Page 8

8

AUSTIN

P eople are definitely talking. Of course they are. Calvin and his big mouth. I should have known people weren’t totally minding their business at that stupid party. I shouldn’t have gone.

After we drove back to Vaughn’s house, it was just like it’s always been. We were greeted by his parents, grabbed a snack, and headed up to his room. He didn’t hesitate pulling his t-shirt off and kicking his jeans off before climbing under the covers.

I nearly had to poke my own eyes out to keep from staring at him, but I managed it as I did the same and got under the covers. I tried to keep a distance between our bodies, but Vaughn was having no part of it.

He doesn’t get it.

The stares right now as we walk through the halls, all eyes on us. He doesn’t understand the rumors that have been spread all weekend. But he’s about to because here comes Vanessa, and the worry is written all over her face.

But instead of going straight to Vaughn, she stops right in front of me. “Is it true?”

My throat goes dry, and I lock up. I can deny it. Say that Calvin was drunk—which he was—and just talking shit. Or I can just be honest. But I don’t get a chance to speak because of fucking course, Vaughn is ready. “Is what true?”

He does a pretty good job of sounding like he has no idea what she’s talking about, but her eyes don’t move from mine. “You can tell me. We’re friends, Austin.”

I know she knows too. That the rumor started to make things click. I don’t want to deny it. I’m so damn tired of lying and keeping parts of myself secret. My head starts to nod before I open my mouth. “Yeah.”

I feel Vaughn’s worried eyes on me, and it feels like the whole school is watching, even though I know most people aren’t paying attention to us. I’m not sure how I expected Vanessa to act, but it sure wasn’t her wrapping her small arms around me and pulling me into a hug. “It’s going to be okay.”

I hug her back, but just barely. Vanessa and I are pretty much in the same don’t touch me unless you’re Vaughn club. Always have been, but she’s hugging me. She doesn’t seem mad or freaked-out at all. “Van...”

She pulls back and looks into my eyes. “I should have seen it. I’m sorry you felt like you had to hide it.” She’s keeping her voice quiet, and her eyes scan around the halls as she pulls back a little more. “I’m really sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” I ask carefully. Oh God, does she know about my feelings for Vaughn? Is that pity I see in her pretty eyes.

“I don’t really know,” she says with a watery laugh. “I heard what Calvin was implying, and it just all clicked in my head.” Her voice is a whisper now, and the hallway is noisy with people getting to class. “You never wanted to date, even when I offered to fix you up with my friends, and I should have known.”

I grin. “Lots of people don’t want to be set up with your friends, Van. Doesn’t make them gay.”

She laughs and shoves me in the chest. “Shut up.” She looks over at Vaughn. “So you didn’t know either?”

Vaughn’s perpetual smile fades a bit now, and I hate that. “No.” His eyes meet mine. “He didn’t tell me either.” I can sense the betrayal still there, but he has to understand this wasn’t about him—not really.

“Why not?” Vanessa is looking at me now. “Why didn’t you think you could trust us? We’re your best friends.” She’s next to Vaughn now, and he wraps one arm around her, pulling her protectively into his side. Great. Now I have two of them staring at me like I kicked their puppy.

“It wasn’t about either of you.” I open my locker and try to keep myself busy, switching out books in my bag because looking at them, standing there together, both worried about me, it’s not doing good things to my insides. “It was about this town. And the way we all grew up. I’m not stupid. I know Big Bend isn’t as progressive as the rest of the world.”

Vaughn reaches out and pushes my shoulder. “You know Van and I will always be there for you. It’s not a big deal to us.”

I hang my head and slam my locker door closed. “I know that. But it is to me.” I turn around. “This is my life and who I am. It’s a big deal. And it was mine to tell, and it’s my business, Vaughn.”

I look at him, and yup, there’s that look of deep hurt. “You could have trusted me. I wouldn’t have told anyone.”

“He’s right though,” Vanessa says to Vaughn before looking at me. “I’m sorry. It’s not fair that you were outed before you were ready.”

Damn, she’s cool. I really hate it.

“Aw, so what, are you three a throuple now?” I really hate the jocks at this school. This time, it’s not Calvin but one of his friends—Robbie. Total meathead. Loves to follow the pack.

“Jealous, Robbie?” Vanessa asks, reaching one arm up around Vaughn’s neck and sliding the other around mine. “You want to be in the middle of this delicious man sandwich?”

