Page 3 of Coming Clean

“Okay, I’ll put the rugs back in place in the bathroom and carry the equipment out.”

A few minutes later Sabrina met me at my truck. We hopped in, and I cranked the engine.

“You lock up?” I asked.

She nodded. “Yep.”

“Did you leave the key under the planter?”

“Yes, sir.” Sabrina saluted me.

I flipped her off. “I was just checking.”

“You’re always checking. The rest of us do remember things on occasion, you know? Sometimes we even manage jobs without you.”

I started to protest, but Sabrina was right. I was a micromanager. This company was mine and I wouldn’t settle for anything less than perfect. I blew out a long breath and wiped my sweaty face again. “You’ve done a great job so far.”

“Thanks.” She patted me on the shoulder. “I know you’re just nervous.”

“Nervous? Marines don’t get nervous.” That was a lie and a half, but I had a reputation to uphold.

Sabrina rolled her eyes, seeing right through me. “Right.”

“Quality of service matters.”

Sabrina smiled like she was humoring me. “Of course it does. That’s why I actually follow your instructions instead of blowing you off.”

“Sabrina.”

“Yes?” she asked with saccharine sweetness.

“You’re pushing your luck.”

“Try to relax once in a while. Please?”

“Relaxing gets you—” I almost said killed. Maybe I hadn’t left the desert as far behind as I’d thought.

“Are you okay?”

I shook off the memories. “Yes, and I know I’m an asshole.”

“You are not. Trust me. I’ve worked for some assholes, and you’re not one. You’re demanding, but not unreasonably so. The business is your baby. You want to take care of it. I get that. I just hate seeing you so stressed.”

“I’m not?—”

She raised her brow. “Don’t even try.”

I fought back the urge to snap. “Fine.”

“I’m going out with some friends tonight. Why don’t you come along?”

Why was she always trying to make me socialize? “I don’t think?—”

“One of them is really hot, and she just broke up with her boyfriend…”

“Are you seriously trying to get me to sleep with your friend?”

“Of course not! What kind of girl do you think she is?” Sabrina seemed to be trying to keep a straight face. I raised my brows. “Okay, yes I am.” She let go of her laughter.

“I don’t think?—”

“If you don’t click with her, there’ll be plenty of other women there.”

That was so not going to happen. “Yeah… I really don’t?—”

“Don’t tell me you’re shy around women.” Sabrina’s sarcastic tone made me bristle.

That wasn’t the problem. I had hidden my preferences for years.

Even though it was theoretically okay to be gay in the military, I sure as hell hadn’t been ready to come out.

Now, as a civilian, I didn’t have the same concerns, but I still couldn’t own up to what I wanted.

Which sure as hell wasn’t a girl, no matter how pretty she was.

I started to tell Sabrina, I’m gay . I could say those two words, couldn’t I?

How hard could it be? Sabrina didn’t care, and Asheville was a gay-friendly city, but I’d hidden my desires for so long that faking straight had become natural.

“I’m not shy. That’s insulting. I’m tired and I want to go home and crash. ”

“So you’re going to go home alone and lie on the couch watching crap TV instead of going out with friends?”

I liked the relationship I’d developed with Sabrina.

I’d hardly known her when I accepted her invitation to stay at her place until I could get one of my own.

Now we were almost as close as I was with her brother, or more so considering the distance Mario had put between us since our last mission.

Maybe I should just go out with Sabrina and her friends.

It had been weeks since I’d done anything but work, and a hell of a lot longer than that since I’d fucked anyone.

But I couldn’t pretend to take a woman home, and I obviously wasn’t ready to admit why I didn’t want to.

“There’s a Braves game on tonight, that’s not crap.”

Sabrina huffed. “You could watch it at a bar, you know? Talk to a few other human beings?”

“Last time I checked, you were a human being. I’m talking to you now.” She gave an exasperated sigh.

I used to enjoy going out, but not anymore.

Being out in a crowd made me jumpy, so I’d become a loner since I’d come back to the States.

After over a year of civilian life, I still didn’t feel like I fit in.

Was I ever going to be able to hang out with people who weren’t Marines?

I hoped so, but I wished Sabrina wouldn’t push so hard.

“I appreciate the offer, okay? Maybe another time.”

Sabrina glared at me. “That’s what you said last time and the time before that.”

“Yes, I know. I’m just…” Lost. But I wasn’t about to say that. As good a friend as Sabrina had become in the last few months, that was way more than I wanted to share.

“You’re just a stubborn bastard, right?”

“You got it. And a hardass boss, so don’t stay out too late. We’ve got a new client to attend to tomorrow.”

“Ah shit, I forgot we took on another move-out cleaning.”

“’Tis the season.” Since starting my business, I had learned that more people moved in June than any other month, and we were raking in a lot of extra money because of it.

I’d even been able to get my own place. I pulled into the parking lot of my building where Sabrina had met me that morning so we could take one car to the day’s jobs.

Eventually, I hoped to rent an office, but for now, I worked out of a one-bedroom apartment, storing the cleaning equipment in the living room.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at seven forty-five. ”

She wrinkled her nose. “Why so early on a Saturday?”

“Because that’s when the client needs us.”

“Fuck.”

“Be safe if you do,” I teased.

Sabrina flipped me off and opened the passenger door. “You sure you don’t want to come?”

“Very.”

“All right, just… If there was something wrong, you’d tell me, wouldn’t you?”

“Why?” I wasn’t comfortable talking that much with anyone. My fellow Marines always had my back, but they didn’t talk about feelings.

“I care about you, and I want to make sure you’re okay.”

Heat prickled along my neck. Had she guessed? Or did she think something else was wrong? Whatever she thought, I didn’t want to discuss it. “I’m fine.” I waved toward her car. “Get out of here, Party Girl.”

“Yes, Mr. Hardass.” She took a few steps and then looked back over her shoulder. “I see through that act, you know.”

This time I did the eye rolling. “You believe whatever you want, but don’t be late for work.”

“Or what? You’ll fire my ass and miss out on having the best employee you’ll ever find?”

“I’ll take that risk.”

She snickered as she settled into her aging Civic and started the engine.

I headed inside. Alone. To watch baseball. Or maybe porn. Sabrina was right about one thing: I really needed to get laid.