Page 17 of Coming Clean

Jeremy

I tossed back the rest of my drink. Was that my fourth?

Fifth? From the way the dance floor wavered in front of me like a heat mirage, probably my fifth.

David had agreed to skip eighties night to come with me to the only gay dance club in the area.

I’d only been here a handful of times. Usually, the idea of all these strangers blatantly rubbing up against me made my skin crawl.

But tonight, I didn’t want to think about Connor, and this seemed like the best place to do that. I could drink. I could fuck. I could pretend I was some wild, carefree guy instead of… whatever I actually was. I drained my drink and slammed the glass down on the table.

“You going back out there?” David asked.

I nodded.

“You sure you don’t want to go home now?”

Since when was David the one ready to call it a night early? “No way. I’m not going home alone.”

He reached out and grabbed my arm, keeping me from getting up. “You’re not alone—you’ve got me.”

I smirked. “You gonna let me fuck you?”

He recoiled like I’d spit in his drink. “No, but?—”

“You’re always telling me to loosen up. Why the hell are you bitching now?”

“I tease you about it, yes, but I like you the way you are. Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“It’s the best idea I’ve ever had.” I shook his hand off and headed back into the writhing crowd.

I slid between a lean, dark-skinned guy with perfect cheekbones and a muscled boy who didn’t look old enough to be in the bar, but damn, his arms were lickable. That said a lot, considering Connor’s arms were— No. Fuck , no. Don’t think about Connor. Find someone else to fuck.

I pushed my way closer to the center of the floor, trying to drown in the pulse of the music and the heat of too many bodies moving as one.

Some guy grabbed my waist and ground his hips against me.

I didn’t even look at him—I just let it happen.

Let the sensation pull me away from the ache in my chest.

A few seconds later, he leaned in close and yelled over the music. “I’d love to think your ass was vibrating on its own because that would be fucking awesome, but I think that’s your phone.”

It took a second for his words to register, but eventually, I fished out my phone. Connor’s name lit up the screen.

I turned it off.

The guy moved on. I kept swaying, trying to lose myself again. Then someone gripped my hips and yanked me back, hard. A thick erection pressed against my ass, and I couldn’t help but wiggle against it.

“I knew we’d see each other again,” a familiar voice said in my ear.

Tony. I tried to turn, but one of his hands slid up my chest, pinning me against his solid bulk. “You like that, don’t you?”

I didn’t answer—not that he could’ve heard me anyway.

Did I like it? God help me, yes, I did. Even though I knew I shouldn’t.

Tony was big. Not just his dick—his whole damn body.

I tried to remember why fucking him would be a bad idea.

Why not take what I wanted for once? It didn’t have to mean anything.

David always said I should go after what I wanted.

I reached behind me, slipping a hand between us and cupping his cock through his pants. Thick. Long. I stroked it slowly. He thrust into my hand. That might feel good inside me—but hell no, I wasn’t bottoming. Not tonight. Not ever again. I couldn’t trust anyone. I’d learned that the hard way.

“Come on,” Tony breathed against my ear. “Let’s take this somewhere more private.”

Every reason I had to say no vanished in a haze of alcohol and frustration.

He grabbed my wrist and tugged hard, dragging me toward the restrooms. My pulse spiked.

My cock throbbed. What the hell is wrong with me?

I might fantasize about being manhandled, but I hated it in real life, especially by a guy I didn’t trust. Maybe— maybe —I’d like it with Connor.

Fuck. No thinking about Connor.

I let Tony lead me to the bathroom. I was going to screw him in a stall, shove him against the wall, and fuck him like he deserved for using me back in high school.

Tony pushed past a few guys in line. “We’re in a hurry.”

“Sorry,” I muttered, cheeks hot with embarrassment. He was an ass. But I was going to fuck that arrogance right out of him.

He shoved me into a stall and crowded in behind me, turning the lock. His hands landed on my shoulders, trying to push me down to my knees.

Nope. Fuck that. I wasn’t kneeling on that disgusting floor. And I wasn’t putting my mouth on his dick either—God only knew where it had been.

“Come on, you know you want this. You’ve wanted it since high school. Just think how long you’ve waited.”

“I didn’t even recognize you. I haven’t thought about you since you graduated.”

“Right,” he said with a laugh.

The fucking nerve .

I shoved my arms between his and knocked his hands away. “Turn around.”

“What?” He looked stunned.

“I want your ass.”

His face twisted. “What the fuck? You think I bottom? You think you’re going to fuck me ?”

The fog lifted, just enough for me to see the whole pathetic scene clearly. Had I really thought Tony would let me fuck him? How drunk was I?

Someone banged on the stall door.

“Fuck off!” Tony barked.

“Hurry up and get off! Some of us gotta piss!”

“Jeremy?” a different voice called out. Oh, thank God. David.

“Jeremy, you in there? You okay?”

"Yes. I will be.”

I reached behind me and fumbled with the lock. The door swung open, and I nearly fell. David caught me before I hit the floor.

“Did that son of a bitch hurt you?”

“What the hell?” Tony said, scowling.

I shook my head. “I just want to go home.”

"Yes,” David said, steadying me. “We’re going.”

Connor

I stared at my phone as I poured a bowl of cereal, not even pretending I was going to eat it.

I’d called Jeremy last night—because I couldn’t break my promise to Sabrina—and of course, he hadn’t answered.

I hadn’t expected him to. Still, like a complete fucking idiot, I called him again. And again. And again.

At least I hadn’t left any voicemails begging him to talk to me. Small mercies. But the sad part? I was actually considering calling again.

If he wanted to talk to you, he would've answered one of the five thousand times you called last night.

