Page 127 of Conquered (Highgate Preparatory Academ:y Compendium)
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
LILLY
“ I just need the loo,” I say, not even taking off my shoes as I rush into the bathroom.
I can feel their eyes on me as I close the door, but I need to do this alone.
I just want to process whatever the result is before telling them.
Kicking off my heels, green sequin Irregular Choice, of course, I tear open the purse, finding a digital test inside.
Thanking Willow for getting the one that literally tells you if you’re pregnant, I open the box, taking the test out of its wrapping.
Now or never, Lilly .
I set the test to one side whilst I hitch the silk of my dress up, tucking the hem into the top so it’s completely out of the way— I know! I am the epitome of ladylike behaviour .
Grabbing the test, I sit on the loo and do as instructed, peeing on the stick then popping the lid back on. I set it to one side, washing my hands and untucking my dress as I wait.
And wait.
And fucking wait.
Jesus! How long do these things take?!
My breath catches as finally the screen changes.
Pregnant.
Fine tremors wrack my body, and I suddenly feel ice cold.
At the same time, a strange surge of blissful elation fills me at the thought of carrying a child.
Loki’s child. I wonder for a brief second if this is how Mum felt when she found out she was pregnant with me.
This bizarre mix of happiness and sheer terror.
Oh god, Loki.
I have to tell him. I look up at my shaky reflection in the mirror, noticing my wide eyes and flushed cheeks.
“You can do this, Lilly Darling,” I tell myself, my voice much more confident than I feel.
Grabbing hold of the test, I walk to the door, pausing briefly with my hand on the handle for one final deep breath, before opening it.
The guys are all sitting on the sofas, the fire roaring as they swirl various liquids in glasses.
They’ve taken their jackets off, loosened their ties, and Loki, Jax and Kai all have their shirt sleeves rolled up.
I smile at the fact that Ash hasn’t, although he has undone the first couple of buttons.
“Everything okay, Pretty Girl?” Loki asks, and my gaze snaps to him. Immediately, he gets up, setting his glass down and coming towards me as if he knows. “What’s happened?”
I see the others stiffen behind him, straightening up, but my focus is on the auburn haired angel in front of me.
“I’m pregnant,” I whisper, holding out the test for him to see.
His brows dip for a second, looking down at the screen which still shows that one word. I watch him intently, seeing the flush rise on his cheeks as his eyes widen. His gaze comes back up to me, and suddenly, I’m so worried about how he’ll react.
“Christmas Day,” he says, not as a question but as a statement. I nod, my throat tight, waiting.
“What the fuck is going on?” Ash demands, striding towards us.
“Lilly’s pregnant,” Loki tells him, not looking in his direction, keeping his gaze on me.
Ash stops like he’s just been sucker punched. “What?”
I can see the others come up next to him, shocked expressions on their faces, but my gaze catches on Loki’s, waiting for his reaction.
"It's not the end of the world, is it, Loki?" I whisper, pleading with him to anchor me, to tell me that it’ll all be okay, regardless of how crazy this is.
"No," he answers, and my shoulders sag, my breath whooshing out of me at his answer. "It's really not the end of the world, Pretty Girl."
He cups my face in his palm, his emerald eyes full of such tender emotion that my own fill with tears.
"I couldn't imagine anyone else I'd rather be in this mess with," he tells me, his own eyes wet as he places a soft kiss on my lips. “Me and you are in real trouble now, Pretty Girl.”
Then he drops to his knees, his hands framing my middle as he kisses over my flat stomach.
"Hello, little one."
My eyes close, the tears falling freely as I feel a sudden lightness wash over me. Fingers wipe the tears away, and I open my lids, turning my head to the side to see Jax looking at me, his gaze full of fierce protectiveness and love.
“We’ll look after you both,” he tells me simply, cupping my face and making more tears fall, my throat aching.
“Nothing will happen to you, I swear,” Kai vows from my other side, and an uncomfortable shiver runs through me at his promise. I shake the uneasy feeling off, giving him a watery smile.
Loki stands back up, wiping his eyes, and my heart aches with love for him, for them all.
“Fuck, I’m gonna be a dad,” he says, running his hand through his hair.
“Yeah, to my wife’s child,” I hear Ash snap out, and I look past Loki to see Ash standing there, a face like thunder.
Loki’s face blanches. “Shit, that’s a cluster fuck.”
