Page 26 of Double Dirty
“Sorry,” she said, her voice barely a rasp.
“No. No, no, don’t be sorry,” Rafe said, gathering her hand in both of his. “We’re just glad you’re awake. If they’d let us, we’d carry you out of here right now. We can’t wait to have you home.”
“Yeah, we still have to make those empanadas. Which means you’re going to have to figure out how to use the deep fryer. No lie, it freaks me out,” I said.
“You’re a fireman,” she said with a wheezy laugh. She was smiling. It felt so good to see her smile, but her weakness, the gray pallor to her lips were like a punch to the gut.
“You’re about to bust out of here to a better room. I hear they have TV and more than one chair. Maybe they’ll even give you breakfast in the morning,” I said.
11
Lexi
“What happened?” I said. Everything felt heavy. My skin was itchy. My eyes didn’t want to stay open.
“Oh, honey,” Rafe said, “You’ve had an overdose. Somebody drugged you.”
“Oh no,” I said, tears leaking from my eyes. Sobs shook my body, little gasps and coughs that racked my shoulders. Even crying felt wrong and different, everything seemed far away and frightening.
“It’s going to be okay. You’re safe now. We’re here, we’re not leaving you alone again,” Leo said.
I was two more days in the hospital before they pronounced me well enough to go home. Leo held my hand while I answered questions for police detectives, but I was still confused about what happened. Counselors and social workers talked to me and I was given a pamphlet on how to manage anxiety after trauma. Rafe made me pancakes and smuggled them into my hospital room.
They settled me in at home, and Rafe brought me a bottle of water. “It’s important for you to stay hydrated,” hesaid, waving the paper packet of discharge instructions we’d signed.
“I’m fine, guys,” I said. “I’ve got to take next week off to get back on my feet, but I’m okay. I’m a little weak, I get dizzy once in a while, but the doctor said in a week or so all the drugs will be out of my system.” I didn’t want them fussing, but mainly I didn’t want to inconvenience them any more than I already had. It was like I’d been plucked out of my life and dropped into a new, nightmare version where I was helpless, and someone had tried to kill me. I clutched the blanket over my lap, trying hard not to bite my nails or burst out crying.
“Tomorrow we have to go for a complete deposition,” Leo said, “but we wanted to let you know, we’ve worked things out at the station and the gym so that we’re working opposite shifts for a while. That way one of us will always be here with you.”
“No! You shouldn’t have done that for me. I don’t’ want you rearranging your schedule so you can babysit me. Please,” I said, the tears coming to my eyes again. Rafe sat on the edge of the couch and stroked my hair.
“It’s okay, baby,” he assured me. “We want to be here for you. You know, in case you need a foot massage or something.” Rafe teased, trying to get me to smile, but I shook my head.
“I’ve ruined your lives. It’s such a mess,” I said, sniffing.
“You have not,” Leo said. “All we did the last week was talk about how we can’t lose you.”
“Yeah, Leo said he’d become a celibate vegan if it would bring you back.”
“Wow, giving up bacon? You must have been serious,” I teased, but it wrenched me that I’d put them through all that worry.
“I’m serious,” Rafe said. “We talked this over while you were unconscious. This isn’t a competitive thing. I mean, we shared practically everything growing up anyway, right? The point is, I love you. And—” he looked at Leo and nodded.
“I’m in love with you, too. We had a kind of extreme situation to figure that out in, and it was pretty clear. We’re both in love with you. And we’d both give you up if it would make you happy. So when all this is over, when the Watts thing is cleared up, when you’ve had time to get your equilibrium back, we’ll all have a talk about how to move forward and what you want,” Leo said.
I nodded, biting my lips to keep from crying. They both loved me. I didn’t have words to say to that, other than the obvious.
“Thank you,” I said.
“I’ve got to head into the station in about an hour,” Leo said. I nodded.
“So I’ll be here,” Rafe said, sitting beside me and gathering me against him. I let my head loll against his chest. He reached for the remote and switched on some reality show I usually liked, but I was asleep in no time.
It was Leo who took me to the deposition while Rafe was at work. Then Rafe took off early the next day to take me to a doctor’s appointment. It was like having a pair of overprotective nursemaids—really hot ones. One of them was always there, making sure I drank water, took a short walk in the sunshine, got plenty of rest. Rafe brought me a burger from the diner and watched old episodes of The Office with me. Leo and I gave up on the empanadas after producing a greasy, inedible batch and we ordered a pizza to eat while we watched cooking shows.
They made me laugh. They held me when I was tooscared to sleep. I could never hope to repay such care and kindness. The week I’d planned to take off work stretched into two and then three. Janet stopped by and insisted I take a formal leave until the legal action was resolved to give myself time to adjust.
I hated the sight of the police station, the small fear that knotted in my belly every time I had to go sign a statement or clarify an answer, or just to answer the same set of questions again. If I hadn’t had Rafe or Leo with me, I probably would’ve hidden in the car and said I was too sick to make it there. I was suddenly afraid of everything.