Page 33 of Double Dirty

That’s what Rafe and Leo were to me, my miracle.

So when Leo suggested we exchange rings, I thought it was sweet. A nice gesture, but one I didn’t really need. Still,when he said Pedro had the rings ready, I picked up a cake from the grocery store, and a bottle of sparkling wine just so we could celebrate, make it an occasion.

I kind of hoped no one read a poem or anything. Because I loved the idea of the commitment, but I felt a little bit like Leo was making a big deal out of this for my benefit, like I needed a ceremony or a secret handshake to make me feel like I was part of the family. I knew it deep down already. They’d kept vigil at my bedside. They’d taken me to depositions and doctor’s appointments and taught me what it was to be supported and nurtured and wanted, really, deeply wanted. The acceptance they’d shown me was unlike anything I’d ever known. It came with a bone-deep trust I had in Leo and Rafe. I could be vulnerable with them and silly with them and cuss a blue streak over Call of Duty with them. So the rings were kind of an afterthought for me, a formality on top of all the more meaningful parts of the relationship we’d formed together.

When I got home, I showered and changed. I felt the need to put on a dress. Not a wedding gown or something stupid, but a sundress with little yellow flowers on it. I put the cake out on a nice plate and set the table with it in the middle. I wondered whether I should put a candle on it, or three candles like one for each of us. I decided candles were overkill. I wondered if I was fussing too much, but Rafe came in with flowers. They were pink roses, a dozen of them.

“Wow. Here, I’ll get a vase,” I said.

“I had the stems wrapped. I didn’t know if you wanted to, I don’t know, hold them or something.”

He shrugged, looking a little sheepish that he’d tried to buy me a bridal bouquet. I smiled, touched by the thought, and kissed his cheek. Then I got a jar to put them in and setto work cutting the ends off the stems. When I was done, I went to find him. He came out of his room in jeans and a button-down white shirt, looking as dressed up as I’d ever seen him and handsome.

I held out a pink rosebud to him, “I trimmed it so you could wear it. Like, you know, a boutonniere,” I said shyly. He took it and thanked me. Then we both looked around and couldn’t find a pin or anything to stick it on his shirt with.

“Do you have a jacket? Like a suit jacket? That would have a buttonhole for it.”

“Nope. But I can find some way to stick it on here. Do you have one for Leo?”

“Yeah, I think the flowers are beautiful. I guess I’m getting excited. Is that dumb?”

“Excited to spend your life with us? No, I think that’s how you’re supposed to feel. It’s how I feel about it,” Rafe said.

I felt myself relax a little. It wasn’t weird to them that I was so happy, so enthusiastic about it. The flowers weren’t too much. My feelings and my hope weren’t too much for Rafe and Leo. I wasn’t going to be rejected or met with scorn. No one was going to laugh into their sleeve because I wanted them to wear a flower or that I put on a dress or made a big deal out of things. It was humbling to feel so accepted, to know deep down that they were never going to reject me or send me away when I’d had a life of nothing but that, a life of trying so hard to be perfect just to win approval, just to persuade someone, anyone to let me stay.

Leo came out of his room in a full-on suit like he was going to Sunday school. His hair was slicked back. He looked so dressed up and so handsome. I couldn’t help but smile.

“I didn’t even know you were home!” I said.

“Hell yeah. I took off half a day so I could get ready,” Leo said, “I ain’t half-assing this. You’re getting the whole ass.”

Leo grinned, his brash humor making me run to him and hug him. We all laughed, because he really was hilarious, but it was the warmth, the connection we all shared that really melted my heart.

“So I thought we’d stand over here by the window because it faces west and, you know, sunset,” Leo said.

“Really? I thought we’d go on the deck out back,” Rafe said.

I bit my lip. They’d both really thought about this. They took it seriously. Both of them looked at me.

“So, it looks like you’re the tiebreaker. Where do you want to have this?” Rafe said.

I shrugged, “I’m happy with either place. Whatever works for you.”

“Okay, traditional method of decision making deployed,” Leo said, his face solemn.

I had a fleeting idea they might be about to beat the shit out of each other in some ritual tiebreaker from their teen years. I didn’t know if I should intervene and make the decision to prevent bloodshed or if interfering would just annoy them. I waited for a second to see what they’d do.

“Fine,” Rafe sighed heavily, “Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot!”

I watched, dumbfounded, as the two hottest alpha males I’d ever known reverted to a playground contest to decide the location of our commitment ceremony.

“Shit!” Leo said. “You always win.”

“Don’t you dare call me a cheater. We’re going to the deck,” Rafe said, “And never forget: Paper covers rock.”

I snorted, failing to contain my laughter. I couldn’t help thinking no one could have ever had this much fun at a regular wedding. I gave my hand to Leo, took the arm Rafe offered and walked out to the deck. It was pretty, the golden sunset light bathing everything in a soft glow.

“Before we begin,” Leo said. “I have brought a gift for us all to share.”