Page 6

quinn

I have to say there really is something kind of nice about starting the school week with advanced science class. There’s something even nicer about the fact JT just walked in with his cousin and immediately took the seat beside me.

Mr Peters hadn’t mentioned anything about having to sit next to our project partners for the rest of term but a quick glance around the class suggests everyone else has paired off. Trey has his arm around the back of Millie Bourke’s chair and part of me wants to roll my eyes at the predictability of that. But I don’t because I’m sitting next to his very lovely cousin, and I have nicer thoughts on my mind.

That nicer part of me also just wants to keep sharing those smiles JT is giving me as he shoots another shy glance my way while pulling out his books and laptop.

“Morning,” I say.

“Hi,” he replies, his voice a little breathy and doing things to me it has no business doing.

I want to keep talking to him. I want to keep him looking at me like that. I want to ask him about his weekend but Mr Peters walks in and that puts that idea to rest. He isn’t one to tolerate a whole lot and I like to keep on his good side.

I share one last sweet smile with the very sweet boy beside me and focus my attention on the teacher. Well, most of my attention. The other half is overtly aware of the very cute boy at my side. Not to mention the way he is currently biting into the tip of his pen.

“Good morning, everyone,” Mr Peters begins, perching on his desk at the front. “I didn’t realise we were filming scenes from Love Island today, Mr Sterling and Ms Bourke. If we could perhaps leave the adult entertainment to behind closed doors?” JT snorts out a laugh while I can’t stop rolling my eyes this time.

Mr Peters continues. “Now I’m sure you all would like some time to work on your class project this morning, but I hate to be the bearer of bad news when I say that you will need to arrange for most of the work to be done outside of class time.”

The class groans but neither JT nor I join in. I note the way he sits up straighter in his seat, flicking a glance my way.

“I promise to schedule in some class time starting next week but for now, please open to page eighty-nine of your textbook.” JT looks at me again and I shoot him a smile, pleased when he returns it, his cheeks slightly flushed and looking far too cute for a Monday morning.

“Can we meet up again tomorrow after school?” JT asks at the end of class.

“Sure,” I readily agree. “Do you want to come to my house again? I can give you a lift if you need.”

“Really?” he asks, that faint flush back on his cheeks. “I mean, only if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind at all,” I smile, wanting to put him at ease for some reason. I swear I am not usually like this but something about JT just makes me a little gooey on the inside, like I want to take him under my arm and look after him.

“Okay then,” he returns, toeing his shoe on the floor. He hasn’t made any attempt to move so I gesture towards the door, surprised when he falls into step beside me. It doesn’t last long, his attention quickly reclaimed by his cousin until he forgets all about me. I leave him behind only to be shocked when he calls out my name.

“Quinn? I’ll seeya tomorrow,” JT says as I glance back at him, sending a flicker of my fingers his way. I see Benson and Eddie ahead and I beeline towards them, kind of relieved to have somewhere to go.

Jace appears in the distance, and he is rushing towards us, excitement on his face that tells me he has news to impart. Jace lives for high school drama, and I cover my smile as he arrives in front of us, face slightly flushed.

“Did you guys hear? Chanel and JT totally hooked up on the weekend,” he gushes. My smile drops and I feel something tighten inside, something I don’t want to investigate too closely. I don’t know why I am surprised by this news but after all those sweet, shy smiles JT just shared with me, I guess I am. I always knew he was straight so I know I should not be concerned that he hooked up with a girl. It was always bound to happen.

“JT the new guy?” Benson asks, scratching his head. Unlike Jace, Benson does not keep up with the who’s who of Evergreen.

“Yep. Quinn’s straight boy crush,” Jace continues, bouncing on his heels.

“I do not have a crush,” I huff, crossing my arms defensively.

“My bad. The boy responsible for Quinn’s sudden, inexplicable interest in basketball then,” Jace presses on.

“Really?” Benson asks, concerned eyes flicking between me and Jace.

“I don’t have a crush. He’s just a friend,” I huff.

“Since when are we friends with the jocks?” Benson asks, confusion on his face.

“Hey, um, go on ahead without me,” I say, suddenly needing to get away so I can breathe. “I’ll meet you outside.”

“You okay?” Eddie asks, hand on my arm before I can bolt.

“Course,” I reply.

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” Jace jumps in, face contrite.

“I’m fine. Honest. I’ll be there in a sec,” I say, not letting anyone say another word before I walk away, beelining for the toilets. I push through the door and lock myself into a cubicle, seriously questioning my response to news that should not have caused me to have any response whatsoever.

Will I never learn?

***

JT is waiting for me at the student carpark the next afternoon, an uncertainty about him that makes me smile even though I don’t want to. I’m so focused on him that I don’t even notice his cousin — standing sentry like his own private security detail. I try not to be annoyed by that.

JT’s face brightens when he sees me, and I really wish he wouldn’t react to me like that. Not after I know he spent the weekend hooking up with Chanel. It’s really not fair to me. But I guess JT doesn’t know what I’ve been thinking about him so I can’t really blame him. He’s just a sweet guy. I wish that didn’t affect me so much.

