Page 32 of Double Dirty

We danced until we were sweaty and tired, and she took off her shoes and set them on the table.

“They were beautiful, and they were fun, but they hurt like hell. I don’t know whether to donate them back to Goodwill for some other poor idiot to buy and suffer in or if I should just give them a decent burial in the bathroom trash,” she said.

“Oh, you should keep those,” Rafe said, “They’re dead sexy. Here’s a deal: You keep those shoes, wear them once in a while, and I’ll carry you anywhere you want to go while you have them on.”

“I’ll agree on one condition. You have to carry me to the car now. Because I’m not putting those back on tonight!” she said.

Rafe rounded the table and scooped her up right off the chair. She laughed, kicking her bare feet. I picked up her shoes and paid the tab. Once we were in the car, I joked that I got the shitty end of that deal.

“You got the girl, and I got the bill.”

“Yeah, but you got to dance with her all night and I had to drink water and be your designated driver,” Rafe said.

“Fine, fair enough,” I said, “but I want to talk to you both when we get home.”

“Is this a serious talk?” Lexi said, “Cause those make menervous.”

“You have nothing to worry about. It’s nothing bad. I just want everyone’s full attention when we discuss it.”

“Okay, not making me less nervous here, pal,” she said a little shakily. I took her hand and kissed it.

Once we were in the house, I sat them down on the couch to talk.

“Here’s the thing,” I said.

“Uh oh, he’s announcing the thing. There’s going to be a thing,” Rafe said.

“Guys, this is serious,” I said.

They both snapped to attention, sat quietly and listened.

“Thank you. Now, Lexi, Rafe and I have been like brothers for most of our lives. We both make enough money that we don’t have to share a house if we didn’t want to. We chose to live together, split the bills, because we like hanging out. And that friendship, that brotherhood is strong. He knows I’m not going to bail on him and vice versa. There’s no way he could ever piss me off enough that I’d give up on him, and he’s put up with me for years. We know we have each other’s backs. And we grew up with families, I mean, we’ve had that kind of support growing up and now from each other, too. You didn’t have that. So this is like your first real family.”

“Yeah,” Lexi said softly, nodding. “And I never want to be something that comes between you two.”

“We know that, baby,” Rafe said. “And I think that may be what he’s getting around to. The connection we have, that we all have with each other, is a lot more durable than what you’re used to. It’s permanent.”

“That’s exactly it,” I said, “I think we should do something, some kind of formal pledge that we’re in this together.That we’re your family now. That we’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

She was crying. She didn’t even try to hide it. She just let tears roll down her cheeks before sniffing once bravely and reaching for our hands.

“I know from being in social work that families come in all shapes and sizes, but I never really, in my heart, thought I’d be part of one myself. So it’s amazing that you’d think of this and want to reassure me. It’s very sweet and romantic, and I love you both for it. But you don’t have to do this. There’s nothing we can really do to formalize it the way that monogamous couples do.”

“Now, I have this friend down at the station, Pedro, he does some metalwork in his free time. He even sells it at craft fairs. And I wondered if the two of you would want to wear rings. Like the three of us, with matching rings. I mentioned it to him, about maybe making us three rings and he had the idea to make them each out of three strands of silver twisted together. Like us,” I finished, waiting expectantly.

“I’d like that,” Rafe said finally.

“I want to wear your ring. I like the idea,” she said, and hugged me.

I wanted to see peace in her eyes, assurance that we loved her not just for today or this week, but for life. I wanted to give her that kind of commitment. It was a deep thrill to see her accept that, to let herself believe it was something she could have. I kissed the top of her head. She leaned against my shoulder, still holding both our hands, and the three of us sat in silence for a while, just letting it sink in. This was our life, the one we’d chosen and built with our own rules. And it was even more beautiful than I could have imagined.

14

Lexi

Growing up, I never thought of myself as lucky. In fact, I felt pretty sorry for myself a lot of the time—no family or real home, no best friends, not even a guarantee that I’d have a winter coat or rain boots when I needed them. Now it seemed like the universe had decided to settle up with me. That all the years I spent uncertain and lonely were the dues I paid to get to where I was now. It sounded dismissive of my unhappy childhood to say it all seemed worth it from where I was standing, but it was the truth.

Sometimes, you appreciated things more because you never dreamed you could have them. I figured it’s like if you grew up really poor and finally saved enough from your first job to make the down payment on a car. Like, you grew up riding the bus or walking and a car wasn’t something you were used to having—it was something that your richer, luckier friends had. But then you get one, and it’s not just a convenience, it’s like your own personal miracle.