Page 26 of Coming Clean

I ran my fingers over his chest, across his abs and just to the side of his straining cock, my touch light, teasing.

He sucked in a breath. I continued to toy with him, cupping his balls and lightly tickling his perineum.

With my other hand, I stroked his inner thigh, loving the feel of coarse hair over soft skin.

“Stop fucking teasing me.”

I laughed. “I like making you squirm.”

He scowled at me.

“You said you’ve always had to rush. Not now. Not with me. We’re going to take this slow.” If I can stand it.

I tugged lightly on his balls and then pressed on the skin just behind them. He shuddered and arched into my touch. I loved how responsive he was. “I’m going to get you so worked up, you’ll think you’re going to lose your mind if I don’t fuck you.”

“Jeremy!”

The desperation in his tone made me crazy.

I wouldn’t have thought I’d have the power to do that to such a strong man.

I continued to torment him, touching him everywhere but his cock and ass.

Finally, he broke, hooking his hands under my arms and pulling me up his body.

I stretched out over him, letting our cocks rub against each other.

He held my hips, keeping me there so he could thrust against me as he plundered my mouth with his tongue.

Wasn’t I supposed to be the one in charge now? I couldn’t make myself care.

Eventually, I freed myself from his grip and sat back. We stared at each other, both taking ragged breaths.

“I’m not waiting any longer,” Connor said.

I nodded, too hard and needy myself to hold back anymore. I reached for the lube I’d tossed on the bed and slicked my fingers. He drew his legs up again, setting his feet flat on the bed, his thigh muscles rigid with tension.

“Relax.” I ran a hand over one of his rock-hard hamstrings, sliding my fingers lower, slowly approaching his ass. “I won’t hurt you.”

He drew in a shaky breath. “I can handle it. You don’t have to baby me.”

“I don’t want you to handle it. I want you to love it.

” I wrapped a hand around his shaft and worked him carefully.

After a few seconds, his legs lost their rigidity, and he started thrusting into my hand.

I slid my lubed fingers along his crack.

He groaned but continued trying to get more friction on his dick.

I circled his entrance then pushed in just a little, forcing myself to hold back.

He pushed his ass toward my finger to get more, and I gave him what he wanted. Holy fuck, he was tight. He tensed when my finger pushed past the tight muscle that tried to keep me out.

“Breathe,” I insisted, stroking his cock in long, slow movements. He kept his eyes squeezed shut but he nodded. “Connor, look at me.”

After a few breaths, he did.

“I’ll stop if you want me to.” I hoped to God he didn’t want to stop.

He shook his head. “No, don’t. Please don’t.”

“Relax. Push against my finger.”

He did and I slid deeper. Then I started to open him up. In and out, using the same rhythm I was using on his cock.

“Please,” he begged.

I shook my head. “We’re taking this slowly, remember?”

Connor

I didn’t want slow. I wanted Jeremy right fucking then. I wanted… He worked a second finger into me. “Fuck!”

“Relax.” He used a soothing tone, but it didn’t help. I couldn’t even breathe.

“Can’t.”

He worked my cock faster. I clamped my hand over his, forcing him to use a tighter grip. “It hurts and it just feels so… wrong but right at the same time. It’s—” I gasped as he pulled his fingers back out. “Damn good.”

“Yeah, I know. It feels that way to me too.” He moved his fingers in and out a few times.

I couldn’t think about anything but the sensations in my ass and his hand on my cock.

“You want more, don’t you?” he asked. “You want my dick in you, so you’ll let me do this, let me get you ready.”

I thrust against his fingers, forcing them deeper, needing it just like he said. A sudden, intense sensation raced through me—something beyond pleasure, something like pure, electric ecstasy. “Jer!”

“Feel good?” he asked.

“Fuck! I… Fuck!”

He sent that painful pleasure racing through me again.

“How the hell?—”

He grinned. “Say hello to your prostate.”

I’d known prostate stimulation was supposed to feel good, but Jesus Christ, I hadn’t thought it could be like that.

He continued to finger fuck me, sometimes hitting that sweet spot inside and sometimes not, but making me anticipate it every time. Soon, I was writhing under him, thrusting up to get more friction on my cock then pushing down to take his fingers as deep as they would go. “Enough. Fuck me now!”

He chuckled as he pulled his fingers from my ass. He rose to his knees, rolled on a condom, and slicked his cock. He watched me as he stroked himself. “You ready for this?”

“Fuck, yes.” I didn’t want to wait another second.

He smiled at me, and that, more than any sexy words, more even than the insanely amazing sensations he created in me, made me want him.

But I didn’t only want sex, I wanted everything.

