Page 114 of Conquered (Highgate Preparatory Academ:y Compendium)

He gives me one of his Ash-hole looks, raising an eyebrow. Right, I am named after her favourite flower after all. He kisses the top of my head, then leads the way through the gates and along the winding paths of the cemetery.

We’re surrounded on all sides by gravestones, monuments, and beautiful statues, with bare trees dotted here and there.

We’ve lucked out on the weather again today; it’s chilly but sunny.

Turning off down a more narrow path, we come to a stop underneath an oak sapling with a simply carved headstone in front of it.

Laura Darling

Beloved mother and sister

18th September 1980 - 21st February 2025

The ground surrounding the grave looks freshly cleared, only a few dead leaves litter the space, with nothing but neatly clipped turf covering the site. Glancing around, frowning, I see that the surrounding graves are not as well kept as Mum’s.

“We came here yesterday to tidy it up a little.” Ash’s ginger scent washes over me as he leans down to speak. “Apparently, wild violets grow here in the spring,” he tells me.

I squeeze his hand in silent thanks, letting go when he passes me his bunch of flowers. They’re simply tied with natural string, no cellophane, and I step forward to place them on the grass, a tremor in my hands.

“Hi, Mum,” I whisper, tears springing to my eyes again as they trace the simple lettering carved into her headstone.

And then it hits me. I’ll never be able to tell her about the guys, about how wonderful they are, and the fact that they’re helping me to heal.

She'll never meet any children I may have one day, never hold her grandchildren in her arms and sing them lullabies like she did to me as a child. We’ll never dance to awful eighties pop songs on the radio, never make another Christmas cake together.

I’ll never be able to tell her how sorry I am about that stupid argument. Never tell her how much I love her.

I don’t realise that I’ve collapsed, my nails digging into the turf, sobbing as my heart breaks for all the things I’ll never get to do with her again until strong arms wrap around me, lifting me and turning me round so that I can bury my face into a ginger scented cashmere covered chest.

I fist the soft material, tears tracking down my cheeks and soaking into his no doubt stupidly expensive coat. He just holds me, his arms banded tightly around me, keeping my pieces together whilst I fall apart under the winter sun.

Some moments later, I lift my tearstained face towards the sky, closing my eyes and letting the sun dry my cheeks. Taking what feels like the biggest breath I’ve taken all year, I look back down and find Ash’s steel eyes on my own.

“Thank you,” I whisper, my voice cracking slightly.

“Of course,” he says back.

Looking to the side, I’m met by Jax’s piercing blue gaze. I give him a watery smile.

“Thank you, Jax,” I tell him, wetting my dry lips.

“Always, Baby Girl,” he replies gruffly.

I turn to the other side to find Loki studying me.

“Thank you, Loki.”

“No need, my heart,” he says, reaching out to stroke my slightly damp cheeks. “I’d do so much more without even a thought,” he adds, fresh moisture stinging my eyes at his heartfelt words.

I turn my head to find Kai’s honey amber eyes watching me with such love it steals my breath for a moment.

“I told you, darling,” he says, stepping closer to my back until I can’t see him as he’s right behind me, his scent of fresh woods after the rain mixing with Ash’s.

“Everything I am, or ever will be, is yours,” he whispers in my ear, placing a soft kiss on my neck that sends tingles racing over me, despite my sadness.

I stay surrounded by my guys, my warriors, my Knights, for several minutes, breathing them in under the winter sun, the sounds of birds chirping in the background.

Inhaling deeply, they give me the strength to look round, remembering that Lex and Ryan are here too. I find Lexi’s green eyes, not far from where I stand, swimming with tears as she looks at me surrounded by my guys.

“Your mum would have been so happy to see you with them, Lilly Bear,” she tells me in a choked voice.

Fresh tears well in my own eyes at that. Kai steps back and to one side, and I turn in Ash’s arms so that I’m facing Lex and Ryan.

“For what it’s worth,” Ryan begins, stepping closer to us, glancing at each of the guys in turn. “You have my approval and blessing. They are good guys, little one.” He gives the guys a sharp nod, which they return. Men .

Kai takes a step forward, looking at me as he takes a piece of paper out of his pocket.

“I have a poem that I’d like to read, if that’s okay with you, Lilly?” he asks, and I give him a wobbly smile.

“I’d love that,” I say, my heart swelling.

He turns to face the grave, but still so that I can see him in profile and begins to read.

“‘Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die.’”

He turns to look at me once again, his features soft as he takes in my tearstained face.

“It’s called A Thousand Winds , by Mary Elizabeth Frye,” he tells me.

“It’s beautiful and perfect,” I whisper, reaching out to take his hand, bringing it up to my lips and placing a kiss on his knuckles.

Looking back up, I glance round at the people who I love, and who love me in return without condition. It feels as though my heart swells to twice its size, threatening to burst from my chest as I drink them in, the winter sunshine wrapping its chill around us but unable to touch us.

Stepping forward, I walk to Mum’s grave, kneeling down to place my hand on the headstone.

“I’m going to be alright, Mum,” I tell her, my eyes welling up once more. “They’ll look after me.”

Closing my eyes, I stay there for a few moments, hearing the breeze rustling in the trees, the birds chirping around us, the sunshine warming my face as the world keeps spinning.

Standing up, I take one last breath, gazing down at the stone.

“Bye, Mum,” I whisper, then turn around to face the others, focusing on my guys. “Let’s go home.”

They all break out into blinding smiles, obviously realising that I don’t mean the hotel, but back to Colorado. Back to Highgate Prep.

Although, they do say that home is where the heart is. And my heart is standing before me, kept safe in the bodies of four beautiful men.