Page 57 of Free to Judge (Amaryllis Heritage #2)

CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX

The aches of my body remind me all too well of last night, making me desperate for some more of Dr. Ben’s magic narcotics. Even as I wage an internal war to waste what little energy I have to seek out the nurse call button, I find myself gasping in panic when I can’t move my hand.

My eyes fly open and the fear in my heart immediately settles when my eyes rest on the ones I inherited—my mother’s. Gripping my hand in between both of hers, she presses her lips against our folded fingers before murmuring, “I never wanted you to know this kind of pain, Kalie.”

With her words, something inside of me shatters. The breath I didn’t realize I was holding exhales before I rasp out, “Mama.”

For a long while, she doesn’t speak. Her actions do all the talking.

My mother’s touch is reverent—lips pressing against my hand clasped in between her own.

It’s a worship of gratitude, a humble thanks.

I give her those quiet moments uncertain of the time that passes because my pain eases simply by her being next to me.

But my heart remembers Declan being by my side when I fell asleep and can’t help but wonder where he is.

She dispatches that question before I can even ask it. “After I ensured your father was sane after last night.”

“And vice versa?”

Her weary smile acknowledges I’m right on target. “I forced Declan to go get a shower and debriefed—not necessarily in that order.” Her gaze softens. “He didn’t leave your side once, Kalie.”

My head tips upward so my eyes focus on the drop ceiling. “Love is never quite as simple as a love story makes it out to be.”

“The memorable ones aren’t.”

“Like yours and Dad’s?”

“I’ve never hid the fact your father came into my life flashing hazard signs—forget red flags.”

A whimper of laughter escapes. I clutch my ribs. “Don’t make me laugh, Mama. It hurts.”

Her hand reaches up and smooths one of the bruises I can feel blooming on my skin. Moisture makes her eyes appear iridescent. “I had a lot of wishes when I knew I was pregnant with you, Kalie.”

“Like what?”

“I prayed you’d grow up strong and smart. I hoped you’d love your family the way I do. I prayed you’d find love.” A lone tear tracks down her cheek. “But never did I want you to experience the physical trauma behind our promise to remain loyal as a family.”

I lift her hand and cup her fingers to the side of my battered face. “I don’t think I would have endured it if I didn’t have such a strong role model, Mama.”

Her eyes close briefly. When they open, they’re misted over with love. “I love you, Kalie.”

“I love you too.”

“Now, about Declan,” she starts.

“Can I ask for more pain meds before we have this conversation?”

With a small smile, she presses the call button.

After a nurse pops her head in and asks what we need, then reassures me my precious pain meds will be on their way shortly.

Mama continues, “In the time I’ve loved your father, he’s swung from being my lover to my worst enemy, the love of my life to the bane of my existence. ”

“What’s your point, Mama?”

“Love isn’t the law. Even when you have all the facts, there’s always mitigating circumstances.” She tucks a stray hair behind my ear.

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“I never stopped loving him.”

“That’s good to know.”

“And after last night, it’s even harder to not forgive him when he’s so hurt by what happened to me.” I meet her eyes. “Still, deep down, our beginning wasn’t normal. I need that for a while.”

“Then take that time. I have a feeling Declan’s not going anywhere.” Her smile turns feral. “Besides, it will give me the opportunity to get to know him.”

“Play nice, Mama.” I blink up at the harsh lights. “How long am I stuck in here?”

“At least a week.”

I frown. “My injuries aren’t that bad, are they?”

“You won’t be racing this season,” she prepares me.

My nose scrunches up in displeasure. “Nothing? Not even a 5K?”

“Will it make you feel better to man a water station?”

“Only if Dad runs in a tutu again.”

A voice from the door vows, “If it makes you feel better, firebrand, I’ll make damn certain it happens.”

I groan. “Declan. I don’t suppose we could ask you to keep that from my father.”

He strolls forward to the opposite side of the bed from my mother. Leaning forward, his aftershave floods my senses, overriding the antiseptic smell of my hospital room when he presses a lingering kiss to my forehead. “I heard nothing.”

My mother mutters, “We’ll see,” under her breath.

Declan continues, “But that’s because I plan on running right next to him, tutu and all.”

My breath escapes on a small puff of air. “You do?”

His lips twist in self-depreciation before he turns to my mother to ask, “Alison, do you mind if I have a few moments alone with Kalie?”

She regards him thoroughly—her demeanor protective, not hostile—before nodding and squeezing my hand.

“I’ll go update the family. Your Uncle Phil was threatening to lay siege to the hospital later,” she says, voice thick with emotion.

She lingers a moment at the door until our eyes meet and hold.

Finally, she gives me an imperceptible nod, as if reminding me what we talked about.

Nothing is simple when it comes to love.

After she leaves, Declan assumes her seat, scooting the guest chair closer.

He doesn’t sit. Instead, again looms over me, both hands gripping the steel rail at the side of my bed.

His face is wary, exhausted, and tentative.

Still, a radiant smile breaks the tension when he’s done perusing my features and declares, “You look good, firebrand.”

I raise my brows, amused but grateful. “You’re a liar and a half, Conian.”

He laughs, hangs his head, and when he looks up again, whatever defense he’s built crumples.