My attention returns to Ash, who’s still standing there, looking lost. Stepping away from the others, still clutching the damn test in my fist, I walk towards him in a swish of silk. Dropping the test onto the side table with a clatter, I step right up to him, my hand coming to cup his jaw.
“Hey,” I say softly, his blistering gaze landing on me.
There’s anger there for sure, but also a blinding terror.
“I need you, Asher Vanderbilt. We need you,” I tell him, taking his hand with my spare one and placing it on my stomach.
I swear I almost feel something as his palm strokes me, his fingers twitching. “You will all be fathers to our baby.”
“What if I’m no good?” he asks, the terror shining brightly in his eyes. “I don’t exactly have a good role model to look up to,” he huffs out a self-deprecating laugh that cuts me to the quick.
“You will be an awesome dad, Ash, and our child will love you for it,” I say, my voice firm with conviction in that truth.
His eyes close for a moment, his head tipping forward until our foreheads are resting together, his hand still resting over my stomach, warming the area under his palm.
“I love you, Lilly,” he says, his voice choked with emotion.
“I love you, Ash,” I reply, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.
The others come to us, surrounding me in their loving protection as their hands come to my stomach, until there’s not a space left untouched where our baby is growing.
A week goes by, then two, then three, and yet no word from Julian, or any of the other members of the board.
I can’t even bring myself to think of them as the guys' families, there’s no familial love there, nothing that gives them the right to be known as such.
The radio silence leaves a sour taste in all our mouths, distracting us from our schoolwork as we wait on tenterhooks for some kind of backlash.
Meanwhile, Kai works on the plan. The murder plan.
I hate how right it feels, to be plotting someone’s death and the downfall of several others.
But this is one thing that they have earnt, and if that makes me a monster, then so be it.
I’ll embrace the darkness with open arms if it keeps us all safe and stops the abuse that my guys have gone through, and continue to go through.
The weather warms up, signs of spring in the air, although apparently, it’s not officially spring until we get snow on the tulips that fill the Academy planters.
Something eases in my heart, my breaths coming a little easier as winter starts to wane.
It’s silly really, bad things can happen at any time, regardless if the birds are chirping and the sun is shining.
We’ve decided to keep my pregnancy quiet for the moment, I’m only ten weeks or so along anyway, so it’s not as if anything shows yet or will for a while.
The sickness still plagues me, and reminds me of stories Mum told me of how morning sickness was a load of bollocks when you feel sick all damn day. How right she was.
Kai spends hours in our kitchen making me things to try and tempt me to eat, and he brings me lemon and ginger tea in the mornings which helps to settle my stomach enough for a plain breakfast of peanut butter on toast. He tells me he’s stockpiling recipes for when I feel up for more and has researched the best diet during pregnancy to ensure that the baby and I are getting all that we need.
Jax has me on various vitamins and supplements, having done his own research into what I need. He’s also planned an entire exercise regime suitable for pregnancy and has added a massage course which includes pre and post natal massage to his studies.
I’ve had to stop Loki on more than one occasion from buying up the entirety of the Frugi newborn store, an English company online that he found, which specialises in rainbow designs.
He holds me close pretty much every night, hardly letting the others get a look in, telling me all the things that he plans to do for our child, the ways in which he’ll care for us.
It’s enough to make me cry, which I seem to be doing at random points now. Apparently, that’s normal.
Ash is the only one that seems a bit reserved, a bit separate from us. I hate it, but I know that he’s coming to terms with the situation, with his worry about what lies ahead, and what will happen when Julian decides to get his revenge.
We don’t have to wait much longer for the first hit.
We’re lounging on the grass outside, in the formal gardens of the Academy, Willow with us, when Jax’s phone buzzes. He answers it, his face going deathly pale as his eyes lock onto mine, like a drowning man.
“What?” he growls, chills running down my spine at the danger in his voice. “When?”
I sit up from lying back on Loki, the others and Willow all looking at Jax with alarm. He ends the call, his hand still like the calm before the storm, as he looks at the now dark screen.
“What’s going on, Jax?” Ash asks, casting a quick look at Willow, who flushes.
“I’ve, um, got some homework to catch up on,” she says, getting up and giving me a quick peck on my cheek.
“Thanks, lovely,” I whisper in her ear, and she just nods with an understanding smile. This girl really is the shizzle.