Page 25 of Free to Judge (Amaryllis Heritage #2)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

I dreamt for the first time in longer than I can remember. A true dream, not one of the nightmares I’ve suffered of Tanya’s headless bride ghoul-like impression.

I wrap Kalie in my warm embrace, resting my head against her shoulder, nuzzling her soft hair. Then, I pull back and stare down into her exquisite face.

She cocks her head to the side. I lean down while my heart thunders. My cock aches. Every part of me calls out to her, no pleads.

Don’t leave me.

In the trancelike way dreams have, every moment was sluggish as I lifted my hands and cupped her chin to hold it in place. Even as I fell headlong into pools of dark blue instead of drowning in a sea of regret, I knew this was where I was meant to be—with her.

That’s when my traitorous alarm blasted me awake by playing the theme song to the Sopranos.

I shudder in agony as the song’s blues and grittiness screamed through my bedroom. My dick is hard as a spike. I roll onto my stomach to ease the agony of my morning wood and bemoan fate. “I was about to fucking kiss her. You couldn’t even let me have that?” I rail at God.

After a few moments where I question a god who decided men should have an appendage that causes more agony than pleasure, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and pad naked into the shower.

As much as I want to sink back into the pillows and give my dick the desperate release it needs, there are more important things to do that morning other than mooning over Kalie.

Like ensuring she’s safe by guaranteeing her protection detail is topnotch.

Under the spray of the shower, I curse my weakness. I want to fall back into my dreams so I can meet her where there’s no enemies chasing us, where no barriers exist to keep us apart.

Maybe if we’d had that chance all those years ago before my life changed, when we first bumped up against each other, maybe things would have been different.

This heat between us could have fully ignited.

Before I can follow the water down the drain in a puddle of regret, an alarm beeps on my phone.

Blindly, I reach my hand out of the shower and drag it in.

Cursing, I scrub off quickly before turning the tap off. The little firebrand is on the move. Judging by the speed, she’s on foot.

What I don’t know is if she took an agent with her and I can’t leave her unprotected.

Not when she’s somehow buried herself in something I thought long dead—my heart.

Showing up in Kalie’s neighborhood isn’t the brightest of ideas in the light of day. Still, I know I need to lay eyes on her—to make certain she’s safe. Damn, Declan. You should take your own advice before you arbitrarily endanger her by showing up at her home, I curse myself.

Still, my heart pounds in fear when I realize she hasn’t returned to her home. I’ve already reconned her property and there’s no sign of life inside. Fear and anger swirl together in my brain.

I’m going to give her a tongue lashing for worrying me.

Please let her just be out with her agent.

God, what if something happened to her after I offloaded all my crap onto her shoulders? I’m not certain I could live with myself. But Kalie did more than listen; she asked. She lanced out the pain I didn’t even realize was still festering beneath scabbed over wounds.

The engine of my car throbs through the steering wheel beneath my fingers as if it too understands the problem.

I know I shouldn’t be here. I have places to be, things to do. But there’s no way I’ll be able to focus until I know she’s safe. Just then, my Bluetooth rings. My heart leaps but crashes when I realize it’s not her, but Sal. I answer with a snap, “What?”

“Declan, we have problems.” That’s when Sal launches into the litany of issues that have already gone to shit this morning.

Some of his crew were arrested overnight after being caught booting a shipment of cars.

There was a brawl at the strip club in the wee hours of the morning.

The worst part is that he wants me to come with him and the enforcer whose job it is to collect from a string of mom-and-pop shops in Bridgeport because they haven’t paid on time for protection.

Scrubbing a hand over my face, I growl, “I get why you’re calling me about the first two, but what the hell does the third have to do with me?”

Sal’s confusion is evident. “Well, they signed a contract.”

“Is it an enforceable one?” I demand coldly.

Before he can answer, I interject, “That means there are no clauses for physical retribution in the event of failure to pay, no interest rate hikes that fall outside federal guidelines. So help me God, if you’ve done either of those and expect me to defend it in court, you will lose.

Tell me right now if you can lose any more of your crew to concrete cages before you ask me to go with you to Bridgeport. ”

He’s silent for a minute. “Right. Why don’t you focus on the first two issues?”

“That sounds like a better idea. Christ, I’m not your Don, not anywhere close. What the fuck do you expect me to do?”

That’s when he floors me by saying, “Well, since you, the boys and I were talkin’ bout how things are really lookin’ up. Maybe we want you to step in—just until you get the bosses cleared.”

“Right. And even if I wanted to entertain that idea, you know the second they did, they’d chop off my head,” I reply.

“No job is without risks. In fact, did you hear bomb threats have been called in to credit card agencies?”

