Page 8 of Code Word (The Atrous #3)

SIX

I woke up to the blinding sun trying to laser out my retinas, a brain-splitting headache, and an annoying ringing sound.

I groaned at the fucking sun, sitting up and reaching blindly for my phone, unable to find it. The ringing stopped, thank fuck. I sagged back, realizing far too late that I was still on the couch.

Did I sleep on the couch?

I heard the familiar vibrating buzz of my phone somewhere at the same time my stomach reminded me of the booze I’d tried to drown myself in.

Then there was a loud knocking. “Blake! I swear to fucking god.”

Fuck.

Ignoring the pain in my head and the urge to puke, I stumbled to the front door and opened it just as Jeremy was about to knock again. He had his phone to his ear and for a split second was relieved, until he scowled at me.

“Wait up,” he said into the phone. “He’s here. Cancel the police report.”

The what ?

He clicked off the call and, still pissed, walked inside. “The fuck have you been?” he asked. “You don’t answer your phone; you didn’t go home. Becca doesn’t know where you are...”

I closed the door and ran my hand through my hair. “I, uh... I don’t know where my phone is.”

I made my way back toward the kitchen, knowing he’d follow.

“You look like shit,” Jeremy said.

“That’s probably because I feel like shit,” I mumbled, opening the fridge.

Seeing it was empty, I closed it and thumped the coffee machine to life and searched the pantry for the coffee beans I was pretty sure were in there.

“Thanks for your sympathy. It’s nice to feel wanted.

And I appreciate you coming all this way, but if you’ve come here to insult me some more or to make me feel worse, you can fuck off too. ”

I hated myself for saying that, but for fuck’s sake.

Remembering what happened with Luke and how Maddox sided with him made my already tender stomach twist.

Jeremy said nothing, and when I turned around, he was standing there with his arms crossed, looking as pissed off as I’d probably ever seen him.

I sighed. “Sorry.”

The coffee machine beeped and I poured some fresh beans into the grinder, slid a mug under the spout, and let it do its thing.

“You drank last night,” he said.

I resisted sighing again and tried to tamp down the defensive urge to be a sarcastic dick. “Yep.” I checked the time on the wall clock. It was almost midday. “That would explain the lost time and feeling like roadkill.”

“By yourself, or . . . ?”

“Yes, I was alone. Given Luke hates me for some reason, and he got Maddox in the divorce, and now Atrous no longer exists, I figured our pact doesn’t either. Kinda surprised to see you, to be honest. Thought you’d side with Maddox in the split, no questions asked.”

Anger flashed in Jeremy’s eyes and his nostrils flared. He took a deep breath and exhaled. “He doesn’t hate you, B. And I’m not siding with anyone. There’s no reason to.” He looked kinda torn. “No one’s split up. No one’s... Luke, just... Give him time.”

Christ.

He knew.

He knew what the fuck Luke’s problem was, and I didn’t.

Everyone fucking knew but me.

I snatched up my coffee, took one smell of it, and put it down, my stomach churning.

“Give him time,” I mumbled. “So you know too, huh? Kinda proves my point.”

I nodded, more to myself than to him, because it was truly clear to me now.

Instant tears welled in my eyes, and that pissed me off. “Fuck this,” I said. I met his gaze. “What the fuck did I do?”

“Blake,” he whispered, his mouth drawing down. He put his hand on my arm, giving me a firm squeeze. “Nothing. It’s not like that.”

“But you know!” I said. “Maddox knows. Everyone fucking knows.”

“I don’t know,” he replied. “Not everything. Madz called me and asked me to check on you. He said you were upset when you left, and you weren’t answering your phone. You didn’t go home?—”

“I am home,” I said, gesturing around us. “This is my home. Where I used to live was Luke’s house, and I’m no longer welcome.”

He winced and shook his head. “Blake,” he tried.

“Blake, what? He told me he needs to not see me for a while, so what the fuck am I supposed to do? I don’t know what the fuck I did.

I went away for a week and came back, and he’d lost the plot, and somehow it’s all my fault.

I wasn’t gonna drink alone. I considered inviting a hundred or so Hollywood B-listers over for a party, but I don’t quite hate myself that much.

” I tried my coffee again, managing a sip this time.

The bitterness matched my own. “Tonight might be a different story.”

Jeremy took another deep breath and exhaled slowly. “You know, I really want to smack some fucking sense into you right now, and the only reason I’m not is because I’ve been where you are.”

I stared at him. “The fuck? You wanna smack some fucking sense into me? What the fuck, Jer?”

