Page 8 of Fractured Grief (Hope’s Ridge #2)

“Seb, you still there?” Lyric’s voice cut through my thoughts like ice water.

“Yes, I’m h-here,” I croaked out, trying to tune in to what he had said.

“You, okay?” Lyric asked cautiously.

“Yeah, fine.”

“Anyway, I had a serious conversation with Indy, and he went through similar things your OT will go through today, and I think I could help you if you let me.”

“What a-about Kay? This w-won’t b-be a short-term t-t-thing.

What a-about w-work, r-rent, and everything?

” His offer was kind and possibly the perfect solution to my current predicament, but had he really thought it all the way through?

I was known as “gruff” on a typical day, and my mood and demeanor hadn’t improved since being shot.

“Trust me, Seb, I’ve thought of everything and got it all covered.

I’ve already spoken to Kay, and he understands.

I haven’t told Ma yet, but I sort of discussed it with Yaya by accident when Bodhi and I were baking.

She thinks it might be good for both of us.

Please let me do this for you.” The pleading note in his voice hurt my heart.

“W-hat about Ma? How d-do you think she’ll h-handle this?” I grunted, getting frustrated that my brain wouldn’t just catch up and let me speak properly.

“She’ll be okay. She knows you and knows you weren’t overly keen on moving back home. If you’re okay with it, I’ll come with Ma to the appointment today.”

“Let’s t-t-text. C-can’t talk.” Phone calls were hard for me right now.

“Okay, but straight to text, right? I want an answer.”

I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn’t see me, and hissed yes before hanging up .

Seb

Are you sure about this? You’ve seen my therapy sessions. Working with me won’t be easy. What if I lash out? What if I hurt you? Do you think you can handle me and everything I need help with?

I worried my lip as the three dots appeared.

Lyric

I know I can, and you’re my big brother. I WANT to do this for you.

Seb

Thank you, bro. I would love to recover at my own house with my own bed .

I couldn’t help but groan at the thought of getting to sleep in my comfy bed again.

Seb

This would help me out so much! How are you going to tell Ma?

Lyric

So, you’ll let me come stay and help you?

Seb

Yes, brat!

What about Ma?

Lyric

I’ll talk to Ma now, and we’ll both see you at ten!

He ended that text with three big grin emojis. I guess he was excited.

Seb

Okay. Thanks again.

Lyric sent back the big grin emoji and the devil face emoji. Classic Lyric.

I breathed out, both relieved and completely exhausted. I thought I was improving, but longer conversations were still proving difficult. It was beyond frustrating.

Before meeting with Judy, I had a morning session with Indy.

His exercises, stretches, and strengthening had helped my arm and leg immeasurably.

Although I was beyond exhausted and sore afterward, the results spoke for themselves.

My progress gave me hope. When the darkness crept in or I had a setback, this hope was what I clung to.

I was finishing up my session when Ma, Yaya, and Lyric walked in.

They all waved in greeting and took their seats, knowing not to interrupt.

Indy had me on the dreaded parallel bars, which I’d hated from the beginning.

This time, he included a small step in the middle of the bars.

It was a way to challenge me and help bring more awareness to my leg.

From his sessions, I gained more strength in my core and arms so that I was able to catch myself more often than I let myself fall, unlike my time with other PTs.

“You know what to do. Focus on your right leg. Brace yourself.” Indy crouched as I made it up the step. Going up wasn’t the hard part; the step down was. “Good. Now take a minute and try stepping off with your right leg first. Trust your body, engage your core. That’s it. ”

Indy’s voice was soothing as we went through drill after drill, over and over.

He was always there to encourage me, but also push me.

This was only the second time we had done this exercise sequence with my shoes on.

Tying my laces was another skill I’d had to relearn with my OT.

While my arm was almost back to a hundred percent, my fingers still lacked feeling, and there seemed to be a delay between my brain and my hand.

My fingers also cramped a lot, and the tightness and subsequent muscle spasms were fucking painful. It meant the nerves and blood flow were healing the pathways. I didn’t understand much of what the doctors said after that, except for, “ That’s to be expected .”

That seemed to be their favorite phrase.

After they said that, it usually meant I was in for more agony and anger before things improved.

