Page 11

11

VAUGHN

“ V aughn Montgomery.” I walk toward the principal while the crowd around us cheers, my heart totally full as I accept the piece of paper, which apparently, isn’t my actual diploma but is supposed to represent it.

I shake the principal’s hand and then look out at the crowd, fixing my eyes firmly on Austin, who’s clapping and cheering loudly, even though he’s next in line. I wink at him and then head off the stage to clap like crazy when the principal calls out, “Austin Pierce.”

We’re high-school graduates.

We all toss our cardboard hats in the air. My arms wrap around Austin in a tight hug as we all cheer loudly. On to the next step. Vanessa finds me and lays a kiss on my lips, and then we all head out to our own graduation parties.

I’ll see Vanessa tomorrow, so I’m sure to give her another kiss. But Austin and I rode here together, so he drives us to my house, where our parents decided to throw us a joint graduation party—because why fight that?

I have a feeling my mom knew I’d totally ditch my own party to go to Austin’s and probably vice versa, though Austin plays it cooler than I do. After the party is over though, I grab the tent from the garage and put it in the back of my truck.

Mom packed up a lot of food from the party and hands it to me in a cooler. “You boys have fun.”

“We will,” we singsong on our way out to the truck.

When we get out to our spot, near the pond at the back of the property that’s surrounded by trees, we make quick work of putting up the tent. We’ve done this so many times, I think we could both do it blindfolded by now.

We set up a nice fire with two camping chairs side by side just as the sun starts to set behind the trees. “Man, I’m going to miss this,” I say as I look at the orange and pinks of the sky.

“Me too.”

I turn my head to look at him because he sounds a little sad. “You okay? I thought you’d be overjoyed today, but you’ve been pretty quiet.”

“I’m always quiet. You’re loud enough for the both of us,” he teases, and I grin, looking back at the sunset.

“True, but why aren’t you happier?”

“Because I have to tell you something.”

My blood runs cold, something in his tone says this isn’t a good thing he has to tell me. I turn to look at him slowly, noticing the crease between his brows. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s not bad. At least, not really. You’re going to think it is at first, but you have to trust me...”

“Spit it out,” I say, my panic rising as he just babbles on. Which is so not like Austin to do.

His eyes are full of worry as he licks his lips and then lets out a heavy, worry-filled breath. “I’m not going to State.”

My brow furrows, and what the hell is he talking about? “What do you mean? You have to go to college. You’re the smartest person I know.”

“I am going to college.” I cock my head to the side, trying to figure out what’s going on. “Just not State. I’m going to KU instead.”

“What?” I feel frozen, totally unable to think or move. My brain doesn’t seem to be catching up to what he’s saying because... he can’t be saying that.

“When did you decide that?”

“I was accepted to both, and I wasn’t totally sure until a couple of months ago.”

“Both?” I ask, totally dumbfounded. He didn’t tell me. He was keeping more secrets from me?

“I’m sorry, Vaughn . . .”

I stand up from the chair, my heart in my throat because I don’t understand how he could lie to me so much. I thought we told each other everything. Hiding his sexuality from me, I’m trying to understand, but this? This makes no sense to me.

“Why?” I spin around to face him, seeing he’s standing right behind me.

“Because I need to do this on my own. It’s not that far away. Two-hour drive.”

He says that like it’s nothing. “Four hours from home.”

He looks stricken with guilt now, and I hate it. Hate that he won’t just talk to me. “This doesn’t really feel like home to me.”

“What?” I feel like that’s all I’m able to say. “How can you say that?”

“Because it’s true, and I know I owe you the truth.”

“Yeah, for once.” I don’t feel great about saying that, but it’s true. He’s been lying to me for months.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that,” I command, and he plops back down in his chair, pushing his fingers through his hair, looking far too defeated for my liking. I sit down next to him again. “Why can’t you go to the same college as me?”

“Because we do everything together.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

I watch him take his time with his answer. Being careful. I hate that. “It can be.” I wince, and his eyes meet mine. “I need to do this alone.”

“Why? So you can date? You can date with me around. I’ll be totally cool. I swear.”

He snorts a quick laugh at that, but he’s not laughing at me. At least I don’t feel like he is. “It’s not that. I just... I need some space.”

“From me?” It feels like he’s sliced my heart in half, and it makes it hard to breathe. I’m so damn confused. “Where did this all come from?”

“It’s been there for a while.” He won’t look at me now, instead looking out over the sky.

“Austin, look at me.” He does but so very slowly. “Did I do something?”

“No,” he answers instantly, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. “You didn’t. Of course you didn’t. You’ve been the best friend a guy could ask for. You’ve been amazing.”

“But yet, you still want to get away from me.”

“No. It’s not about that, Vaughn.”

“You said you need space from me.” I try not to sound hurt, but I know I failed.

“I need space from everything. I need to go to college and have my own experience. Figure out exactly who I am, away from here. That’s what college is about. At least it is to me.”

“You’re Austin.” I say it like it’s the most simple answer, and to me, it is. He’s my best friend. Who loves to read and hates sports. Who secretly loves horror movies, even though he tells everyone they’re stupid. His favorite color is dark green, and I think it’s because it makes his eyes pop. He loves to swim, and when we were younger, I used to have to bribe him to do anything else in the summer.

“I am, but I need to figure out who I am when I’m not here, and who I am without...”

“Me,” I answer for him because I could feel it coming.

He nods his head slowly, and I feel like I’m going to puke. I fold my arms over my stomach and hope I don’t actually hurl. “It’s not going to change anything. We’ll always be friends. It’s two hours away, Vaughn. I’ll come see you, and you can come see me.”

“Everything will change.” I’m not the smartest guy, but I know that much.

“It won’t. I promise you.” He looks so serious, like he believes that.

“Are you sure you have to do this?”

His eyes search my face and roam over my eyes before he slowly nods his head. “I have to. I didn’t know how to tell you, but it doesn’t mean I wanted to keep it from you. I just didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Okay,” I say, my throat actually aching. “If this is what you need, then I understand.”

“Thank you,” he says softly and then pulls me into a hug. I hold onto him probably a hell of a lot tighter than is comfortable for him.

But the lie burns my insides.

Because I’m anything but okay right now, and I don’t understand a damn thing.