Page 95 of Conquered (Highgate Preparatory Academ:y Compendium)

T he rest of the journey is pretty uneventful. We have some dinner; steak cooked medium rare, small buttered potatoes, and a colourful salad. Don’t ask me how we got this on a plane, apparently, it’s what you get for being rich bastards.

After dinner, I take a long nap with Ash once he’s made me explode several times on his tongue and fingers. I fall asleep, exhausted before I can return the favour.

We land some hours later, although because of the time difference, it’s only eight in the evening, which is all kinds of mindfuckery.

Feeling slightly discombobulated, we exit the jet to find a car waiting for us on the tarmac.

It’s another black limousine with a smartly dressed Balinese guy, who looks about our age, waiting by the open door.

“Good evening, sirs, miss. Welcome back,” he greets us, his speech slightly accented as he puts his hands in a prayer position and gives us a shallow bow, then straightens up. All the guys follow suit, bowing, so I do the same. “Your package is in the back, Master Matthews.”

“Thank you, Nengah,” Kai responds with a smile, indicating with a hand that I get in first.

I smile at Nengah, then climb in the back.

The boys follow me in, and soon we’re on our way.

Kai hands me a paper bag, and I open it to find a box.

Opening that, I find a single white tablet inside.

The morning after pill. My heart does a little flip, which is stupid because there is nothing to worry about either way. He hands me a bottle of water.

“Thanks.” I smile tightly at him, aware of three pairs of eyes on me as I pop the pill on my tongue and take a mouthful of water, swallowing it down. “So, when do we see Jax?” I ask them, wanting to move on from that shitstorm.

“We’re headed to the port now, and from there we’ll take the yacht to Cempedak Island, which should take just over an hour,” Ash informs me, looking down at his phone briefly. Of course they have a fucking yacht.

The car journey feels like it whizzes by, and takes an age at the same time.

I’m so excited to see Jax, to have all my boys together with me again.

It feels so wrong to be apart from any of them.

Anxious butterflies flutter around my stomach.

I’m worried about how we’ll find him. What state he’ll be in, and how he’s coping with his withdrawal.

I know there will be side effects from the withdrawal, that he may be suffering from all sorts of things, but I’m desperate to see that he’s okay. That’s he’s still my He-Man.

By the time we reach the port, I’m practically vibrating, much to the irritation of Ash.

“Bouncing in your seat won’t get you there any faster, Princess,” he comments, looking at me with slightly narrowed eyes, his tone surly and sounding a tad jealous as he waits for Nengah to open the door.

“Don’t be a dick just because you’ve got blue balls, Ash,” Loki teases, earning a whack in the chest from the Ice Knight himself.

“I can sort those out for you on the boat, if you like?” I offer, my voice dropping huskily without conscious thought, and his frown lessens slightly. That is, until Loki opens his mouth again as we exit the car.

“That’s the rub of it. No sexual intercourse for the man, for six to eight weeks, right Lucifer ?” Loki tells us like the shit stirrer he is, a wide grin on his face. That earns him a punch to his gut this time.

“What? Why?” I ask, looking at Ash and frowning. He raises his brows, and then it dawns on me. “The dare!” I hiss, my eyes widening as we walk towards the docked boat, which is fucking huge.

“A Vanderbilt never reneges on a dare or bet,” he tells me casually, not making eye contact, and acting like he’s not talking about a dick piercing as we board the yacht. Nengah and some other guys bring our luggage behind us.

I’m momentarily distracted from that revelation by the sheer beauty of the craft we’ve just stepped onto.

It’s all sleek lines and polished light wood and has several levels, or I guess decks.

On the side, in scrolling script is the name The Princess Lilly and my heart stutters to see it.

Did they name a boat after me? There’s soft lighting everywhere, and as I look around, I find all three boys looking at me intently.

“Do you like it, Pretty Girl?” Loki asks, his uncertainty completely adorable. He bites the edge of his lip and shuffles his feet on the wooden deck.

“Did you buy a fuck off massive boat and name it after me?” I ask, slightly aghast. Obviously, Her Vagisty preens at the show of adoration.

“We’ve had the yacht for a while, but decided to rename her after you,” Kai tells me in his lovely melodic voice, and I can feel myself turning into girl goop. I’ve missed the sound so much over the past couple of weeks.

“Thank you,” I tell them, deciding to embrace the romantic gesture for what it is, and not letting my ideas over the unfairness of wealth get in the way. “I mean it. This is one of the most romantic things anyone has ever done for me.”

I notice a smartly dressed older man, in a crisp white uniform, waiting on one side of the deck to greet us.

“Welcome aboard, Mr. Vanderbilt, Mr. Matthews, Mr. Thorn,” he says in cultured tones, with a wide smile. “Nice to have you back with us.”

“Thank you, Wayan,” Ash replies. “May I present Lilly Darling. Lilly, this is Captain Wayan.”

“Ah, the name change makes sense now. A pleasure, Miss,” Wayan says, inclining his head in my direction, his grin getting even broader.

Then he turns back to Ash. “We’re just loading up, and then we’ll be ready to set sail.

If you’ll excuse me, Ketut here will see that you are settled.

” He indicates with a hand towards another smartly uniformed man, younger this time. Then Captain Wayan turns and walks off.

“This way please, sirs, miss,” he tells us, holding his arm out, and the boys seem to know where we’re going as they stride ahead into the interior.

I follow behind, gaping at the plush decor. We are led down some floating wooden stairs to a huge seating area with cream leather sofas and armchairs surrounding coffee tables. At the far end is a huge dining table next to semi-circular French doors that open onto another deck.

“Some drinks, please, Ketut,” Kai orders. “I’ll take my usual. Lilly?” he asks me, looking at me as I stand at the base of the stairs, trying and failing not to show how out of my depth I am.