If they expected this, then why didn’t they tell me all of this at the start?

Every time a new symptom improved, another one took its place, but it was all to be expected.

I could feel the anger bubbling as my mind drifted.

Fuck!

“Argh, fuck!” Pain shot through my knee as I missed the step, and my knee buckled, and both legs went out from under me. I grabbed the bars to catch myself before I hit the mat.

I could hear my family gasp. This was not a good thing for them to see .

“Seb!” Indy reacted quickly, bracing my weight as he helped lower me to the mat. “Easy now. Take a moment. Are you okay?” His multicolored eyes shone with concern.

“Damn it, damn it, d-d-damn it,” I cursed. I’d been doing so well the last few times. Why did my body choose now to rebel? It felt like one step forward, two steps back, and it was wearing me down.

“Hey, it’s okay. Just a stumble,” Indy tried to reassure me.

“I d-don’t think th-hat was...” I had to breathe through the ache as I shifted my right leg. “It’s my kn-kn-knee.” I glanced at Indy, then at the anxious faces of my family. “D-don’t tell them.”

Indy hesitated, confusion marring his features. “Okay... You know a nurse will need to assess you, so...” He shrugged like he didn’t understand what I was asking.

“Can you a-a-ask them to l-leave?”

“And say what? They’re here to help you.”

“I know, but I c-c-can’t have an-other s-s-setback.

It’s too m-much... All they’ve b-been th-rough, p-please .

” I glanced down, trying to keep the sudden wetness in my eyes from showing.

I didn’t know why I was having this sort of reaction.

They wouldn’t care about another setback, only that I was okay.

This was more my pride and self-preservation than anything else.

“Hey, man, you okay?” Lyric squatted next to me, beside Indy, looking at us questioningly.

“Yeah, f-ine, j-just tired and s-s-sore. Can you t-take Ma and Y-y-aya to get c-c-coffee while I f-finish up? I’ll m-m-eet you at the app-ointment. ”

Lyric’s gaze bore into mine. He knew I wasn’t being honest, but he understood that I needed my space. “Sure.” Turning to Indy, he shot him a wink. “Take care of this big lug. Don’t let him give you a hard time. He’s just a giant teddy bear under that stoic expression.”

Color rose to Indy’s cheeks as he smiled. “I’ve noticed.”

Frowning at their interaction, I hissed at Lyric, “Go . Please .”

“All right, all right. I’m getting, I’m going.” Lyric rose and quickly ushered Ma and Yaya out of the room.

As soon as they were gone, I flopped on my back, clenching my jaw to fight the pain.

Indy set a delicate hand on my shoulder. “Let me take a look, okay?”

I nodded but didn’t move or open my eyes.

Indy’s fingers skimmed my knee and lifted my shorts to roll them up my leg.

Even through the discomfort, his touch was warm and caused my skin to pebble with goose bumps.

The sensations, while still foreign, weren’t unpleasant.

I focused on his gentle roving fingers, instead of my injury, trying to hold on to the pleasure skating over my skin.

It was happening more when Indy touched me.

Something about him soothed the storm inside me.

He softened my rough edges. I’d begun to long for those little touches.

“We might have overdone it this time. Have you been doing those weight exercises in bed every day?”

“Of course. I’m s-sure Alfie or one of the n-n-nurses would rat me o-out if I wasn’t.” Now that I’ d had a chance to catch my breath, the initial hurt had lessened. “I c-can sit up. Can you br-ring over my ch-chair, please?”

Indy helped me up, then rolled my wheelchair over.

It was still recommended for me to use this after every session, since the pain and numbness were fickle.

The increased frequency of the cramps I got after a session with Indy meant it was for the best. I’d rather swallow my pride than risk another injury.

My current pain was enough, thank you very much.

I’d mastered lifting myself into the wheelchair, and with the regular exercises, my arms were starting to bulk up.

My arms had more definition and almost felt like they were back to normal.

Once I’d situated myself in my chair with my feet on the footrests, a nurse was squatting in front of me, assessing my knee.

Thankfully, it was determined that it was a mild sprain, and ice and rest was recommended. I was advised to use my chair for the rest of the day, so I wheeled myself back to my room to shower and prepare for my meeting with Judy and my family.