Page 18

18

AUSTIN

O kay, this is no big deal. Not at all. Just my best friend, who I’ve been in love with forever, is coming to my dorm tonight to maybe kiss me again. No reason to be freaking the fuck out.

Right?

I think I might have hit my head or something last week and I’m just imagining it. That has to be it. But when I talked to Vaughn this week—and I mean every single time I talked to him, whether it was a video chat or texting—he mentioned how much he couldn’t wait to kiss me again.

He has to be messing with me, except Vaughn doesn’t do that. He’s not one to play games—ever. He wears his heart on his sleeve. That’s just the way he is, but I still can’t seem to grasp that he wants to kiss me. Maybe even more than kiss me.

I saw the anger on his face when I suggested maybe this was a rebound or he was just lonely, but maybe he doesn’t even realize that’s what this is. Can I really go along with this if it is?

Can I kiss him and touch him? Have him for a brief moment in time before he moves on to his actual happily ever after?

I’m a selfish idiot because I think I can. I mean, it’ll absolutely kill me—no doubt about it. But I don’t think I’m strong enough to turn down this opportunity. One thing I know for sure though is I can’t get lost in it.

In the fantasy that he’s in love with me too. I swear that’s actually what he was going to say before I stopped him, and I just can’t let that happen. It’s a rule I have to stick to. No great declarations of love. And even though I’m even more sure, now that we’ve been apart, that I’m actually in love with him, I can’t let him say that to me.

I can’t get swept up, or I’ll never come back from it.

This is just me being selfish—indulging—and maybe we’ll both get something great from it. He’ll get his rebound and his confidence back. And maybe I’ll gain some confidence and get to explore my sexuality with someone I love and trust.

It’s a win-win really.

I hope.

I don’t get to sit and think too much longer about it, thank God, because there’s an excited knock on my door, and I leap off my bed to answer it. Vaughn is standing there, his bag over his shoulder, a State hoodie covering his long torso. That beautiful grin on his face. “Still want to kiss me?” I ask, my voice hoarse.

His grin kicks up even more as he moves gracefully inside my dorm, letting the door fall closed behind him and wrapping his arms around my waist. His lips meet mine with a hunger and intensity I never could have imagined.

I moan into his mouth, opening for him, letting his tongue sweep inside and own me as I wrap my arms around his neck. “I’ve missed you,” he says against my lips and then goes right back to kissing me so hard, I’m left breathless and aching.

He clings to me, turning his head to look around the room. “Evan already left for the weekend,” I supply.”

“Good.” He drops his bag and then lifts me up without much warning, and I wrap my legs around him, ready to let him do whatever he wants to me. I revel in his strength as he carries me to my bed, letting me fall onto it but covering my body with his, never breaking the kiss.

I rush to get his hoodie off over his head and toss it to the floor, my hands roaming all over his body, under his t-shirt and over the muscles of his back. I need to talk to him. We should use words, but I can’t think.

He really does make me dumber. I wish that bothered me more.

I’m thinking of words to say, but then he sucks on my tongue so hard, it makes my cock jerk against the denim of my jeans... and this is fine. We can talk later.

I rip his shirt off and start kissing down his neck to his chest, while my hands run over his insane torso. “God, you’re too perfect.”

“Have you seen you?” he pants as he moves his hands down to the hem of my shirt, guiding it up and off me. He leans back on his shins, looking at me like he could eat me alive.

“You’re really not freaked-out, are you?”

He cocks a brow at me, his big hand sweeping down over my chest, swirling his fingers over my belly button and down the light trail of hair there. “Why would I be?”

I try not to laugh at him. He sounds so sincere, and I know he is. His muscles are pulled tight, making all his veins pop and bulge with each breath. I want to lick them.

So I do. I lean up and lick along the very prominent vein in his bicep. He groans, sounding pained, and I can’t help but notice the bulge in his jeans. We match.

“You sure about this, Vaughn?” I have to ask him, even though I don’t want to stop. No part of me wants to stop and talk right now—another first for me.

“What do I have to do to convince you?”

I lick my lips, my eyes roaming over his torso. He has more chest hair than I do, but considering I have next to nothing, that’s not too difficult. But I love the dusting of light hair between his pecs, my hand moving up his solid abs and brushing through the hair.

“I wanna suck you,” I blurt out, and I watch his pupils dilate and his jaw flex with tension before he nods his head almost comically. It would be funnier if I wasn’t so horny.

I flip us—mostly just me signaling that I want to switch positions—until he moves his body under mine and I’m between his legs. Okay, Austin, no getting lost in this. It’s sex. Rebound sex. Experience.

It’s okay. You can do this.

My hand is trembling, though, as I trace the trail of dark hair from his belly button to the top of his jeans with my finger. But Vaughn is Vaughn, and he notices instantly, his hand going to my wrist to stop the movement. “We don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.”

“I’m ready,” I say, my voice husky and quiet but certain. “I’m so damn ready for this. You have no idea.”

He grins at me. “I have some idea.” He looks down at his cock, hard and pushing against the denim of his jeans, begging to be freed. “I got tested after Vanessa and I broke up. I don’t think she actually cheated on me, but I just wanted to be sure.”

I lick my lips, staring at the impressive bulge in his jeans. I nod my head absently, knowing he’d never put me in harm’s way. “I’ve never been with anyone. I mean one kiss...”

