Page 13 of Double Dirty

Lexi was my friend, and this was the closest to a home she’d ever had. I was determined not to mess that up for her. Even if it meant bolting suddenly to the bathroom and staying there to calm down. Even if it meant rubbing one out in the shower during a commercial break so I could settle in for cozy night with her. I liked her, and I wanted her to feel comfortable at home with us. She was here so we could keep her safe. That meant I could never make a move on her.

I’d just pass on any plans that came my way. Evenings were our time. We binge-watched dumb singing contests and one about some rich ladies who all had Botox and drinking problems. Leo was with us most nights too, trash talking the bad singers and the women who passed out in their chicken salad.

Lexi made me laugh. All the time. The more time I spent with her, the deeper my feelings for her grew. I hid them pretty well, even from Leo, who prided himself on knowing when I was even slightly interested in a member of the opposite sex. I was careful not to stare at her too long, not to let my eyes roll back in my head and my mouth drop open with lust when she rubbed my shoulders after a long day. If I spent way more time at home since she moved in, I told myself that was just a coincidence. Or if I hurried home after teaching a class because I knew she was there waiting for me, that was just the novelty of it. It would wear off. I’d go back to hanging out at the bar with the othertrainers eventually. If it ever sounded the least bit appealing again.

Leo got called in to cover the night shift one evening, so he’d sleep at the station. When he left, Lexi sprawled out on the couch full length. “At last, room to stretch out,” she giggled.

“You take up a lot of room for a tiny person,” I said.

“Hey, I keep all my makeup and girlie crap in a basket, I don’t leave it in your bathroom,” she laughed.

“I don’t mind your girlie crap half as much as you think I do,” I said honestly. “I like having you here.”

“I like being here. In fact, I love it. I love you. Both of you,” she said quickly. I saw the flush creep up her neck and fan over her cheeks. I wanted to kiss her mouth so much that I clawed at my chest a little where it ached. I cleared my throat, took a swallow of my beer.

“I better clean this up,” I said gruffly, picking up containers and napkins. She jumped to her feet, eager to help. She leaned across me and grabbed a stray napkin crumpled on the floor. When she did, she bumped up against me, my upper arm brushing the side of her breast. I felt like I’d been burned, branded. I jerked back, “Sorry,” I said, taking a step back and colliding with the couch.

“Didn’t mean to cause a traffic jam,” she said, slipping past me to throw away the napkins she’d picked up. “I’ve got a date with a library book. I’m almost through with their entire cozy mystery section. Lots of old ladies with bakeries who solve murders.”

“Okay, good night,” I called to her as she went into her room.

She didn’t shut the door all the way. I knew she’d be changing into her pajamas. I could shut my eyes and imagine the lift of her breasts as she drew her shirt over herhead, the curve of her ass when she shucked off her jeans. I shook myself, grabbed my phone and cruised Instagram for a while. When I was sure she’d be asleep, I went and took a cold shower, toweled off to get ready for bed.

I was brushing my teeth when I heard her. It was soft to start with, like a moan, but then there were faster whimpers, a short cry. I dropped my toothbrush in the sink and headed for her room.

Lexi was asleep, twisted up in the white sheets, curled in on herself, hands clutched in the tangle of her own hair. She whimpered and moaned, crying out in a short scream. I was on her then, no more hesitating in the doorway. I pulled her up into my arms, whispered to her.

“It’s okay, Lexi. I’m right here. It’s okay,” I said into her damp, tangled hair. She fought against me weakly, pushing, shaking her head.

“Wake up!” I said, “Lexi!” I put her away from me for a second to look in her face. She was flushed and sweaty, tears on her cheeks. It wrenched something in my chest to see her frightened.

She blinked, rubbed her eyes, sniffed bravely, “I—I—Rafe—” she broke off saying my name. She buried her face in my neck, hot tears falling on my skin. I wrapped her in my arms, told her over and over that I had her, that she was safe. I felt the tension go out of her when her sobs subsided.

Lexi clung to me still, one hand on my bare back, one on my chest. I wished briefly that I’d put some clothes after my shower and not just the towel. Something, anything between us would have been safer. She was in a white t-shirt, her strong thighs naked below it. I swallowed hard, rubbed her back in what I hoped was a friendly, comforting way.

She looked up at me, her eyes bright with tears as theymet mine. She leaned up and kissed my cheek or tried to. She brushed her lips at the corner of my mouth, probably by accident, but I was lost. I covered her mouth with mine, my lips nipping at hers, my tongue sliding inside her mouth, soft and welcoming. She gasped into my mouth, her tongue stroking along mine as I explored her slowly and sensuously. Her hands tangled in my wet hair and I growled with satisfaction, I couldn’t help myself, when she nipped at my lower lip with her teeth, sending a bolt of sensation straight to my cock. I wanted her so fiercely that I had to stop at nothing to contain it, had to content myself to stroke my tongue into her mouth deep and slow, making her tremble under my hands.

Slanting my mouth over hers, I slid my palm along her rib cage, my thumb brushing the underside of her breast. I stroked higher, felt her nipple harden into a tight bud under the slightest rub of thumb. She gave a small moan into my mouth, so I gave her more. I laid her back on the bed, working her sensitive nipple between my finger and thumb, making it into a hard, aching peak. Lexi wrapped both arms around me, whispered into my mouth, “Rafe, I’ve wanted you for so long.” Her words undid me. I had meant to comfort her with a kiss, but she had set me ablaze.

I pulled back from her, trying not to let my gaze linger on her swollen lips, the drugged look in her eyes. I wanted to slide her shirt up and put my mouth between her legs. She’d let me, I knew from the look on her face. But she was too vulnerable, staying with us for safety and friendship, crying out in the night from a bad dream. It would have been dishonorable to take advantage of her. I helped her to her feet.

“You were crying in your sleep,” I said gruffly. “I came in to wake you. I didn’t come in here to—”

“I know,” she said, “Thank you for waking me. It was an awful dream. I think that’s why I—held on to you. It won’t happen again. I don’t want to lose your friendship. Yours or Leo’s.”

“What we have is too special to risk,” I said, hoping she understood what I meant—that I was attracted to her, but I didn’t want to lose the ease and closeness the three of us had.

“Good night, Rafe,” she said. She wouldn’t lift her face to look at me. “And for what it’s worth, no one’s ever kissed me like that. Not ever.”

I swallowed hard. I couldn’t think of anything to say to that, and I sure as hell couldn’t let myself touch her again. I tightened the towel around my hips and walked out. Back to another cold shower.

7

Leo

At the diner, she blushed when Rafe took a drink of her Diet Coke. And again, when he reached for one of her fries. She seemed bashful around him all of a sudden, after weeks of sprawling out over both of us on the couch or shoving him over to take a bite of his hamburger in the booth at the diner. She was acting weird around him.

I would’ve thought it was nothing, but he wasn’t exactly his normal too-serious self around her anymore either. Mostly he looked at her like he was a starving man and she was a ten-course banquet. The rest of the time he looked like he’d been whipped and didn’t dare look up. When she’d yanked her plate away from him after he reached for a fry, he’d had the look of a misbehaving puppy who’d been left outside in the snow.