“Um, just some iced tea, please, if you have any?” I ask, feeling overwhelmed.

“Of course, peach or lemon?” Ketut responds with a polite professional smile.

“Lemon, please.”

He takes the others’ orders, then leaves to get our drinks, and some snacks Loki asked for.

“Come sit, Pretty Girl,” Loki orders, grabbing my hand and dragging me over to the sofas. He sits down, then pulls me into his lap, the others joining us seconds later.

“So, can I see?” I ask Ash with a raised eyebrow as soon as we’re settled.

“He won’t even tell us what he got,” Kai tells me, a slight smile on his face.

“Good things come to good girls, Princess,” Ash says with a sexy as sin smirk on his face.

“I am a good girl,” I whine, pouting to see if that works. He just shakes his head.

“Well, keep being good, and I might show you.” I stick my tongue out at him, and he narrows his eyes. “Brat,” he says under his breath, although there’s a heat turning the silver molten, and a tilt to his lips that tells me he loves my brattish attitude.

Ketut comes over with our drinks and snacks; all kinds of yummy things from sweet potato fries, to golden crispy calamari, and nutty satay chicken. We spend the next few minutes talking and catching up with what we’ve all been up to in the two weeks that we’ve been apart.

Kai remains pretty quiet throughout our conversation, a pensive frown on his face as he stares into his wine glass, full of what I assume is sake.

I get up from Loki’s lap, walk around the low table and reach out to Kai.

As my fingers brush the side of his face, he flinches so hard that his drink sloshes down the side of the glass, dripping over his hand.

Lightning quick, his hand shoots out, grabbing my wrist in a bruising grip that sets my heart racing.

His eyes are wild, and he looks into my panicked gaze, his own clearing as confusion crosses his features.

“Fuck, Lilly! Are you okay? You scared me,” Kai exclaims, abruptly letting my wrist go, and reaching over to grab a napkin whilst setting his glass onto the table.

I can’t help rubbing at the bruised skin, and his eyes dart down, tightening in the corners when he sees what I’m doing. “I’m so sorry, darling.”

“What the fuck, Kai?!” Loki snarls, coming to stand next to me, taking my hand in his grip, and inspecting the joint. I wince when he moves it a certain way, and he growls.

“Kai, I’m so sorry,” I rush out, a little breathless from the adrenaline rush. “You looked sad, and I wanted to, I don’t know, give you a hug,” I tell him, still standing and shrugging my shoulders.

His own droop, and look of desolation flits across his eyes, making tears spring unbidden to my own, before he looks down to the napkin in his hands, his fingers slowly shredding it. Ordinarily, I’d go to him, but his reaction to my touch just then has left me reeling.

What the fuck happened in the past two weeks?

“Shit, I’m sorry if I scared you,” he says gruffly, dropping the shredded napkin and clawing through his hair.

I shake my head in disbelief.

“You have nothing to apologise for, Kai,” I say, trying to assure him, but he doesn’t bother to look at me. “Kai, you’re scaring me now. What happened?” I murmur, swallowing thickly.

Ash and Loki have gone quiet, Loki still grasping my arm and taking a step closer as if he doesn’t trust his friend, but I don’t pay him any attention. I’ve only got eyes for the man who looks so broken before me.

He sighs again, and when he looks up at me, his eyes are a maelstrom of swirling emotion, it’s hard to pinpoint them all. There’s an aching sadness, anger, and his lip curls up a little as if in self-loathing.

“Nothing, darling,” he tells me after a deep breath. “I just hate going back home ,” he spits the word as if it’s poison on his tongue.

I know that he’s not telling me the whole truth, that there’s more going on here. My heart pounds with the knowledge.

“I’ve got some work to do,” he tells us in a monotone voice, before getting up, and walking off into the depths of the yacht.

Something is terribly wrong.

KAI

Fuck!

The flash of pain in Lilly’s hazel eyes haunts and excites me in equal measure.

That’s how I know I’m broken, beyond repair.

The fact that inflicting pain on her gives me a semi, even when we’re not in a sexual situation, when she’s not enjoying it tells me all I need to know about how fucked up I truly am.

How can she ever love someone as terrible as me?

I stalk off, heart pounding and limbs shaking. I don’t see my surroundings as I try to outrun the demons that always rear their heads after I’ve been home for any length of time.

Home , what a fucking joke. It’s not been a home since the night my parents were placed into the ground when I was ten years old.

Sounds from the past try to push their way to the surface; the muffled cries of a child, the comforting touch that turned unwelcome.

I shake my head, my hands reaching up to cover my ears, as I begin to pick up my pace, coming to an abrupt halt at the railings surrounding the deck. Looking down, the churn of the dark water below soothes my erratic thoughts, hypnotizing me and calling to me like a siren song.

Briefly, I wonder what it would be like to let the waves take me into their watery embrace, thoughts of sinking to the depths swirling in my mind.

Would the sea be cold, or warm? Would it hurt? Or would it be a blessed relief from this torture, this crippling shame that I’ve lived with since that night?

I come to with a ragged gasping breath, my knuckles white on the top rail, and my upper body leaning precariously over the edge.

Taking another deep inhale, I can feel the salty spray hit my face and burn my lungs. I can’t let him win.

I’m not fucking stupid. I’ve done my research.

I know that keeping this secret, even from my best friends, my brothers, isn't healthy. But how can I tell them the darkest shame of my life? I know that the part of me that believes it was my fault, that I deserved it, that I must have wanted it, is full of shit. That I shouldn’t feel so worthless.

But knowing something in theory, and believing it are two very different things.

My head drops into my hands, suddenly feeling far too heavy to hold up.

I can feel myself unravelling at the edges, the darkness threatening to overtake for good.

And there’s not a damn thing I can do to stop it.