Page 7

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VAUGHN

I don’t know what the hell is going on—or maybe I just don’t want to. What did Calvin mean by that? Why was he so worried that Austin told me something? And why is Austin so upset?

It’s like... I know the truth... deep inside, but I don’t want to face it, so when Austin directs me into the truck and gets behind the wheel, I just follow numbly. Climbing into the passenger seat, we’re both silent until he gets on the highway toward our houses.

Calvin is a prick. And maybe I wouldn’t have picked up on anything he was saying without saying it if it weren’t for the way Austin looked. Like someone punched him in the gut. I’ve never seen my best friend look so pale and sickly.

“Tell me,” I say quietly, but Austin remains silent. I turn to look at him as he drives, the moon the only light in the cab, but I can see him. His blond hair is mussed, and his eyes are focused on the road. “Talk to me, Austin,” I plead with him because I don’t care. I don’t. I just need him to trust me enough to talk to me. Always.

He says nothing, but he does flick his blinker on and turns off on a dirt road. He pulls over to the side and parks, looking at me, but staying totally silent. He shakes his head, and I can see his chin trembling.

Is he afraid?

“Austin...” My voice is quiet, but he shakes his head and then climbs out of the truck. No way I’m letting him get away. So I scramble out, nearly falling but catching myself, and slam the door, following after him as he walks down the dirt road. “Stop.”

He swings around, his eyes on me. “What do you want to know?”

I stop walking, and he remains still, his eyes locked on mine as I try not to mess this up. It makes sense—if I was really paying attention to it. It makes perfect sense. How did I miss it? “You know what I want to know. Tell me.”

“You need me to say it?” He takes a step into me.

“Yes.” I take a step closer to him. I know I’m not the brightest, but I should have picked up on this.

“Why?” He shakes his head, looking so lost. I just want to pull him into a big hug and never let him go. He has to know I have his back.

“Because you’re Austin. You’re my best friend. And we don’t keep secrets.”

He snorts dismissively at that, but I don’t take it personally.

“At least I don’t.”

His shoulders drop, and his eyes narrow. “That’s not fair. This is different.”

“How?”

His laugh isn’t his real laugh. It’s ironic and sarcastic—not a laugh. “Because this is Big Bend. Because you’ve seen it with Benny. With Dallas.”

Him mentioning the two guys in our school who have recently come out pretty much cements that I’m not wrong to assume. “I won’t let anyone treat you bad.”

“Vaughn.” He takes a deep breath and lets it go, but I don’t think he feels any more relieved. “You have to stop trying to protect me. He’s right. I’m not yours to protect.”

I step into him now, grabbing his arm, but not too hard, just enough to keep him looking at me. “Bullshit.”

“I’m gay, Vaughn.” He looks up at me. “And I hate it here. I can’t wait to leave. It’s torture being here.”

My heart squeezes tightly in my chest as I think about what he’s telling me. What I’ve known for a long time—at least the hating it here part. “We’re going to college. You’re going to get out of here.”

His chin drops, and his eyes are on the ground. “I am.”

Why won’t he look at me?

“I don’t care that you’re gay. Do you really think that matters to me? Who cares if you’re into guys instead of girls? I should have picked up on that. But why didn’t you tell me?”

It’s not fair to feel so betrayed, I’m sure, but I do. We tell each other everything.

“It’s Big Bend,” he says as if it’s an answer, and he still won’t look at me. It’s bothering me more than it should. What other secrets is he keeping?

“So? I don’t care about that shit. Benny’s my friend.”

“Not your best friend.” His eyes finally meet mine, and I can see they’re shimmering with tears he hasn’t shed. “Your friend who you cuddle with and sleep in bed with. Who you tell everything to. It’s different.”

“Yeah. It is.” He looks hurt for a moment, and I kind of want to strangle him. “That means I’ll have your back, no matter what, and you can trust me. Always. You know that. How could you keep this from me?”

“I didn’t want you to hate me.” His voice is so quiet, I nearly miss it.

I pull him into a hug, holding him tight. “And I thought I was the moron in this friendship.”

That finally gets a little laugh from him, and I smile. He hugs me back, and I hear him sniffle. “It changes things.”

“No.” I hug him tighter, breathing in his familiar scent, letting it ground me. “It doesn’t.” I pull back enough to look into his eyes. “It doesn’t, Austin.”

“I’m gay, Vaughn. You’re really going to tell me you’re fine sleeping in the same bed with me? Calvin is a ticking timebomb. It’s only a matter of time before the rest of the town knows. You think it won’t be embarrassing for you to hug me in public? People will talk.”

“Let them,” I say firmly because I really don’t give a shit about that. I’m not gay. I have a girlfriend. But if people want to talk, it’s not really my problem.

He pushes out of my hold and takes a step back, looking at me like I’m naive. “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. You don’t see the world...” He stops, and I take a step closer.

“Like what? I don’t see the real world?”

He sighs. “No. You see the best. You’re an optimist, and I like that about you, but sometimes that’s dangerous. It wasn’t easy for Dallas. He ran, and he was right to. Benny—he’s something else entirely.”

“Benny is fine and happy. I just want you to be happy. It’s clear that keeping this secret was making you miserable. I don’t get it.”

“I know you don’t.”

“So tell me,” I say, finding a large tree trunk that fell over at some point. It’s sturdy enough to sit down on, so I do, and I pat the spot next to me for him to join. Thankfully, he does. “What happened with Calvin?”

“He kissed me.” I grimace, and Austin picks up on it. “Seriously? Squeamish already, hearing about two guys kissing?”

I shove his arm but grab him when he nearly falls over the large tree. “I made that face because it’s Calvin. Fucking gross. You can do better.”

He studies me carefully, looking into my eyes, and then seems satisfied that I’m not lying to him. I’m not, for the record. I don’t care about two dudes kissing. Kiss who you want, when you want, I say. I just can’t believe he doesn’t know me better than that.

“It was once. I was waiting for you after football practice and got mouthy with him. Wanted him to go the fuck away, but he got worked up and wound up kissing me.”

Hot rage flows through my blood, thinking about Calvin’s lips on Austin. “I’ll kill him.”

“Jesus.” He shoves my arm, but I don’t move, thanks to hours of lifting weights and years of sports. “You have learned nothing.”

“Not true. Learned my best friend is gay and apparently has terrible taste in men tonight. I think I learned a lot.”

“Shut. Up.” He smiles—and it feels like I can actually breathe again when I see that. He nudges me, and I pull him into me, letting his head rest on my shoulder.

“Nothing changes,” I say firmly and hold onto him just as hard.

“Vaughn . . .”

“No,” I say quickly. I guess I can understand why he’d think I’d want things to change. That I’d be freaked-out about being half naked and sharing a bed with him when I know he’s into guys. But even being a meathead, I know gay guys don’t want to bang every guy they see.

He doesn’t see me like that. We’re best friends. We’re still Austin and Vaughn.

“Let’s go to my house. We can watch a movie and hang out until we fall asleep.”

He lifts his head and looks at me, weary and broken. I hate that. I want the smile back. “You know it can’t be like this forever, right?”

I stare at him, confused by that. Because as far as I’m concerned, nothing is ever going to change. Nothing needs to change. But I’m tired of arguing with him.

I nod and stand up to take his hand to lead him back to the truck.

Because I’ll just have to show him.