Page 35 of Free to Judge (Amaryllis Heritage #2)
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Why I’m nervous about him coming over this time when he’s basically committed B he’s trying.
“I know that now.” He looks up at me with something unguarded and raw in his eyes. “But I’m terrified.”
“Of what?”
“Of losing you.” He swallows before pushing the next words out of his mouth. “I won’t put you at risk. I’ll do anything to protect you.”
“You have to start by trusting me.”
He holds his hand out, palm up. “That’s what I’m trying to say.”
I lay mine on his. “What?”
“I do trust you.”
My eyes narrow. “Sure didn’t seem like it.”
He absorbs my condemnation. “I feel like I have to keep pushing you away to keep you safe.”
My fingers tighten on his. “Stop pushing. Trust me to come to you if I think there’s a problem or if I believe my family is in danger. Start there.”
The words hang in the air between us. He’s weighing them, fighting against the part of himself that’s been closed off for so long. Finally, he gives me a part of himself I never expected he’d hand over.
His trust.
“When I’m with you, everything is real—every word, every emotion. Nothing is a lie.”
The flutter in my chest increases. I interlace our fingers. “Is that so?”
“It is.” He lifts my hand to his mouth and brushes his lips across my knuckles back and forth. “How does that make you feel?”
“Excited. Anxious?”
He huffs out a laugh. “At least I’m not alone.”
“In what you’re feeling?”
“Yeah, firebrand.”
I tilt my head to the side. “Why do you call me that?”
“Because a firebrand is someone who is provocative, passionate, and disruptive.” He quirks a brow. “Sound like anyone in this room?”
I feel my cheeks warm even as Declan pulls me closer. His forehead rests against mine. For a long moment we don’t say anything. I whisper, “What do you want?”
“Now or long term?”
“Both.”
“Long term, I want to stop pretending I’m something I’m not.”
“Then stop.” My cheek nuzzles against his.
He turns into my touch, his lips grazing the sensitive skin of my neck. The sensation sends a jolt of electricity through me. His voice drops low, like a promise. “I don’t know when that’s going to be possible.”
I lean forward and brush my lips across his. “We’ll figure it out.”
This time, he doesn’t hesitate. This time, it’s not a mistake. He pulls me to him, burying his fingers in my hair. My body melts into his. I grip his shoulders, holding on as if I’m afraid he’ll disappear.
But he doesn’t. He deepens the kiss, breathing life into my very core.
It’s a kiss that tells me everything I need to know about how he feels.
It tells me he wants to be with me, a fact I didn’t know if we’d ever reach or if I’d ever know.
The fact he’s here now is as clear as any words he could say.
But he’s just as scared.
I get it. Because I do, I pull back, my lips tingling and my heart beating like mad.
“Wow,” I murmur.
He leans his forehead against mine, the sweetest smile on his face. “Firebrand,” he says, like it’s the highest praise he can give.
We stay like that, an eternity packed into a few brief seconds. I’m the one who pulls back, afraid if I don’t, I’ll never have the strength to tell him the next part. “Declan, I’m willing to see where this goes. I want to. But I need to know, do you want this too?”
He brushes my hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. The intimacy of the gesture causes my heart to skip a beat. He kisses my forehead before he replies, “I want to. I’m not sure how good I’ll be at it.”
I can’t stop the grin that breaks across my face. “I’ll take that. Just don’t wig out on me again, okay?”
He lets out a choked laugh. “You’re the only person who would dare call me out like that and have me coming back for more.”
“Does that mean you’re not going to run?”
“Not unless I need to sweep you off your feet and carry you somewhere safe.”
“Let’s hope there’s no need for that.”
“I won’t let there be.” His words are as much a promise to me as they are to himself. “Kalie, I’m—”
This time, I cut him off with my own mouth before he could apologize again. He doesn’t resist, instead pulling me closer still.
I let him. For now.
Later that night, I explore some of the selfies we took together on my phone while we were snuggled together on the couch.
He didn’t protest, just turned his face into my hair and buried his lips into it.
The fact he didn’t gave my heart hope that we’re more. We’re building something together. Still, when he snuck out earlier, there’s a small part of me that wonders what we are and where we’re going. Mentally shrugging, I give up control.
We’ll figure it out when we get there.