Page 12 of Fractured Grief (Hope’s Ridge #2)

Seb

L ying back on my bed, I tried to get my thoughts in order.

I wondered more about what lingered in Indy’s eyes.

His sunny mask had lifted for a second, and I’d gotten a glimpse of all the grief, sadness, and loneliness he carried around with him.

I’d noticed a flicker when we first met, but I thought I’d been projecting.

It was clear Indy held so much more inside than he let on.

Having gotten to know Bodhi better, my worldview had shifted a lot.

From seeing, learning, and experiencing a darker side of humanity— thanks, Derek —it had made me wonder more about what went on behind closed doors.

Levi mentioned I might project my feelings and fears onto others because of my trauma and recovery, but I didn’t think this was that.

Atticus had fallen head over heels for Bodhi, but it took a while to share what Bodhi had gone through to escape his abusive ex.

From meeting Bodhi, other than seeming a little shy, I never would’ve guessed all he was hiding.

Armed with the knowledge and experiences that nothing is as it seems, I was worried about Indy.

Was he being abused? Was his sunny demeanor a mask? Was he unsafe at home?

I wanted to know so much more about him.

My thoughts bombarded me.

There was a magnetic presence about him. I wanted to protect him. I wondered if it was because he was so much smaller than me, almost delicate, but that wasn’t it. There was something else there.

Wait a sec... Did I have a crush on Indy?

I wanted to be near him.

To watch him smile or, better yet, be the cause of that smile.

Butterflies came to life in my stomach when he laughed... Hmmm... I’d never had a crush on a man. Even though Indy was petite, there was no doubt he was a man.

I didn’t know what to do with this realization.

Having only had one girlfriend in high school and no interest in “hooking up” like my classmates, I never thought anything of it.

Emily and I dated for over three years, breaking up only after the distance became too much when she went to college.

We talked regularly and caught up every now and then.

She was still a close friend even though we weren’t in a relationship anymore, and I’d never thought much of that, either, until now .

I hadn’t seen or been interested in anyone since her.

And that was almost eleven years ago. Wow, no wonder Ma, Lyric, and even Theo had been hounding me to get out more.

Clubbing or hook-up apps weren’t my scene.

Maybe I should talk to Atty. He’d always known he was only attracted to guys.

Maybe he could help me with my lack of desire for anyone until now.

Or maybe that was too weird.

Atty and I were the most similar out of the four of us, but that didn’t mean we needed to know about each other’s sex lives—or lack thereof.

I’d had no real desire to be with another person since Emily, and my right hand worked just fine when the need arose.

I felt things stirring when Indy and I were close, but I honestly didn’t even know if my dick still worked with all the pain and medications flooding my body.

Thinking back over my interaction with Indy, there had been a few times where my dick had twitched. Was my body trying to tell me something my mind couldn’t comprehend? I was more than attracted to Indy. Were late-blooming sexual awakenings a thing?

Could I be with a guy?

This was all so weird. I finally fell into a fitful nap. My brain swam with Indy, attraction, and his sunshine smile.

Today was the day. I was going home. I was finally getting back to my life.

Ma and Theo were on their way to pick me up, and I was packing up the last of my stuff when Alfie rolled in. I still couldn’t believe Alfie was thirty.

“Morning! So, today’s the day you’re being sprung! How do you feel?” he asked.

“Mixed feelings.” Alfie had seen me at my worst; he knew I could be gruff.

“Come on. You’ve gotta think of the positives. You’ll finally get to sleep in your own bed and get to eat all the delicious food your Yaya is cooking for you. That’s got to be worth a little positivity, right?”

There was something about his endless optimism, even in light of all that had happened to him, that he could give anyone around him a boost.

“I g-guess you’re right. I’ve been craving Yaya’s slow-roasted lamb for months.”

“Way to make me jealous, dude! I’d love a home-cooked meal or anything other than hospital food,” he said with a breathy chuckle .