At this point, I’m rocking myself back and forth in the car in anticipation. “For the love of all that’s holy, please tell me if it was any of you who did that?” He may think I’m desperate for him to say “no,” but in my head, I’m pleading for him to give me an affirmative response.

“Nah, it was posted as something that happened on the Mafia Reddit channel.”

Hearing that, my mind short circuits. I literally can’t form words. When my brain resets, I shout, “There’s a channel on Reddit for the mob and you idiots are on it sharing…no. Don’t tell me. I want plausible deniability.”

Sal chuckles. “Gotcha.”

I glare up at the speaker. “This isn’t funny.”

“Lighten up a little, Declan. You need to get laid.”

With those words, an image of Kalie floats through my mind. Smart, sassy, intelligent—exactly the kind of woman who does it for me. Vaguely, I make a non-committal response.

We talk for a few more minutes about the fuck ups from yesterday’s work and I promise I’ll see if anything can be done.

After hanging up on him with a grunt, I reach out to the Darien Police Department.

Since it’s the weekend, I’m not surprised Sal’s guys won’t be arraigned until Monday.

Which frees up my time to go back to what I was doing previously—staring up Kalie’s street.

I have hundreds of hours of work to plow through before Monday.

Numerous cases to look at. Motions to tweak to be just off enough to be thrown out by a judge.

Discovery filings that are accurate but filed just past their deadline.

Instead, none of that seems to matter as I keep staring up the street at Kalie’s home, wondering where the hell she took off to.

I lean my head back against the headrest, closing my eyes for a brief second.

Her reaction to what I told her about Tanya is at the forefront of it all.

The pure emotions that flickered across her face for a woman she didn’t know.

The way her natural compassion shone through before she offered me a safe place to grieve without judgment.

It forces me to take an uncomfortable look at what I’m doing and if it’s for the right reasons. If I had someone like Kalie in my life back then, would I have walked this path of vengeance? Would I have quit the bureau and joined Hudson?

Truthfully, the answer to both is I don’t know. But something tells me it would have been different.

My life wouldn’t be the same because she would have been there to help me deal with my grief the same way she is right now. After all, depending on who helps you heal, no two scars are identical.

Last night, something fundamentally changed between Kalie and me. I’d felt it when she listened without judgment as I exposed parts of myself I had to bury deep to function every day. When she didn’t flinch at the worst of it, merely looked at me like she could see past the mask I always wore.

Now, seeing Kalie isn’t just a want. It’s a need I have to have just to survive another day in this fucked up life I’m living.

That alone terrifies me.

My eyes flicker open when I hear a dog bark in the distance. Focusing on the front of Kalie’s home, I don’t see any sign of movement. Sunlight blinds me from seeing in through the front windows, but other than that one sound, it’s peaceful here. Serene.

Which is why I jump when there’s a knock on my passenger side window.

My hand shifts beneath my jacket instinctively before I get a good look at who it is. Then I release the tension-riddled breath when I recognize the woman in form fitting jogging gear and the man standing down the street—Kalie and Jon. Turning on the ignition, I roll down the window.

Her first words make my lips twitch. “Tell me you didn’t spend the night out here. I would have at least let you sleep on the couch.”

“No, firebrand. I went home.”

She makes a thoughtful humming sound, whether at the nickname I’ve bestowed upon her or my response. “Yet, you’re back.”

Jon calls out something I can’t quite make out. She rolls her eyes. “Give me a sec.” Then, she leans forward and into the window so I’m enveloped in her scent and paralyzed by her blue eyes. “Next time, bring a different car. Even in my neighborhood, this one’s kind of noticeable, Declan.”

I blurt out exactly what I’m thinking. “I just needed to see you.”

She’s quiet for a moment, studying my face, not saying a word.

The words come from a place deep inside of me before I can stop them. “I think I just needed to make sure you were okay with everything.”

“Oh.” Her expression softens. “I’m fine. What about you?”

Even now, she’s putting me first. It warms something that’s been cold and dead around my heart for a long time. “I’m okay.”

She studies me before offering. “Do you want to come back later when you’re not quite so…noticeable…to talk?”

I should say no. I should drive away from the openness shining on her face. Instead, “Yeah. I’d like that.”

“Text me to let me know what time you’ll be here.” Then she leans back and jogs over to her cousin.

Something settles inside of me. Before I have a chance to process it, a text comes through on the screen of my car.

Sal:

Christ, Declan. It’s a shit show.

Need you down at Velvet Vice.

I voice text back, “I’m on my way.” Then, after ensuring Kalie and Jon are safely inside her house, I wheel the car in the direction of the strip club but my mind’s not there.

It’s thinking ahead to the many hours until I can get back to Kalie’s.