“Hi,” he says as I arrive at his side.

“Hello,” I return, aware of Trey’s eyes on me as I flick a glance his way. He’s looking at me as though he wants to know my intentions for his darling cousin, but he really needs to let that tough guy act go. I am clearly no threat to his straight, baby-faced cousin.

“You ready to go?” JT asks.

“Sure. Car’s this way,” I reply, nodding in the direction of my electric blue Subaru WRX.

“Call me when you want me to pick you up,” Trey calls, taking JT’s attention from me.

“I can take him home,” I cut in, not sure why I’m trying to stake my claim over his cousin.

“Are you sure?” Trey’s question is for his cousin but his wary eyes are on me.

“Um, yeah, that’s fine with me,” JT says.

“Excellent. Glad that’s settled.” I don’t give Trey another chance to take his cousin away as I set off towards my car. I feel JT at my side, and I grin to myself, taking that as a win.

JT is quiet as we settle into the car but his fingers are all fidgety and there’s another thing I wish I didn’t find so endearing. What is it about this boy that has me feeling this way? This completely unobtainable, very sweet, way too cute, straight boy.

Mum is blessedly home when we arrive and she gushes over JT as we walk through the front door, like a welcome icebreaker.

“Hi, Amy,” JT responds, big, stunning smile on his face and none of those shy nerves on display unlike all his interactions with me. Seriously, what is that about?

“How are you?” she continues.

“Really good. And you?”

“Can’t complain. Want me to make you boys a coffee or a cup of tea?”

“I got it, Mum,” I cut in. She presses a kiss to my cheek and leaves us to it. JT’s shyness returns the instant she leaves the room, and I am now convinced it is about me. I make us both a coffee and then lead him upstairs to my room. JT is nervous as he pulls out his laptop and I don’t know why but I really want to set him at ease. So I call on the one subject that I really don’t want to address but which is very top of mind and hope it does the trick.

“How was your weekend?” I ask casually, leaning back in my chair.

JT pauses on his way to his backpack, something crossing his face that I can’t read. “It was fine,” he says quickly. “How about you?”

“Not as eventful as yours,” I return a little pointedly. JT’s face flushes a light shade of pink as he looks at me, a flicker of surprise there too.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Oh nothing. Just heard the usual school rumours. You know how it goes.”

“No, I don’t know how it goes. What school rumours?” he asks, a hint of panic there now.

“Nothing bad. Just about you hooking up with Chanel,” I say, kind of wishing I’d just kept my mouth shut now. JT’s mouth drops open, a slightly horrified look on his face, and I definitely wish I’d kept my mouth shut now. “Sorry, was I not supposed to say anything?”

“How do you even know about that?”

I shrug. “She’s popular. You’re popular. Everyone seems to love it when hot popular people hookup.”

JT sighs heavily before slumping back in his seat, lines creasing his forehead. “What do people mean when they say they hooked up?”

“Really, JT?” I ask, holding back a laugh.

“Yes, really. What does it mean?”

“Usually it means you had sex of some kind,” I explain, trying to keep the laugh off my face. Not that I find the thought of JT having sex with Chanel very amusing.

“What about just kissing? Is that hooking up?” JT asks, eyes wary.

“Um, I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t think there’s a legal definition.”

He huffs out another breath. I am suddenly intrigued. “Cos that is all that happened with me and Chanel,” he says, unclenching something inside me I hadn’t realised was still clenched. “And it was … well, she wanted more than that but I …”

“Hey, it’s okay, JT,” I jump in. “You don’t owe anyone anything just because they want it.”

“It was worse than that,” he replies, voice small.

“What do you mean?” JT huffs again before rising to his feet, his fists clenched into tight balls. His agitation is clear, and I watch in weird fascination as he slumps back on my bed, trying to ignore the sliver of golden skin as his shirt rises up. His navy and silver tie is loose around his neck and he looks gorgeously dishevelled lying there on my bed.

“Have you ever, like, had any issues when you’re making out with someone?” he asks. His fists are in his eyes, and I can only assume he is trying to avoid eye contact with me.

“What kind of issues?” I ask.

“You know? Issues ,” he repeats, gesturing at his lower half in a way that has my grin rising.

“Are you asking me if I get hard when I kiss someone?” I clarify.

“Yes. That.” His fists are still in his eyes and I’m glad he can’t see how amused I am by him. My gaze drifts down his form, lingering as he looks a little bit too nice there on my bed.

“I can’t say that’s ever been a problem for me. But I’ve also never kissed a girl and I’m pretty certain I wouldn’t be all that into it either,” I tell him, trying to be serious about this as I can tell he’s upset.

“Maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

I don’t like the defeat in his tone as that need to protect him rises in me again. I shift cautiously towards him, sinking onto the bed beside him and leaning on my elbow.

“Do you usually have any problems with that?” I ask gently.

JT huffs out a little laugh. “No.”

Okay, that answers that question as my eyes can’t help but drift to the area currently under discussion where everything looks perfectly fine to me.