“How much longer do you have? Maybe we can host a feast for you when you’re f-ree.” I’d come to value his friendship over the weeks we’d been stuck together. He had a way of growing on you, whether you wanted a new friend or not.

“Not for a while, but I do hope you’ll keep in touch.

Don’t forget about me now that you’re free.

” I caught his forlorn expression before he quickly turned away and moved from his wheelchair to his bed.

I didn’t know much of his story, but no one had come to visit him that I’d seen.

He was so kind and radiated happiness. How could he have no one in his corner?

“There’s no way in the world I could forget about you. My ninety-year-old roomie.” He thought it was hilarious that I’d thought he was elderly just by his hair color. He’d given me grief about it, and I’d ribbed him back just as much.

“I look absolutely fabulous for my age, thank you very much.” He gave me a wink. “You’d be lucky to look this good.”

“Hey, now,” I put my hands up. “I know when I’m beaten. You’re the s-stud of room two sixty-two.”

“And don’t you forget it! But seriously, don’t be a stranger, okay.”

“I p-romise. Some of my appointments are nearby, so I’ll be s-sure to drop in. I might even bring you some Greek treats, if I’m feeling charitable.”

His booming laugh filled the room. “You’re such a tease. You know I’m worth it.” He waggled his white eyebrows .

“That you are. That you are.”

We settled into comfortable silence as I finished packing, ensuring I had everything. Shuffling over to his bed, I rested my butt on the edge.

“Feel free to t-text me whenever you want while you’re stuck here.

Even if it’s to complain about the food.

I’m always happy to listen.” I patted his knee, knowing he couldn’t feel it but respecting his boundaries.

He’d mentioned his injuries and the fact that his legs are still normal legs, even if he couldn’t feel them anymore.

He wanted people to treat him normally, even though he was now a paraplegic.

He seemed to have taken that news in stride, like it was nothing out of the ordinary.

And in the time we’d shared a room, I hadn’t once seen him melancholy or emotional.

He was stronger than I would’ve been in his situation.

“Oh, I will,” he said. “And you can tempt me with all the treats and deliciousness you get to enjoy and will eventually bring me.”

“Count on it.”

“Geiá sou, Sebastian,” Ma said as she strode into the room with Theo close behind.

“Hi, Ma. Theo. You remember Alfie?” I gestured at Alfie as he sent them a radiant smile.

“Of course! How are you doing, Alfie?” Ma asked.

“Very well, thank you, ma’am. I must say you look lovely today,” Alfie responded, ever the smooth talker. He and Lyric were so alike.

“Alfie, you charmer. I’ve told you to call me Kat.”

“Sorry, of course, you look beautiful today… Kat,” Alfie said, winking at Ma.

I had to roll my eyes. Alfie was a total flirt, but really, my Ma? Come on! “That’s enough, s-stud. Leave my ma alone.”

“Well, at least I know there is beauty in your family tree. I couldn’t tell from having to look at you every day, you beast.” He sent me a wink, always happy to give me a hard time.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t be a stranger, okay?” I gave him an imploring look. I would check in on him whenever possible.

“I heard you, and don’t worry, you’ll be sick of me before too long with how often I’m going to text you. Take care of yourself.”

“I will.” Turning, I leaned over Alfie and hugged him. “You take care, too.”

Rising carefully, I headed over to my bed to help grab my bags, but Theo already had them and was holding out my cane.

“Thanks, bro.” I took my cane and made my way to the door. “I’ll be s-seeing you, Alfie.” With a wave and goodbyes from Ma and Theo, we left.

I was going back to what was familiar, my hometown.

The place I’d grown up. But I felt off, like I’d left a part of myself behind.

I wasn’t quite whole. I wasn’t the same person I’d been before being shot.

I reminded myself to breathe and used Levi’s recommended CBT techniques, but I couldn’t shake the foreign feeling in my gut.

I’d changed.