That turncoat traitor. The hand that will disappear to let you fall into the bottomless well.

Men are such liars, such assholes. I’d learned the hard way to be wary of them. Look at what happened when I needed things like food and shelter. The price for that landed me on an auction block to benefit Dad.

I also need to remember what happens when I ask a man to rescue me from a silly dare, and the connection I felt that enticed me to blow off my brother’s wedding reception to sneak up to my suite.

How could I forget his emerald-green eyes that looked into the depths of my soul every time his body connected with mine?

I only need to remember him sneaking out without his pants on, eager to run away.

Bastard.

I should have just ruined the shoes instead of ruining my… No. I refuse to call it my heart.

Blinking rapidly behind my sunglasses, I downshift into a tight turn. After everything that happened when I was a teenager, I have zero tolerance for lies. I wholeheartedly believe in telling the truth, especially to myself.

I have no problem with people choosing to live their lives how they please, but don’t lie to me. Don’t pretend to be something or someone you’re not.

And I’m done lying to myself about Keene Marshall.

I was nothing more than a one-night stand to him. Correction, a two-night stand. Not that anyone knows that. It’s unpleasant having to accept I’ve been nothing more than a warm place for him to stick his cock in when he needed a release.

Pressing my lips together, I get my bearings before turning back toward town.

Sighing, I realize I have to find the protective shield I wear for anyone who’s not allowed inside my heart. That means they get the dazzle, the charm, and the smile, but they’ll never see behind it to the real me.

How does that saying go? Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, I’ll take a torch to you…or some shit like that.

Turning my car down the next street, I make my way back to the farm for a family dinner I don’t particularly want to attend, knowing I’ll have to force a little more dazzle into my smile because of one particular family member.

The only thing keeping me from bailing out of this fiasco of a night is my curiosity over Cassidy and Caleb’s announcement.