I wanted Jeremy to truly be mine. I needed to find a way to get over my paralyzing fear of coming out.

I’d faced down horrors most people couldn’t even imagine, but disappointing the man who’d saved me—in so many ways—was more terrifying than any of it.

He pushed my legs until they were doubled up on my chest. I held my breath as I felt the tip of his cock push against my ass.

“Breathe, damn it!” he admonished me. “And push out against me.”

I tried to obey, but my ass was in lockdown mode. And my mind was fighting too. I didn’t deserve something this good. Jeremy was so beautiful and loving, and I had too much blood on my hands.

He worked himself a little deeper. My ass burned, and I still couldn’t manage to relax.

Jeremy stroked the side of my face. “Are you okay?”

I opened my eyes. I didn’t even remember closing them.

“That’s right. Look at me. Stay right here with me.”

I looked into his eyes. They were full of concern for me but also dark with desire.

I exhaled and sank into the mattress. He really did care, and I was going to hold onto that thought like a rope thrown to a drowning man.

When my muscles finally loosened, Jeremy drove in deeper, pushing past my barriers and filling me with burning pleasure.

“Oh my God!” His cock seemed to stretch me wide open. It hurt and yet it felt so right. It was exactly what I needed.

“I’ll give you time to adjust,” he said, his voice strained, probably from the effort of holding back. He was so fucking patient. “Let me know when you want me to move.”

I growled. “Right fucking now.” I’d had all the slow I could take. How was he standing it?

“Connor.” He was trying to make me reconsider, but I didn’t want to.

I grabbed him and pulled him into a savage kiss.

Our position was awkward with me folded up under him, but I didn’t care.

When I had to stop for air, he pulled back, panting as hard as I had been.

He didn’t try to go slow anymore. He thrust deep, making me cry out.

Then he kept moving, in and out, the movements smoother and easier each time.

The burn lessened and pleasure swamped my senses, making me wild.

I wrapped my legs around him and held his hips, thrusting up to meet him.

“Harder,” I demanded.

He complied. I was wide open now, exposed, pinned down, everything I’d never wanted to be, but for Jeremy it was worth it. I wanted to give him everything.

He shifted his angle, and his cock slid over that magic spot inside me that made me see stars. “Fuck! Shit! Fuck!” I yelled.

He grinned down at me. “Stop holding it in. Show me how much you want this.”

I couldn’t hold back anymore. I groaned, whined, whimpered, and made all the sounds he seemed to love but I hated to hear come from my own mouth.

“Yes, that’s it. God, I love when you give in.”

Fuck that. I decided I’d had enough of Jeremy being in control. I grabbed his hips and rolled us until he lay flat on his back, me astride him. He stared up at me, eyes wide.

I rose until his cock nearly slipped from my body, then I eased back down.

“Fuck,” he said, the word just a whisper.

“Oh, hell yes.” I worked my ass up and down on his cock while I jacked myself off. I was close. So fucking close.

“God, Connor, this is…”

“I know. I need…” I never finished what I was going to say.

My climax took me by surprise, roaring up with no hope of stopping it.

I cried out his name as I came, shooting over my hand as I kept stroking my cock.

He drove into me so hard I was nearly unseated, then he made a strangled sound.

I leaned over him—spent and panting, barely able to support myself on my hands—as he rode out his orgasm.

I loved the feel of the short, hard thrusts as they grew frantic and uncontrolled.

I loved knowing that watching me come had put him over the edge.

“Wow,” he gasped as he collapsed against the mattress.

“Right?” I shifted position, rolling to the side. I winced as his softened cock slid from my ass. I’d be feeling that for a while.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yes, I…” I was suddenly shy about having taken charge, though I wasn’t sure why. Jeremy had seemed to love it.

“That was incredible,” he said as if he’d read my mind. “I don’t mind a bossy bottom.”

I grinned. “Good. Because I fucking loved having you in my ass.”

He licked his lips. “We will definitely be doing this again.”

“You know what else I loved?” I asked.

“What?”

“Holding hands with you. Being out in public with you. I know it wasn’t the same as me telling the guys I served with or anyone else who might shun me, but?—”

“No,” he interrupted me. “It was a big deal, and I was honored.”

“You know what made me stop being afraid?” I asked.

He studied me, tilting his head in a way that made his hair flop into his eyes. “What?”

I toyed with one of those errant locks. “So soft,” I murmured.

“Tell me why you held my hand.” His quiet plea was more than I could resist.

“There was a guy looking at you like he wanted you more than ice cream.”

He laughed. “Really?”

“Yes. That’s what gave me the courage to take your hand initially. I didn’t let go because I liked it.”

He kissed me gently. “I liked it too.”