She waggles her eyebrows suggestively at him, and he turns bright red, stuttering, “Shut up, Vanessa. You know I’m twice the man they are.”

“Not even close. Maybe you’re jealous of Austin because you really want Calvin all to yourself.”

I turn to Vanessa. “Thanks for that, Van.”

She laughs and kisses my cheek. “It was a burn on Robbie. Not you. You can do way better than Calvin.”

“Agreed,” Vaughn says, and I look over at him, a small smile forming on my lips because even though I wasn’t ready for this—maybe I never would have been—but if this is going to be the new normal for the last month of school, I know I’ll be okay.

Van and Vaughn have my back, and I should have known they would.

“So it’s true then?” Robbie looks at me, his face twisted in disgust. “You’re really a... a...”

“Watch the next word out of your mouth,” Vaughn says, stepping forward, and Vanessa’s arm drops off both of our shoulders.

Robbie pales a little when Vaughn approaches. Can’t really blame the guy. Vaughn has that look on his face. “Gay?”

“It’s really none of your fucking business,” Vaughn bites out, and I look over at Vanessa to see if she’s going to pull Vaughn back. But unfortunately, she just looks geared up for a fight also.

“I am,” I say, just having enough of it already. I look around at all the familiar faces that I’ve known since kindergarten and hold my arms out wide. “I’m gay. Always have been. Surprise!”

I feel Vaughn’s heavy hand fall on my shoulder and squeeze, smiling brightly at me before looking out at the small crowd around us. “If anyone has anything to say about it, you can talk to me. I love to talk.”

I shove him away. “Stop.”

Vanessa laughs and wraps her arms around his neck. “I think it’s pretty sexy when you get all macho.” She’s teasing him, but he kisses her anyway, and that’s my cue to get to class.

I appreciate both of them, but I cannot watch them suck face.

It feels pretty good having this one secret out though. I head to class, leaving Vaughn and Van to it, and it does feel lighter in a way—even though I can feel eyes on me.

It doesn’t matter.

There’s no worry about someone finding out about it anymore because everyone already knows.

I hate that in the back of my mind, I wonder where the hell Calvin is today. There’s no way he’s handling this well.

I was right. For sure. It’s been three days, and Calvin hasn’t been at school. It’s not that he loves school or anything, but he does love baseball and all the sports. So him missing practice and knowing he likely won’t get to play in the game on Friday—yeah, that’s a big deal.

Now I just need to convince Vaughn I can handle this part alone. Not an easy task. “Hey, you think Van can give you a ride today?” I ask him as we head out to the parking lot. He doesn’t have practice this evening because he had it this morning—sports are weird.

“What? Why?” Vaughn looks worried, and here we go.

“I just... uh, have something I need to do.”

He stops walking entirely now. “What? What’s wrong?”

“God, Vaughn, we don’t have to spend every minute together.” And when he winces, I feel like a total dick. “Sorry. I just want to go check on Calvin.”

His entire body stiffens now. “What? Why?”

“Because it’s been three days, and he hasn’t been at school. I’m worried.”

“Do you actually like him?” He looks pissed-off, and I can’t decide if it’s because he hates Calvin or if it’s because Calvin is a guy. I don’t want to think that way about my best friend—but he’s straight, and this is Big Bend. No matter how cool he’s playing it, he may not be all that okay with this.

“No. He’s a dickhead.” He looks partially relieved but still concerned. “I just... being outed sucks.”

He seems to think that over for a moment, adjusting his backpack on his shoulder. “But you did kiss him...”

It’s kind of a question and kind of a statement. I’m not sure what he wants from me right now. “You really want to talk about this?” I ask, starting toward my truck again.

I get to the door, and he moves to the passenger side, even though I tried to hint that this is a solo mission. He opens the door and climbs in. I huff and slide behind the wheel but don’t start it up. “I want you to talk to me. And I’m not letting you go see Calvin the dickhead alone.”

I roll my eyes. “I can handle him.” But I start the truck anyway because I’m not going to win this argument.

“So, do you like him?”

I grip the steering wheel and start toward Calvin’s house. “No. Not like that, I don’t. And not in any way. But I know what it’s like to hide who you are. While it made him angry, and he was a total dick to me, I can kind of understand it.”

“I can’t.” Vaughn folds his arms, and I try not to laugh at him, but he’s being ridiculous.

