Page 24 of Double Dirty

“Since when are you that easy to boss around?” he said. “She’s out having tests right now. I don’t understand half what they’ve told me, except that they really don’t know anything yet about what caused this or if she’ll be okay.”

I got to my feet and told the woman I was needed in cubicle six. I was buzzed in and made my way back there. It was freezing cold. There was a terrible quiet back there after the roar of televisions and phone conversations in the waiting area.

Rafe paced the length of a small curtained area. He was carrying Lexi’s purse.

“What are you doing with that?” I said.

“They offered to put it in a safe for her, for when she needs it, but I kept thinking, what if she wakes up and wants her lip balm,” he said, clearly needing something to keep his mind occupied.

“She’s hooked on the cherry lip balm, I know,” I said. I took it from him and set it on a chair. I stood in front of him, not knowing what to do.

“Jesus, Leo, she wouldn’t wake up,” he said, his voice fierce.

“It has got to be Watts. I wish I’d killed him,” I said, and I meant it. I, who had never considered taking a life. I spentmy time saving lives, not ending them. Right then, I would’ve traded my soul for a chance to go back and kill the son of a bitch who put Lexi in the hospital.

“She was just found in her office unresponsive. She had a coffee cup with her. They think she ingested something. I don’t know how they figured it out or how someone would’ve been able to mess with her coffee. She wasn’t even really much of a coffee person.”

“Isn’t, goddammit, Rafe. She isn’t, not she wasn’t. She’s not gone,” I said. I needed to believe it, to make him believe it too.

He just nodded, and we took turns sitting in the single plastic chair while we waited.

“If she comes out of this, I’ll do anything,” I said.

“Give up meat and go vegan? Become a priest?” Rafe teased.

“I doubt they’d have me in holy orders, but I could be a tofu eating celibate if I had to.”

“Yeah, for about a week. What would be the temptation that took you down? Meatball subs or women?”

“Lexi, for damn sure,” I said ruefully.

“I’d give anything for her to pull through this,” Rafe said suddenly.

“Anything? Me, too.”

“I’d give her up to you. I wouldn’t even hesitate if that was the cost,” Rafe said.

“So would I. Or I’d just let her go. Let her live her life without me, without you. Never see her again as long as she was okay, as long as it was what she wanted.”

“Exactly.”

“It won’t work, will it? Offering God or the universe anything down to our lives—it won’t buy her a minute,” I said grimly.

Rafe clapped me on the back. I think it was meant to be comforting, but we just weren’t the hugging type.

I stood and paced, let him have the chair. It seemed to go on forever. At last, someone came in, a guy with an LPN tag.

“The toxicology report is back, and the patient is being set up in ICU now. Dr. Cavanaugh will be in to speak with you in a few minutes,” he said.

“Thank you,” Rafe said.

I couldn’t speak for a minute. Then I looked at him.

“ICU?” I said.

“At least she’s still alive.”

“Yeah,” I said faintly. “Anything that she might survive. Did she, has she been awake?” I said.