Page 10 of Coming Clean

Connor

S abrina was wearing a huge pink sun hat that made her easy to find.

She’d spread out a picnic blanket on one of the wide, grassy tiers of the amphitheater.

Jeremy added his offerings to the fried chicken, potato salad, and strawberries she’d brought, but I was too embarrassed to bring out my little sack lunch.

I’d look like a kid playing with the grownups.

“You’re welcome to everything I brought,” Sabrina said. “I’m not going to eat all this.”

“Where’s Ingrid?” I asked. “I thought she was coming with you.”

“She cancelled on me at the last minute. I was so glad you guys were coming.”

“What happened?” I asked.

Sabrina shrugged. “I don’t know. She probably had to go have her energy aligned or decided last minute to attend a spirituality retreat so she can pretend she’s going to dive into a new practice that she’ll be over in about five minutes.”

Jeremy laughed. “She sounds interesting.”

“Flaky is more like it. But she entertains Connor.”

I rolled my eyes. “Where I grew up, we didn’t have hippie weirdos like that. I’m still trying to adjust.”

“Where did you grow up?” Jeremy asked.

Shit! Why had I said anything? Of course, Jeremy was curious now. I wished I at least had some food on my plate so I could pretend to be chewing and unable to talk. “I… uh… I don’t like to talk about it.”

Jeremy frowned. “Bad memories?”

"Yes. It was just a boring little town in Ohio, but my family… things weren’t good.” For a moment, I returned to my childhood.

“Can’t you do anything right, boy? Get over here and clean it again.”

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Out, sir.”

“A dog could do a better job than this.”

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“I told you what would happen if I found any wrinkles now, didn’t I.”

“Please, sir. I…”

And then the blows would come. Any protest, any contradiction, and I got hit again.

I could never meet my stepfather’s standards.

No matter how hard I tried. I escaped by joining the Marines where discipline reigned, and now I ran a cleaning business.

I was sure Sabrina’s psychologist friend would have a field day with that.

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said.

“It’s okay. I got out, and I’ve never been back.” Please don’t ask any more questions about it.

“How long did you serve in the Marines?” Jeremy asked.

“Eight years. For the first time, I was damn good at something. For a while, I thought I’d stay in as long as I could, but once I was on a recon team?—”

“Wow, that’s like Special Forces, right?”

"Yes, some of the things I saw…” I shook my head, trying to banish the memories. “The last year of my second tour was rough.”

“How’d you end up here?” Jeremy asked.

Sabrina raised her hand. “Me. My brother and Connor were on the same recon team, so when Connor decided not to re-up, I offered him a temporary place to stay. Then his business took off, and he offered me a job so I could save money for grad school.”

“Is your brother still in the Marines?”

“Yes,” I answered for Sabrina, knowing it was a sore subject for her. I ran a hand over my hair, ruffling the buzz cut that was growing out more than I liked. “Can we change the subject now?”

Jeremy nodded, watching me with a soft look in his eyes. It wasn’t the kind of sympathy I hated, the kind that was really pity. No, Jeremy looked like he understood. But how could he with the soft life he’d obviously had?

His mother died. His aunt and uncle were cold. There wasn’t anyone to love him. You call that soft?

Fuck, I guess not.

“What’s it really like being a professor?” Sabrina asked.

Jeremy laughed. “Frustrating. Most of the students aren’t interested in what I’m teaching, departmental politics are depressing at best, and I end up with very little time to do any research or writing of my own.

But honestly, I can’t imagine doing anything else, unless I was a full-time writer.

Until I got this unexpected inheritance, I never thought that was a possibility.

Now I’ve got to decide what direction to take. ”

Sabrina’s eyes twinkled. “You could’ve gotten a sugar daddy.”

Jeremy grinned. “I was never that lucky.”

Something painful tightened in my chest. I didn’t like the thought of Jeremy with some older lover who treated him as a toy.

Jeremy might look all soft and effeminate, but he was no toy.

He’d had a sucky childhood, but he’d put himself through school and found a job in a field where there weren’t a lot of opportunities.

“You don’t need some asshole telling you what to do.

You can make it happen if that’s what you want.

” I deliberately echoed Jeremy’s earlier words.

Jeremy gave me a quizzical look. Did I sound like an idiot? Maybe I did, but I wasn’t going to take back what I’d said.

“Remember how you told me I could write a book if I wanted to? You could write full-time if you wanted. You’ve got some money to get by on for a while, at least.”

