Page 18 of Fractured Grief (Hope’s Ridge #2)

Seb

H aving fallen asleep to thoughts of kissing Indy and our last appointment fumble, I wasn’t sure how to act when I welcomed him into my house again.

He flushed bright red as soon as he greeted me and seemed more nervous and fidgety than usual. But I was no better.

“Should we, ah—”

“Sorry about—”

We both started to speak at the same time, then chuckled. That was turning into a habit.

“You go—”

“Go ahead—”

Rubbing the back of my neck anxiously, I smiled.

“How about I go first? I honestly don’t know what happened at our last appointment.

I wanted to thank you for sharing some of your l-life with me and letting me open up about my Pa.

That meant a lot because I haven’t been able to t-talk about him much.

It’s too p-painful,” I took a breath, preparing my last apology.

“I also wanted to apologize if I made you uncomfortable. I’m s-sorry for my inconvenient bodily reaction.

I like you, Indy, but I’m not s-sure what that means, and I’d never want to cross a line or put your job at risk. ”

“Wait, hold up. You like me?” His gaze snapped to mine, mouth gaping like a fish.

Chuckling, I closed his mouth with my forefinger. “Yes, I like you. You’re pure s-sunshine and you have me enchanted.”

Indy shifted, shuffling from foot to foot as he gazed away, ears turning pink. He didn’t look up as he whispered, “No one’s ever said anything like that to me. I’m not sure what to say.”

His bashfulness made him that much more adorable. I wanted to pull him into my arms so bad I had to fist my hands at my sides to curb the impulse.

“You don’t need to say anything. I know how important your job must be from what you’ve t-told me about yourself.

Now that I know you have a daughter, I understand even more.

I’d like to continue our sessions, s-since we work so well t-together,” I paused to breathe and prepared my next words.

“I don’t want to start over with someone new.

But if you’re uncomfortable, I’d understand if you need to p-pull back.

” I wanted to reach out and touch him, get him to look at me again and share that sunshine smile, but I meant what I’d said .

He fidgeted, not saying anything. He seemed lost in thought. Tension mounted in me as I waited for him to speak.

“Thank you for your honesty, Seb. I appreciate it. I, ah, like you, too, but my job is very important to me, so if you want me on as your physical therapist, then we need to keep the professional boundaries in place. I’m sorry, but I can’t risk losing my job.

” He finally caught my gaze with a sad smile.

His eyes held all his hopes and dreams as he tried to embody the words he’d spoken and put on his “professional mask.” I would let him have it for now.

Truthfully, we didn’t know each other all that well, and while I liked him, I didn’t know what my confusion over my sexuality might mean for a relationship.

Could it be a deal breaker? I didn’t know.

Emily and I had drifted apart, but I’d thought that had been the distance between her at college and me staying in Hope’s Ridge.

Maybe that wasn’t all there was to it.

“I understand, Indy.” I couldn’t keep my hands to myself any longer. I grasped his hand in mine, caressing the back of his fingers. “I would like to k-keep you as my physical therapist, but if you’re open to it, I’d like to be your friend, t-too, and get to know you b-better. What do you think?”

Color flooded his face as he gazed at our joined hands. “I’d like that. I could really use a friend.” He looked up and finally shared his sunshine smile.

My chest expanded with affection. How could someone, who’s been through so much and was still grieving, shine so brightly?

Indy smirked. “But don’t think friendship means I’ll go easy on you. We’re going to keep working hard to get your body back in tip-top shape.”

“Deal.”

With that, we got to work.

My first week home was done and dusted, and I was more exhausted than I’d been since my first week in the rehab center. But not in my body, it was my mind and emotions that had been put through the wringer.

I’d been sleeping so much better in my California King, but thoughts of Indy had plagued my dreams to the point where I’d wake up with a raging erection and was torn if I should do anything about it.

He said he liked me, too, but we couldn’t be more while I was his client.

I felt guilty indulging my body’s needs.

This, in turn, made me less than pleasant to be around in the mornings, and poor Lyric was copping the brunt of these frustrations.

It was Saturday, and I’d been tossing and turning since three o’clock this morning. I needed coffee. I shuffled into the kitchen using my cane after doing my morning stretches and set the Keurig to brew. I leaned against my stone counter and rubbed my tired eyes.

“Phew, you look rough. Bad night?” Lyric asked.