Maybe he was just?—

No. Screw that. I wasn’t going to sit around second-guessing every possibility. I was going over there. I’d say what I needed to say. And then, if he still wanted me gone, I’d go.

I dumped the cereal in the sink, untouched, and stomped down the hall to take a shower. I didn’t even remember washing myself afterward. I just went through the motions like muscle memory took over. Five minutes later, I was dressed and grabbing my keys like my life depended on it.

What if Jeremy wasn’t home?

He had to be. It was still early.

But what if someone was there with him?

Maybe he went out last night. Maybe he brought someone home. The thought twisted my stomach so hard I almost doubled over. Someone else’s hands on him—someone else in his bed. I clenched the steering wheel before I even started the truck.

Fucking shit. Fuck.

I wanted to kick something. No— someone . Preferably, whoever the hell might’ve touched Jeremy. And hard. In the goddamn face.

Jeremy

The rest of the night was mostly a blur. I only vaguely remembered David folding me into his car. Did he really put a towel on the seat because he thought I’d puke? I wasn’t that drunk.

Why did it feel like someone was using a jackhammer against my skull? I tried to sit up and immediately regretted it—my head nearly fell off my shoulders. Fuck. Maybe I had been that drunk. Maybe I still was.

I flopped back down and squeezed my eyes shut.

I must’ve passed out again, because the next thing I knew, David was shaking me awake. My stomach rolled with the motion.

“Leave me alone. And for God’s sake, close the curtains,” I mumbled. The sunlight pouring through the windows was way too aggressive for a human to endure.

“I tried calling you, but you didn’t answer,” David said. His voice was far too loud, like he was yelling through a megaphone inside my skull.

I heard him fumbling around on the floor. What the hell was he doing now? Eventually, he held something up—my phone? “No fucking wonder you didn’t answer. Your phone’s off. Why’d you do that?”

“Phone?” I could barely process what he was saying.

“Fuck, Connor called you eight times.”

I groaned and stuffed my head under the pillow. Connor was the last thing I could deal with in this state. “What time is it?”

“Nine-thirty.”

Still way too early. And why wasn’t this pillow muffling his damn voice?

“What the hell are you doing waking me up now?”

“I’ve got the monthly Habitat workday with my firm at eleven. Wanted to check on you first.”

I wanted to yell at him, but if I raised my voice, my head might actually explode. I reminded myself David really cared about me. He always had.

He patted my back like I was a hungover puppy. “Get up and I’ll make you a hangover special before I have to go.”

“Unnh.” That was as close to words as I could manage.

“You know you’ll feel better if you eat. Get a shower and join me downstairs.”

He left me to slowly piece together the disaster that had been last night.

Connor. Showing up at his apartment. The blowjob. The look of terror on his face. His soft, heartbreaking apology.

Then the club. The drinks. All those fucking drinks.

Tony.

The bathroom.

David saving me.

I shivered. When I made it downstairs, I needed to thank David for that. If he hadn’t come in when he did…

No. I couldn’t let my mind go there.

I peeled back the covers and made it to my feet, though every step toward the shower was a challenge.

The hot water helped clear my head, though not nearly enough.

I kept thinking about what David had said—Connor had called.

Called while I was at the club. That was why I’d turned my phone off. But he’d kept calling?

Had he left a message?

Don’t get excited. Doesn’t matter what he said or why he called. Stay away from him.

Easier said than done. Because despite everything, I still longed to see him. Still wanted to give him another chance. God, would I ever learn?

The smell of bacon finally lured me downstairs. My stomach hated me, but I was functioning again. Barely.

I slumped into a chair at the breakfast nook. David was dipping bread into an egg mixture at the counter.

“Thanks for saving me last night,” I said.

“You know I’ll be there for you, no matter what.”

I was so damn lucky to have him. “I don’t want to take that for granted.”

He turned and smiled at me. “I don’t think you do.”

I rubbed my eyes. “Connor called while I was dancing. That’s why I turned my phone off. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

David nodded. “It’s okay. I’ve worried you plenty of times.”

That was true. I snorted. “Like the time you decided Susie Blankenship?—”

He held up a hand. “If you value our friendship, you’ll never mention that incident again.”

“Fair enough, but I can’t promise not to remember it.”

He ignored me, like he always did when I won. “Coffee?”

“God, yes.”

He handed me a mug, and I took it like it was a holy relic. “I could kiss you.”

He made a face. “Eww! Try to contain yourself.”

I grinned. “I will if you’re lucky.”

As he plated up the French toast, scrambled eggs, and sausage links, I realized how familiar this was.

Our ritual. Whenever one of us got wrecked, the other made the hangover breakfast the next morning.

Sometimes there was a Bloody Mary in the mix, but today it looked like orange juice would have to do.

As soon as the plate hit the table, I started devouring it. Food helped. A lot. I didn’t slow down until most of it was gone. Then I took a long sip of coffee and looked up at David, cheeks warming with embarrassment.

“I know I thanked you already, but I was in over my head last night. I haven’t been that na?ve since college.”

David scowled. “I couldn’t believe you even talked to that jerk.”

I sighed. “I was?—”

The doorbell rang.

“You want me to get it?” David asked.

“No, I’ll go.”

I stood and walked toward the front door, still feeling a bit wobbly but mostly human again.

Then I saw him.

Connor.

Peeking through the long, narrow window beside the door.

My stomach flipped.

Hope?

Dread?

Tell him to go away.

Hell no. Invite him in and get rid of David.

Great. Now I had an angel and a devil on my shoulders—and I honestly couldn’t tell which voice belonged to which.