I meet his eyes, feeling a little pathetic, but all I see in his eyes is untamed lust. “So we’re good to go then.”

I take a deep breath, my hands going to the button of his jeans, flicking it open. “We are.”

He helps me get his jeans and his briefs off. It takes some effort because he’s really hard. I’ve only seen dicks other than mine when I’ve watched porn, but I can confidently say that Vaughn’s is the prettiest dick on the planet. Long and thick with a vein running through it. Flared at the tip and swollen with desire. He’s leaking, and I can’t help but whimper when I see the drop of precum forming at his slit.

“I’m dying here, Austin.” He wiggles a little underneath me, and it does funny things to my insides, thinking about this strong, confident man being putty in my hands. It’s a heady feeling.

“I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Anything you do will feel good, but I think I’d like it more if you were naked.”

My eyes flick up to his face, seeing again that he’s totally sincere. I have to admit a part of me thought he would want me to keep my clothes on. That maybe a blowjob from a guy wouldn’t be so bad for a straight guy because he could pretend...

But I should’ve known better. Vaughn would never do that. He’s all-in on this, whatever this is.

I stand up and quickly remove all my clothes, his eyes never leaving me. And when they settle on my hard cock—which will make it impossible for him to miss that I’m a guy—I only see stark desire there. Want.

He wants me. My body. This is actually happening.

I climb back between his legs, and my eyes settle on his cock, which is, if possible, even harder than it was before. I feel a little dizzy, like I can’t believe this is actually going to happen.

“Hey, look at me.” His voice grounds me, and I do what he says, his dark-blue eyes shining with care. He may not be in love with me for real, but he does care about me, that much I know for sure. “We don’t do anything you don’t want to.”

I take the moment to wrap my hand around his thick shaft and watch his entire body tense with pleasure. “I want.” I stroke him slowly, using his precum to make the glide easier. “I want this so damn badly.”

I watch as he tips his head back, his abs and pecs flexing as I work him over slowly, playing with the grip, making it a little tighter and watching his response. “Yes. Like that.”

The tendons in his neck are pulled tight, and he’s so sexy like this. Taking his pleasure. I want to make this good for him, but I believe him when he says I am.

I lean forward a little, still holding onto his hard cock and lick along the vein. I swear he nearly jolts off the bed, his hips thrusting forward. I did that. Me. No one else. My own cock is leaking, and I can’t stop myself from rutting against the bed while I take the tip of him into my mouth and suck. I’m met with a burst of flavor that’s new but not unpleasant.

Not at all. I close my eyes and suck on him, tasting the evidence of him enjoying this as I thrust against the mattress in blind lust. I have Vaughn’s cock in my mouth. This is really happening.

“Fuck, Austin.” He’s panting, and his fingers slide through my hair, but he doesn’t push more of himself inside me. “I’m so close already. I’m not going to last.”

That’s probably a good thing because my muscles are pulled tight, my cock leaking, and my body is on autopilot. I’m going on pure instinct as I lick and suck his cockhead, wanting to take more of him into my mouth but also wanting to take my time and explore.

I stroke him with my hand and take a little more than an inch at a time, reveling in his big hand in my hair. He’s threading his fingers through the strands and holding onto me. Like he needs us to be connected in more ways than one.

It’s all too damn much and not enough at the same time.

My balls are pulled up tight against my body, and when he curses, tugging on my hair, it’s all over for me. I pull off his cock and cry out his name as I lose it against the bed, my cum covering the comforter below us.

“Oh fuck,” Vaughn says. “Open your mouth.”

I’m wrung out and can barely move, but I manage to do that just in time as his hand wraps around mine, which had previously stopped moving. He strokes himself until his cum is spurting into my mouth and on my cheeks and my chin. He makes a mess, and it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced—porn or otherwise.

I swallow what managed to get into my mouth, loving the flavor of him as he wrings out the last of his cum and collapses back on the bed. I lay my head on his thigh and breathe deeply, trying to catch my breath and not caring about the sticky mess.

“You look wrecked.” He says it so fondly, and I feel his hand in my hair again.

I gaze up at him. “Can’t move.”

“Come here,” he says softly, and okay fine, I’ll move for him.

I’m surprised when I climb up his strong body, though, because his lips immediately meet mine. He’s not freaked-out by the taste of his own release. If anything, it makes him kiss me harder, and he licks my chin and my cheeks, making me cackle.

“Are you cleaning me?”

“Someone had to. You’re a mess.” His voice is throaty and sexy as hell before he kisses me again, both of us sharing his release.

“We should change the sheets and get cleaned up for real,” I say, but I’m not looking forward to doing that in the communal shower.

“See, should have gotten your own place,” he says, smacking my bare ass with his big hand.

“Hey.” I rub the sore spot with my hand and laugh. “No one told you to be a total jock and live in the jock dorms.”

He laughs too, and we climb up, finding some tissues to take care of some of the mess before we sneak into the showers and quickly rinse off. He wanted to join me in my stall, but I had to put my foot down.

When we get back to the room, we change the sheets, laughing the whole time. It’s light and fun—what we’ve always had—but it’s more too. I try to remind myself for the hundredth time not to get too lost in it all.

But it feels almost impossible. We go out to eat, and then when we get back, we fall into bed together, kissing and touching but not going further. Not really needing to.

Warning bells are going off in my head, but I try to convince myself that it’ll all be okay anyway.

Because a bigger part of me really needs this, no matter what the fallout brings.