Page 27 of Double Dirty
The first time I ventured out on my own, I went to buy a hot chocolate, the fancy kind that costs five dollars and has whipped cream on top. I paid the clerk and carried it out to my car. Then I sniffed it to see if it smelled contaminated, to see if, despite the fact that Watts was in city lock-up, maybe one of his friends could have gotten the barista to slip me something. I looked at it, told myself I was being silly, and went to take a drink. I couldn’t do it. I turned around and dumped it in the garbage. Sweating, I drove home and took a shower and tried to forget my paranoia.
The guys took me to the gym for sparring. I spent most of my time watching them after I was done on the treadmill. It had been a slow return to my usual level of activity, and I didn’t have all my endurance back yet. So I sat and watched them spar, and felt the flare of desire rekindle in me for the first time in a long time. Just watching the flex of Rafe’s broad shoulders, the way the muscles of Leo’s butt bunched and extended when he kicked made my pulse race. I felt like part of me was waking up after the coma, a part that had still been asleep all that time.
They stopped to take a break and drink some water.Toweling sweat off his face, Rafe asked me if I was okay. “You’re all flushed. Is it too warm in here for you?”
I cleared my throat, “Um, no. I need to talk to both of you later. When you’re done. There’s no hurry,” I said a little bashfully.
They wrapped up their sparring and took showers. I sat outside playing on my phone and trying hard not to think of them in the showers, two gorgeous naked men with water cascading off them, when all I wanted to do was to storm into the locker room and burst into their shower stalls. Probably inappropriate, especially since other people used the locker room and women weren’t allowed in there.
We rode back to the house in awkward silence. They tried to get me to talk about what was bothering me, and I shook my head, stared out the window. I was determined to have a real discussion about this, to let them each have time to think about it and talk about their feelings.
Inside, I grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and three glasses and we sat at the table.
“We’ve been through a lot together,” I started.
“You’re not moving out,” Rafe said.
“No,” I said, “I’m not. This morning I had a call that Watts has accepted the plea deal. He’s going to prison for five years. The soonest he can get out is in twenty months, and that’s with good behavior, which I think we all know isn’t going to happen. So, he’s gone for a good long time.”
“That’s not as much as he deserves,” Leo said.
“But she’s spared having to go through a trial,” Rafe argued, “and that’s worth a lot.”
“I’m with Rafe on this one,” I said. “I wasn’t looking forward to facing him in the courtroom and having to go over everything again. Now I feel like I can start trying to put this behind me. Even my counselor said that it would bea big step for me once I realized I was free of him, that I didn’t have to look over my shoulder everywhere I went.”
“You’re safe,” Rafe said.
I nodded. “Listen, before all this—shit—happened, I had talked with Leo. I don’t know if you two have discussed this, but I need to say it. I’m in love with you, with both of you. I would never do anything to hurt you or to damage your friendship with each other. I want to be with both of you. If that’s something you’re okay with. I don’t mean the open relationship thing—that felt awkward to me, like someone was always trying to be polite and give the other two space—I want us all to be together.”
I blurted it out super fast in one nervous run-on sentence. I bit my lip and waited, palms sweating. It was too much to hope for, that they would agree to it. It seemed conceited to even ask it of them, to expect them both to consider it. I watched them look at each other briefly.
“So, um, is now a good time for you?” Leo asked, grinning.
“What?”
“Instead of having a long talk about it, why don’t we just give it a try?” Rafe suggested. “It’s different, but I, for one, think you’re worth it.”
“Dude, it’s not that unusual. It’s called a polyamorous lifestyle. Don’t you read Cosmo?”
“No. I’m a man.”
“So am I. We have a subscription at the station, along with Men’s Health and Forbes and a bunch of other shit. We’re well rounded. Educate yourself,” Leo said.
I laughed. The tension was defused. Smiling, I stood, held out both my hands.
“You both saved me, a hundred times over. I can neverthank you enough,” I said fervently, tears stinging my eyes. “I love you both so much.”
“I love you too,” Rafe said, kissing my temple.
I leaned my head against his shoulder. Leo lifted my other hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles softly. “I love you, Lexi,” he said. I nodded, too overcome by emotion to speak.
I felt Leo’s arm go around my waist. He scooped me up, carried me in to Rafe’s big bed.
“I told you we’d lock the door and make our own rules. Here we are. The three of us,” he said.
“We’re all yours, Lexi,” Rafe said.
I went to him and wound my arms around his neck, my face tipped up to meet his eyes. He was tall, bulky, every inch of him a man. I stood on tiptoe to press a kiss to his jaw. I felt Leo come up behind me, his hands on my hips, drawing me back against him. I reached behind me with one arm, draping my arm back around his neck. Rafe bent and slanted his mouth over mine. I shivered as his tongue breached my lips. Leo’s arm snaked across my belly, his hand sliding down until the heat of his palm cupped my pussy. I moved against him almost involuntarily. It felt so good, the warmth and pressure of his hand while Rafe’s tongue moved in my mouth, tasting me.