He’s just Declan—no more masks. No Mafia lawyer suits to hide behind like armor.

No Hudson agent. Just Declan laying himself in front of me to judge.

Almost as if he can read my thoughts, he says, “Last night I said I wanted to start earning you back. That begins today.”

“Why?” The question’s out before I can stop it.

He doesn’t flinch. “Because cutting you out emotionally before it almost became physically permanent was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. You were right to walk—no run—as far as you could away from me. You deserved to be wooed, treasured. While you slept, I realized how little I did that.”

“You’re not making a good argument for trying again,” I point out.

“Then how about this. I didn’t leave because I didn’t have feelings for you. I left because they were so overwhelming. I’d already lost one person close to me and…” His voice chokes up. “Well, you see how that turned out.”

My natural compassion wins over his obvious pain. “For what it’s worth, I think we gave Tanya’s husband something to think about last night.”

He corrects me. “No, you did because you care. You love and you love openly. Freely. I’m terrified the feelings I have for you are going to ruin you.”

“Which are?” My heart is thudding in my chest.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. I’m not giving up on us. Not now, not ever.” He pauses before he adds, “And what I said to your mother?”

I snicker. “I didn’t take you seriously.”

He shakes his head. “No, that was a serious offer. I want to run with your dad. I’d be honored to wear a goddamn tutu if it means ending up in a place of pride on your desk—of becoming so cherished in your life again.”

I close my eyes. It would be so easy to soften. Too easy. But if the last twenty-four hours have shown me anything, it’s that I need to be more cautious. I warn him, “You have to know, after everything, trust is going to take time.”

“I know. That’s why I’m going to be there by your side. I’m going to earn back your trust and your love.”

I stare at the ceiling, blinking back tears. After a long moment, I turn my head. “Then you’d better make damn certain you can keep up, Conian. Dad’s a fast runner.”

The flash of his smile is almost as bright as the love he has for me that’s visible in his eyes. Then, he looks down and seems to realize he’s gripping the bed rail instead of my hand. Sitting down, he slips his fingers through mine as if testing how it feels to be touching me again.

My heart skips a beat when he lifts our joined hands to his mouth and presses a soft kiss to the top of it.

“I’ll make certain you enjoy that water station, firebrand.”

Three months later, at a 5K fundraiser in honor of Brave Steps Forward, every female in our family whoops and hollers at our men since they followed Declan and my father’s lead wearing tutus and tiaras.

Including Ben and his sons, who all shot me a jaunty little wave when they passed by the water station I’m dutifully manning.

I still can’t run, but both my body and heart are well on their way to recovery due to Declan’s tender care.

Much to my surprise, Ben remained my primary doctor while I was in the hospital. “Declan and I can talk later. I want you to have the best care there is.”

Once I was discharged, they did meet. What was said exactly, Declan never told me. But when he came back from that conversation, his soul was lighter.

Immensely.

After their talk and while I was recuperating at home, Ben brought his sons, Bryan and Emmitt, to see Declan for the first time since Tanya died. To say it was an emotional reunion is a complete understatement.

Ben pulled Declan in for a quick, manly hug. Though my view from the couch was slightly blocked, I watched as Declan returned Ben’s grip—two men having moved into the next stage of grief.

Together.

When they broke apart, Emmett launched himself at Declan with the energy of a very young kangaroo, nearly knocking Declan off his feet. “Missed you, Uncle Dec!” Declan righted him, ruffled his hair, before Bryan almost took him down doing the same move from the other side. “Same!”

I’m not certain how he held his tears back, but he did. Still, he choked out, “I missed you both. I love you so much.”

After they made it inside, Ben couldn’t help but check on me. “Kalie, if you keep up with your PT, I see no reason you can’t be running again by fall.”

“That’s good to hear. I’m going stir crazy.”

“I bet.” His eyes twinkled as his gaze wandered around my home.

I groaned. “Declan told you?”

“Actually, I knew who you were. That’s why I was brought in to consult.” His eyes were salacious. “Is it here?”

I rolled my eyes before I pointed toward the stairs. “Yes. It’s in my office.”

“What is?” Emmitt asked his father.

“A special medal Kalie won for running,” he replied.

Bryan wondered, “Are you good?”

Declan grinned with pride. He grabbed each boy by hand and led them to my office. “Let me show you.”

Ben scrambled to his feet. “I’m coming too!”

That’s when they learned about the important artifact in my office and why it’s not my Olympic medal.

It’s family and love.

First.

Last.

Always.

Now, out of the corner of my eye, I see Aunt Holly frame a shot of Declan and my father just as Dad leaps onto Declan’s back to be carried.

Declan’s laughter rings out. “Old man, you know your ass is sticking out in those running shorts.”

My father snarls, “Who are you calling old, punk?”

I shout, “Both of you are showing off the goods. Now get back on the course before I show you both up!”

Both their heads whip in my direction, sending me overprotective glares.

I think back to where I was when Declan entered into my life.

Now, we’ve fought wars and come out the other side stronger.

Together.

We still have so far to go, but this is a marathon, not a sprint. Every step we take is one step closer to our forever.

Finally, I think I’m ready.

Even if he is wearing a tutu.