I change tack. “Did you want to kiss Chanel?”

He contemplates my question for a moment before he replies, “Not really, no.”

“Do you think you would have kissed her if she hadn’t instigated it?”

“No,” he says, no hesitation this time.

“Maybe it’s just your body’s way of telling you you’re not into her,” I suggest, hoping this is the case but not wanting to project on him either.

“I mean, I should be into her. She’s pretty and she’s nice, isn’t she? But I just don’t feel any attraction to her.”

“Well then, there you go. You can’t force attraction, JT.” He drops his hands, his eyes a little glazed as he looks across at me. I am suddenly aware of the way we are laying on my bed side by side — right where I have pictured him a few too many times these past few nights.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” he asks, voice dipped soft and low. Well, that answers the question of whether he knows I’m gay.

“Not right now.”

“Are you not with Jace?”

My lips curve up in a smile. What does he know about Jace? “No, Jace is not my boyfriend.”

“Really? It kind of seems that way.”

I pin my lips together, interest piqued that he has noticed. “I’m not with Jace,” I clarify anyway.

“What about before? You said no one right now,” he presses. I know I should shut this conversation down, but I don’t want to for some reason, maybe out of some kind of relief about the false rumours about him and Chanel.

So I tell him about Devon, about how we got together last year when he was in year twelve and I was in year eleven. He’s at university now and it’s been four months since I last saw him.

“Why did you break up?” he asks, one distracting hand tracing patterns on my quilt cover. He is perched up on his elbow now too, facing me like I am facing him.

“I guess in the end I realised he wasn’t actually all that nice.”

“Really? Why did you stay with him so long then?”

I raise an eyebrow at him, but he doesn’t seem to be following. Maybe he really is as innocent as he looks.

“I suppose it just started to feel like a series of hookups rather than a relationship and part of me was okay with that. The other part wasn’t so I ended things.”

“And when you say hookups you mean …”

“Yes, sex, JT,” I snort out a laugh.

“But why would you sleep with him if he’s not nice to you?”

I let out a groan as I flop onto my back. This guy. Seriously. “Do you really want me to spell it out for you, JT?”

“Oh,” he says, finally catching on. “You mean you just stayed with him for sex.”

I just shrug, not really wanting to get into those details with JT. I’ve had a few random hookups since I broke up with Devon too but there’s no way I’m telling this to JT. I kind of love how innocent he is because he doesn’t really come across that way, especially given the crowd he hangs out with. Not to mention that cousin of his who has a famously high body count amongst the female population of Evergreen.

“I’m not judging you. It’s just … I’ve lived a very sheltered life,” JT admits cautiously.

“Yeah?”

He pauses, fingers still painting patterns on my quilt. “My family is very religious.”

“Ah,” I say, not totally surprised by that revelation. “What about you?”

JT sighs again. “I am … actually I don’t know what I am. I have some belief — and I want to have belief — just not in the church my parents go to.”

“You don’t go with them?”

“No. I finally put my foot down about a year ago and refused to go anymore. It’s caused a lot of issues in my house,” he says. “But it turns out there’s not actually all that many ways to force a sixteen-year-old into the car each Sunday morning short of physical violence.”

“Did they ever resort to physical violence?”

“No, it never got that bad. But I had to live with months of lectures and psychological warfare. I was so relieved when we moved back here. My uncle and cousins and grandparents live here, and they have always stood up for me.”

“Why did you move back?”

“Ah. Well, um, my dad is actually a pastor in the church. He was asked to go help set up a new outpost in Morlee when I was eight years old, but a senior position became available back here which is why we came home. Everything my family does is about that church.”

“Your dad’s a pastor?”

“Yep.”

“I can see why that might be challenging for you then.”

“You have no idea,” he says, voice turning grim. “They hate that they can’t control me as much here. They do try though. My dad wouldn’t let me get my driver’s licence when I turned sixteen because I wasn’t ‘ responsible enough’ . So I saved up all my money and skipped a day of school to take the test myself. But they won’t let me actually drive to get off my learner’s permit so I’m kind of stuck relying on Trey for lifts everywhere.”

“Shit, JT,” I reply, that little something tugging in my stomach. “I know I don’t have a full licence myself but I can give you lessons if you want. It might have to be in a carpark after hours but it’s better than nothing.”

JT says nothing but his eyes are on me, big and green and full of something I can’t read. “Why would you do that for me?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I just want to help.”

“Yeah. Okay, maybe. That would be great actually,” he finally says.

“Okay,” I reply, that smile tugging at my lips. He smiles back at me and my heart thuds in my chest, and I don’t even try to pretend it doesn’t mean anything anymore. Yeah, I like him. I know it won’t lead to anything but as I told JT earlier, you can’t force attraction, and you certainly can’t deny it when it’s right there in front of you either. He’s surprisingly sweet and kind but there’s a little fire to him too that I can’t help but be drawn to.

I want to know more. I want to know everything. I need to know everything, and I can’t for the life of me work out why.