He groaned, a frustrated sound. “Blake,” he said, putting his hand on my arm and standing in front of me. “I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to not be a dick.”

“I’m too hungover for this.”

“Blake,” he said, tone serious.

“Ask me what?”

“They’re gonna kill me for this.”

“Who’s gonna kill you? Luke and Maddox? Well, fuck, just stay here and they’ll never find you because they’re both done with me... for some reason that’s apparently a mystery to me.”

He groaned. “Blake.”

“What? It’s true. Something’s wrong with Luke and everyone knows about it but me. No one will tell me shit, like it’s some great freaking mystery. And it’s Luke, for fuck’s sake. Luke! He’s my best friend. He’s never not told me anything, and now he won’t even look at me.”

He made a face. “Nothing’s wrong with him,” he murmured. “Look, Blake...”

I groaned; my stomach and cracking headache were not helping.

“Is it to do with Becca?” I asked, though I had a sinking feeling I already knew the answer to that.

“Because things between us aren’t great and I’m pretty sure we both know it’s over.

Is that what it’s about? Does he hate me because she’s his sister and now it’ll be weird? Because it won’t be?—”

He put his hand up. “It’s not about her. I mean, it kinda is, but not really.”

I tilted my head and squinted at him, my brain not braining. “Thanks for clearing that up. And anyway, I thought you said you didn’t know what this was about?—”

“Blake, how do you feel about Luke?”

His question stopped me. I blinked. “What?”

Jeremy looked me right in the eye, dead serious. “How do you feel about him?”

“He’s my best friend. He’s more than that. He’s like a brother.”

Jeremy winced again.

“Was that the wrong answer?” I asked. “Why was that wrong? He’s my best friend. Since forever. You know that. Every step of my life, he’s been with me. I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t me and him, ya know?”

“Yes, but how do you feel about him?”

“What the fuck kind of question is that?”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes. Of course. Like I love all you assholes.”

He stared at me. “Is that all?”

I stared right back. “What do you mean, is that all?”

He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “Blake,” he whispered.

“What do you mean, is that all?” I repeated, somewhat louder this time. “Is that not enough? What the fuck am I missing here, Jer? I’m gonna need you to spell it out for me because I’m too hungover for this shit and my head is killing me.”

“Christ, Blake. You really don’t know.”

I squinted at him. My head was throbbing now .

“How could you not know?”

“How could I not know what? For fuck’s sake, Jeremy.”

“How Luke feels about you.”

“How can I know when he won’t talk to me. He wouldn’t even fucking look at me.”

“Because he’s in love with you!” Jeremy cried, his hands raking his hair, frustrated.

I stared at him.

“He’s been in love with you for years.”

My mouth opened and closed. Opened and closed. I think I blinked. My mind couldn’t make sense of his words. “What?”

He sighed and looked at me pitifully. “He’s denied it for years.”

“Bullshit,” I said. “It’s not like that. He’s not like that.”

“Like what?” Jeremy said, defensive. “Bisexual?”

I could not get my head around it. “No. He’s not. He would have told me. Do you know how many women he’s slept with?”

“Not as many as you.”

I snorted. “True.”

“It doesn’t change anything. And maybe he’s not even bisexual.

I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him about it.

But you know how I was when I realized I was attracted to Steve.

Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, Blake.

It fucks with your head. And Luke’s been denying this for years.

Denying it until it ate him up so bad he couldn’t stand it. ”

All I could do was shake my head. “That’s bullshit.”

Jeremy scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed. When he spoke, his voice was quiet. “He knows you don’t feel the same. That you can’t. And seeing you with Becca...” He shrugged. “He just needs some time to deal with it. Give him that, at least.”

I still didn’t believe it .

“Nope. I don’t... this is a crock of shit. He would have told me. I would have known. He’s never...”

“Never what?” He locked eyes with me, hard and serious. “Ruined your friendship? When you had a different woman every other night until you started dating his sister? When you’re straight and he’s not?”

“He had a different woman every other night too,” I countered, childish, but I didn’t give a fuck. “Until he met Vana.”

“Vana was nothing more than a distraction,” he said quietly. “A last attempt at getting you out of his system.”

I shook my head again, trying to think back over the weeks, months, years. “Nope.”

Jeremy sighed. “Look. I shouldn’t have said anything. Maddox is gonna be pissed and Luke will probably never speak to me again.”

“Nice of you to join me. It’s an exclusive club we’re in.”

He took out his phone and started scrolling.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Ordering you a pizza. You’re a cranky fucker when you’re hungry and hungover.”

I glared at him. “Oh look. You’re taking Luke’s place already.”