I glared at him until I noticed he didn’t look all that great, either. “Speak for yourself. Are you okay?”

I’d been so thankful to Lyric for moving in with me and helping me adjust, but he was still being cagey about why and how he could be here with me. Something was going on with him, and I needed to know he was all right.

“P-please talk to me.”

“I’m fine.”

I wasn’t buying that for a second. “I’m your brother. If you can’t talk t-to me, then who?”

“I’m super fine.”

“Lyric, p-please .”

“It’s nothing. I am fine. What time is your appointment today?” He was a master of deflection, but I was too tired to deal with this. I took the few steps toward him, in frustration, forgetting my cane, and felt the world tilt as I took my third step.

“Fuck! Damn it.” I went to my knees in front of Lyric, grabbing his shoulders to try and find my equilibrium.

“Shit, Seb! Are you okay?” Lyric tried to hold my weight and keep his balance, but it was a losing battle, and he fell on his ass. We froze, staring at each other.

We both burst into laughter as I lowered myself to the floor next to Lyric. I laughed out of tiredness, frustration, pain, worry, and the comedic stylings of my little brother .

Gasping for breath and wiping tears from my face, I tried to calm myself down enough to speak. “I needed that.”

“I’d say.” Lyric wiped his face with his T-shirt.

“Jerk.” I swatted at him from my position on the floor, but he managed to dodge it.

“I bruised my butt,” he said, wincing as he shifted to put his legs together.

“You okay?”

“You want to check my butt for bruising?” He quickly scooted away from me, waggling his eyebrows. “It’s a nice butt, I know, but you’re my brother, so no looksies for you.”

“You’re an idiot.” I shook my head, a common response when dealing with Lyric. “Come here.” I pointed to the spot next to me.

Lyric hesitantly moved closer.

“Look, I get not wanting to talk, but please, Lyric, tell me what’s going on.” I caught his gaze, pleading with him to open up.

His body heaved with a heavy sigh as he looked away.

“I’m not sure, Seb. I’m, like, scared all the time and confused.

Lost . I have nightmares. You were hurt, and I just stood there, frozen in place, watching you fade away.

” Tears formed in his eyes. “I did nothing. You were dying and I did nothing .” His voice was so soft I could barely hear him.

I took his hand, nudging him with my shoulder. “But I’m here. I’m alive. If it weren’t for you, we could’ve lost everyone that day. ”

He looked up at me with a watery smile. “I never knew I was capable of that sort of violence. I could’ve killed him Seb… and I didn’t care.”

“There is no way t-to prepare. You did the best you could, and you s-saved us.”

“No, I didn’t!” he yelled, launching to his feet. “I am no hero. You almost died. You were shot, Seb. You’re broken because I wasn’t quick enough. You’re suffering because I was too scared to leave the office.”

Lyric paced back and forth in front of me, tears streaming freely down his face. He’d obviously been keeping so much to himself. My heart broke for my little brother.

“Lyric.” I waited for him to look at me. “ None of this is your fault.” I patted the space next to me. He was about to speak, but I cut him off. “No. Sit!”

He slowly lowered himself to the floor, still breathing heavily and looking completely shattered.

I held the physical scars and a few emotional ones, but it seemed Lyric was struggling with more than any of us knew.

“You need to t-talk to someone. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

“I’m talking to you,” he mumbled.

“That’s not what I meant, and you k-know it.”

“I know. I hoped these feelings would go away.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works. You know I love you, b-bro,” I said, offering what comfort I could.

“And this isn’t something you want to hear, but thank you for s-stopping Derek.

You did save Atty and Bodhi and made my stupidity not be in vain.

” I nudged his shoulder to get him to look at me.

“If you didn’t stop him, my s-sacrifice would’ve been for nothing. ”

A sad smile finally crossed his face. “I love you, too, Seb.” He jostled my shoulder right back. “But jumping in front of a crazed gunman was pretty stupid.”

Lyric would be okay. “Help me up. I need coffee.”

He did and then went about making us some coffee and getting ready to face the day.

As the weeks progressed, my body and mind got stronger, but so did my feelings for Indy. Our appointments had become the highlight of my week, and I looked forward to them more than a recovering patient should.

Even though I was getting stronger, there were still things I couldn’t do yet.

Work was still off the table. Ma had taken me to visit a few times, each time getting a little easier.

The fact that I didn’t remember anything after being shot made it easier for me to distance myself from all that had happened here.