“That’s because you’re the town’s golden boy. Doing everything they deem right .”

He frowns and drops his folded arms. “You know I’m not perfect.”

I laugh and shove him playfully. “Of course I know that. I’m your best friend. But I’m just saying...”

“That you think I’ve had it easy.”

God, not that kicked puppy look again. “Vaughn, I know life is never easy. It’s not that. But being different—in a town like this—it’s hard. And I’m worried about Calvin.”

“Okay,” he says softly. “But did you have to kiss him?”

I laugh at the grossed-out face he’s wearing and punch him in the shoulder again. “He kissed me, asshole.”

“Did you like it?”

I park in front of Calvin’s house and turn the truck off, slowly looking at my best friend. “Do you actually want to know the answer to that?” Because he can’t want to know if the kiss was good.

“Yes,” he says emphatically.

I sigh and look out the windshield because I can’t look at him. “It felt right.”

I can hear his shock. “What?”

I turn to look at him and see he looks horrified. “Remember when Misty kissed me in seventh grade?” He nods his head slowly. “It was nice—but off.”

“You said you liked it.”

“What was I going to say, Vaughn? That I was a thirteen-year-old guy who didn’t feel a thing when a really pretty girl kissed him?”

“If it was the truth, yeah.”

I sigh again and look out the window, past him. “It’s not that simple.”

“But it felt right with Calvin ?” He says his name with disgust.

“Not right like I want him or like I love him. Right like...” I swallow hard and look into his eyes. “Like that thing that was missing with Misty wasn’t missing with him. Like I wasn’t so broken. Because it felt good, until he shoved me and told me he’d kick my ass if I ever told anyone.”

His eyes flash with anger, and I put a hand on his arm to try to calm him. “That fucker.”

I laugh and shake my head. “He’s scared, Vaughn. It’s fear. And it’s not misguided. Fear is a real thing in this situation.”

“Are you scared?”

He looks terrified for me, and it’s devastating. “Not really. I have you,” I say with a smile. “And your fierce as fuck girlfriend.”

That earns a cocky grin. “Yeah, she is pretty great.” And there’s that uncomfortable twist in my stomach, but I try to push it away.

“But Calvin doesn’t have that.” I look at the modest white house on First Street. “I’m not sure he has anyone who’ll have his back.”

His expression is still grim, but he nods and then pulls on the handle to open the door. “Let’s go check on him then.”

I follow, and we walk up to the front door. I see Calvin’s truck is here but no other cars. That’s probably good. I ring the doorbell and wait. It doesn’t take too long before there are heavy footsteps, and then the door tears open. Calvin stands there, darkness under his eyes, and he looks like absolute shit.

Honestly, Calvin is a decent-looking guy—far better-looking than his older brother—but his attitude makes him ugly. “Why the fuck are you here?”

“Watch it. He’s here as a friend,” Vaughn says.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” I say carefully, my eyes roaming over him and telling me he’s so not okay.

“I’m fine. Leave me the fuck alone.”

“Calvin—” He starts to shut the door in my face, but I stop it with my hand. “I know this sucks.”

“You don’t know shit. No one knows anything.”

“They don’t, and it’s none of their business.” His jaw ticks, and he stands there, beet red and angry. “I’m sorry that happened. It wasn’t right, and it sucks that everyone is talking about it. But it will pass.”

“Yeah, Mrs. Johnson has a brand-new baby lamb, and people were pretty excited about that today,” Vaughn says, and I can’t help but smile at my best friend.

Calvin—not so much. “I don’t need you two assholes trying to make me feel better. I’m fine. You need to leave.”

He looks around nervously, and I look behind me, seeing that no one is around. “Where are your parents?”

His eyes narrow on mine. “It’s Wednesday. Mom’s at church. Dad’s at the bar.”

I nod. Pretty typical around here. “If you ever want to talk...”

“I don’t,” he says, and I step back so he can slam the door in our faces.

“Dickhead,” Vaughn says, and then we both walk down the steps and back to my truck.

“We don’t know what his home life is like, Vaughn, but I can guess.”

“Yeah. Maybe,” he says as he hops into the truck. “Let’s go to my place. I have some chemistry homework I really need some help with or Mrs. Anders is going to flunk my ass.”

I snort and start up my truck, pulling out of the driveway. “Don’t worry. I’ll save you.”

He’s beaming at me now, and I have to look away.

One secret down.

One more to go.