Page 16 of Fractured Grief (Hope’s Ridge #2)

Seb

“ A h, what the hell was that?” Lyric screeched. “What was he doing to you?”

I waited for my heart to return to normal and my cock to calm the fuck down.

What just happened?

What was that?

“Nothing,” I grunted as I used the towel Indy had left behind to wipe off my thigh. I was still on his exercise mat, and he’d left his resistance bands behind, too.

Shit, what did I just do?

I’d almost kissed my physical therapist.

I’d almost kissed Indy. I’d almost kissed a man.

I’d felt a connection to him from our earlier conversation, and then seeing him lose his train of thought and zone out throughout the session was surprisingly endearing.

He was usually no-nonsense and beyond professional.

It was fun to see a different side to him.

He cared and understood loss in a way I couldn’t articulate.

As his hands moved over my thigh, I was lost in the warmth that settled over me.

It had been so long since I’d been touched intimately or wanted to be touched.

The massage started out like all the others I’d been given throughout my recovery, until something shifted.

Our connection ignited, and it began to feel different. More.

I would never want to do anything to make Indy uncomfortable, and by his faster-than-professional exit, I might have done just that.

Shit.

I hoped he knew I would never do anything to hurt him or affect his work. He loved his job, but now that I knew he had a daughter at home, I was guessing he needed it more than ever.

“Hello, Seb.” Lyric waved his hand in front of my face. I’d zoned out. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” I said tersely.

“Bullshit! I saw you two. And talk about sexual chemistry. I thought I was going to need to bring in a fire hose with the heat you two were generating!” Lyric fanned his face.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at Lyric’s ridiculousness.

“Shut up,” I shifted to try to get up. Thankfully, Lyric paused being dramatic for a second and helped me. Once I was upright, he passed me my cane.

“Do you like him? Were you about to kiss? Something happened before, didn’t it?

I knew it!” He paused to fist bump the air like he’d just won the lottery, and he started doing a ludicrous little victory dance.

A smile rose involuntarily to my face, but I couldn’t let him see that, or this would never end.

“Someone broke through that gruff and stuffy exterior! What you gonna do about it?” He bounced in place as he spoke a mile a minute. I shuffled into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

“You can’t just ignore me!”

“Yes, I can.”

He invaded my personal space. “Come on, admit it. You like him,” Lyric poked my chest.

“Cut it out.” I batted his hand away and pushed him back. “He’s my physical t-therapist. Nothing happened.”

Lyric tapped his chin. “That’s not a no.”

When I didn’t say anything else, Lyric took that as my answer, and his smile overtook his face. “Seb and Indy, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g,” he sang the old playground song as he danced away from my swatting cane.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, willing him to stop as he continued like it was the best song in the world. “Would you st-top!”

“Admit it and I will.”

“But nothing happened.” I was getting frustrated, and my problematic speech was becoming more pronounced, giving me away. Lyric knew, yet he continued to provoke me.

“I’m not sure I believe you,” Lyric cackled, thriving on my discomfort .

“Okay, okay, yes, there’s s-s-something about him th-that interests me. Happy now?” I snapped.

Lyric froze in place, and his jaw dropped. “For real?” he whispered.

Rolling my eyes, I sighed. “You seriously j-just annoyed a confession out of me, and you’re s-surprised. Really ?”

“I never thought you’d admit it. And you being interested in someone is huge! Wow. How do you feel? Are you okay?”

“I don’t know. Weird? It’s such a s-st-range feeling. Being attracted to someone. It’s never been at the forefront of my mind. Once I g-got you and the others to stop ribbing me, I didn’t think about it at all. That’s weird, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not weird.” Lyric looked stoic, and his demeanor turned pensive.

“You know, I’m sorry we gave you a hard time.

We’re brothers. It’s always been my job to annoy you all.

As soon as I hit puberty, I was interested in everyone and didn’t understand why everyone else wasn’t, especially you, my dashing, mountain of a brother.

You could’ve had anyone. You were, like, the most popular guy in your grade and had no clue.

I was a little jealous,” Lyric paused, twisting his hands in front of himself as he glanced away.

“You know no one would judge you for not being interested in people or a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that. ”

I rubbed at the tension headache forming as I reached for my phone to reply and get my thoughts in order.

I guess so, but I feel like I’m letting Ma down by not settling down. Now that Atty has Bodhi, I’m feeling more pressure. But why now? Why am I interested in someone after all these years? And Indy is totally different from Emmy, like not even in the same ballpark. It’s weird.

I handed Lyric my phone.

I couldn’t get my head around what I was feeling. Was I just looking for companionship with someone who understood my grief and could relate to me outside of my family?

Lyric handed back my phone. “You could be bi or pan, you know, and it doesn’t matter when you figure things out.

There’s no time limit on discovering your sexual identity or preferences.

Even if you decide something, it could change in a week, a month, a year, or ten, and that’s fine, too.

You know I’m not one for labels, but I did my research when I was like twelve, after the dinner where Theo and Atty came out to Ma and Pa.

I wanted to know what it might be called that I liked everyone, so I settled on pansexual for myself.

I’m more fluid in my tastes than any label allows, but maybe that’s different for you.

Do you care that Indy is a guy? Does it make a difference?

” Lyric paused to let all that settle in.

I thought it through as I typed.

I’m a little worried about what sort of research you did at twelve.

I couldn’t help but quirk an eyebrow at Lyric’s answering smirk .

“I blossomed early and was horny all the damned time, still am. Do you really want to know what I got up to?”

“No! I do not ever want to know about you or any of my b-brother’s sex lives, thank you very much.”

“All right, all right. So, how do you feel about bisexual? Does the gender of who you’re attracted to matter? Other than Emily and now Indy, have you ever been attracted to anyone else or admired any particular traits in any gender?” Lyric asked.

I scrubbed a hand over my face. Typing out my thoughts felt less embarrassing than trying to stutter them out.

Attraction has never been a thing for me. I don’t really notice if someone is attractive or not. And no, gender never mattered. With Em I was interested in her energy and the fun we had together. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was a girl. And Indy…

I trailed off, thinking of Indy’s sunshine smile. He lit up any room he walked into, but that was all Indy and nothing to do with him being male; it was just him.

Once I came back to myself, Lyric was reading my phone upside down and studying me intently.

“What?” I asked, “You’re never t-this quiet.”

“I am when it’s serious,” he glanced at his feet, shuffling in place. He looked a bit forlorn .

“Hey, I was just k-kidding. I know you can be s-serious. What’s wrong?” I jostled his shoulder to get him to look at me.

“It’s nothing. I’ve… been doing some more reading. Someone referred to themselves as a term I was unfamiliar with, so I needed to look it up. Have you thought about asexuality?” Was Lyric blushing? He was! I wondered what about asexuality, or this person he mentioned, could make him blush.

“I’ve never th-thought about asexuality. I mean, Em and I had sex, so I don’t think I’d fall under that label anyway,” my cheeks heated.

“You can have sex and be asexual,” Lyric rolled his eyes.

“Consider reading up on it, if you want. I’ve been exploring what demisexual means, which is under the ace umbrella.

It's something worth considering. I can tell you’re reaching your limit, so maybe you could look into all this for yourself.

It might help you identify what you’re feeling, or at least, give you a better idea.

It might offer you some comfort.” Lyric patted my shoulder.

“I’m starving. I’m gonna run out to the restaurant and see what I can snag for us.

I’ll leave you here to ponder in peace.” With that, he bounded out the door and left me to my thoughts.

Doing some research might help, or at least help me identify what I was feeling.

Asexuality .

Maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t, but I would take Lyric’s advice and look it up.