Jeremy still looked puzzled, like he hadn’t expected me to suggest he follow his heart. I’d never admit it, but I was more romantic than anyone, even Sabrina, gave me credit for.

“I guess I could. I’ve got until the end of the summer to decide if I’m going back to Wentworth after Christmas.”

“Do it,” I said, in what Sabrina called my command voice.

Jeremy’s eyes widened. Fuck. Was that a spark of lust?

I had to shift in my seat as my pants became uncomfortably tight. I really hoped Jeremy didn’t notice. Or Sabrina.

“If I work hard enough, I can have my book to an editor by the end of the summer.”

“I’ll check up on you to make sure you’re keeping to that,” I promised. Whoa, I didn’t even know if I’d see Jeremy again. Why would I say such a thing?

“Yes, sir.” Jeremy gave a crisp salute.

I glared in mock offense, hoping Jeremy wouldn’t notice that the words turned me on. I hadn’t thought I was one to get off on playing drill instructor and obedient Marine. Maybe I was wrong.

A man in a velvet jacket stepped onto the stage and asked for everyone’s attention. I concentrated on eating, hoping my body would give up its battle-stations-ready stance if I stopped watching Jeremy.

A few minutes later, the play began, and Jeremy scooted closer to me. “This is Theseus, Duke of Athens. He’s going to be talking to Egeus, who is upset because his daughter Hermia has refused to marry the man he’s chosen for her.”

How the hell was I supposed to pay attention to the play when Jeremy was that close? When another character came out on stage, Jeremy leaned over and whispered his identity in my ear, his breath warm and his lips so close I wanted to lean in enough to feel them brush my skin.

“Now we’re in the fairy wood. You’ll love this part. The characters are so sensual.”

I nodded, afraid to speak. I kept my eyes glued to the stage.

Don’t look at him. Don’t look at him. I wasn’t sure what crazy thing I might do or say if I did.

As it was, I wasn’t really seeing the actors.

I was picturing Jeremy’s mouth and how very much I wanted to feel those lips caress my ear, my throat, my… fuck no, I wasn’t going there.

“What are they talking about?” I asked Jeremy a bit later when I realized I was utterly lost.

“The various lovers are arguing because Puck has messed up the love spell. If you get lost, don’t worry about the exact meaning. Just follow their tone and notice how passionate they are about each other.”

I suppressed a groan. I’d had no idea how fucking sex-filled Shakespeare was.

How could Jeremy sound so unaffected? I didn’t think I was going to make it through the rest of the play.

My dick was so hard I could no longer sit comfortably.

At least it was getting dark, so hopefully no one, especially Jeremy, would notice.

Sabrina was slouched in her lawn chair, a beer in the cup holder.

She appeared to be mesmerized by the play but not as affected as I was.

Hell, now I’d have to admit I’d loved it, but not for the reason Jeremy would want me to, and not because it was surprisingly filled with dirty words and innuendos.

It wouldn’t matter if the play was the worst-written piece of garbage in the history of the stage, Jeremy could’ve made me love it because he was passionate about it.

Could he ever be that passionate about me?

Ask him back to your place so you can find out.

Why would he want to go to my dinky apartment instead of his gorgeous house?

Fine. You have to take him home, so ask yourself in.

No.

Stubborn asshole. Go home with blue balls then .

He doesn’t want to sleep with me.

Look at him.

It was dark now, but I knew how to tell a lot about a man from his shadow in the dark, the way he held himself, and how still he was or how fidgety.

Jeremy quivered with excitement, like a kid at the circus.

He was on the edge of his chair. His hand rested on my thigh, probably unconsciously.

He was all worked up, and I bet he’d be the same if I got him alone and naked.

I had never been totally naked with a man, never stretched out in bed beside anyone.

All it takes is the courage to admit who you are.

But apparently, I’m a pathetic coward.

No, you’re not . I heard the words in Jeremy’s voice, remembering how Jeremy seemed to believe I could do anything.

His grip tightened as he laughed hysterically at Bottom’s antics. I felt the warmth all the way to my cock.

I laid my hand over Jeremy’s and leaned toward him, bringing my mouth to Jeremy’s ear. “I can see why you love this play.”

Jeremy sucked in his breath and turned. His face was so close. It would be so easy to… Jeremy’s lips parted. I watched without breathing as the tip of Jeremy’s tongue slipped out and caressed his lower lip. I wanted to capture it in my teeth and suck on it. God help me.