Page 20 of Code Word (The Atrous #3)

I pushed him back toward his bed and he grinned as I pushed him down, following him onto the mattress. He fisted my hoodie and pulled me closer. “Is this my hoodie?”

“Everything is yours,” I said, holding his face roughly and crashing our mouths back together.

And then I pressed my body down on his, my full weight, and he moaned.

He fucking moaned, and the sound almost ended me.

Desire burst through me, my blood hot and demanding, and his hands were in my hair, down my back, under the hoodie, touching my skin, and then he gripped my ass, and...

I could feel his cock pressing against me.

He was hard.

And holy fuck, so was I .

My cock was hard and wanting, and I rolled my hips into his, and sweet mother of god, I could come just like this...

I froze.

Mid-kiss, mid-grind.

I pressed my forehead to his, our breaths hot and panting, and I opened my eyes to find him looking up at me.

“What is it?” he asked. “Did it get weird?”

I barked out a laugh and subtly moved my hips away to readjust our bodies. “Uh, not weird,” I said, rolling off him. Before it could actually get weird or awkward, I pulled him against me, holding him tight so neither of us could make an escape. “I just need a minute.”

He was quiet for a second, then he laughed. “So definitely not weird.”

I kissed the side of his head. “No. That maybe felt a little too right. Too right, too good. Too fast.”

He snorted, then squirmed a little and readjusted his junk. “Uh, yeah. Maybe slowing down is a good idea.”

We were both quiet then, our bodies calming, our breathing returning to normal, and I waited for the weirdness to creep in, waited for second thoughts to dawn over me, but no. Lying there, holding him was the most right I’d ever felt.

“So,” he said eventually. “First time kissing a guy. It was hot.”

I laughed and rubbed his back. “First time kissing you. I dunno about kissing guys in general. Pretty sure that’s not for me, but you? Ah, yes. Five stars, highly recommended.”

He chuckled but was quiet again until he sighed. “I have thought about it,” he admitted. “Being with other guys. I wondered if that’s what I needed to maybe get you out of my head. I went to a bar the first night I got here.”

I gasped and pushed back so I could see his face. “You did?”

His cheeks flushed pink, but his eyes were warm and never left mine. “Yeah. But none of them were you. ”

Cool relief replaced burning jealousy, and I let out a huff. “Well, of course they weren’t.”

He chuckled and put his head back on my chest, relaxing back into our cuddle.

But it got me thinking... “So, are you bisexual? Because I don’t think I am.

Actually, I’m pretty sure I’m not. I’ve never once thought about other guys.

But being with you is different. Pretty sure you felt how much I wanted you. ”

He readjusted his dick again. “Ah, yeah.”

I ignored mine. “Remember when Jeremy said he was Steve-sexual and we laughed. Well, maybe I’m like that.”

“A Steve-sexual?”

I snorted. “God no. A Luke-sexual, maybe.”

“Just maybe? Because I’m pretty sure I felt?—”

“Okay, so maybe more than maybe.” I cringed. “Is it weird to talk about this stuff?” Aaaand then I groaned and took my hand off his back so I could cover my eyes. “I even asked Becca what a physical relationship with you would mean. Like, what do we do, and how would it work, because?—”

He peeled my hand away from my face and was looking at me, bewildered. “You asked Becca? My sister? Your girlfriend?”

“Ex-girlfriend,” I supplied weakly.

“You asked my sister about what sex with me would be like?”

I winced. “Well... yeah. I told you she was cool with this. She basically told me to do this.”

“She told you?”

He began to pull away, so I ran my hand into his hair and tugged on it, keeping him from getting up and making him look at me. “Hey. She told me to pull my head out of my ass. She told me to look inward, to be honest with myself about my feelings for you.”

He sighed. “It’s my sister . . .”

I nodded, because oh boy, yes, I knew that. “And then she told me to not talk about us having sex because, and I quote,” I said using air quotes, “‘Ewww, that’s my brother.’”

Luke stared at me, then fought a smile. “Was she really okay? I don’t know how I’ll face her.”

“She’s fine,” I said. Then I had an idea. I found my phone and pressed FaceTime.

“Jesus, Blake. What are you doing?” Luke hissed at me, just as the call connected.

“Please tell me you found him,” Becca said.

I smiled at the screen, then panned to show her Luke’s face. “Yeah. I found him.”

“Oh, thank god,” she said.

I handed Luke the phone but spoke so Becca could hear. “He’s worried that you’ll hate him.”

Luke shot me daggers, but he eventually looked at his sister. “Hey,” he said.

“I don’t hate you, Luke,” she said quietly. “How could I? I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew I was never his number one choice. What Vana said kinda hit home, and...” She sighed. “I’m just glad you’re okay, Luke. That all being said, you are a dumbass.”

He let out a teary laugh. “Yeah. I know.”

“But so is he, so you’re a good match for each other, honestly.”

“Thanks, Bec,” I said flatly.

Luke scrubbed his hand over his face. “I couldn’t bear it if you hated me. I never meant to hurt anyone. I need you to know that.”

“I know that, but I appreciate you saying it.” Then she sighed. “I’m glad you’re okay, Luke,” she said again. “Call me tomorrow and we’ll talk some more. I’m heading out to dinner with the girls.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you, Blake, for finding his dumb ass. And for letting me know. I’ll tell our moms he’s not dead in a ditch somewhere. They’re both worried.”

Luke groaned. “I’ll call her tomorrow too.”

“Good. Now I can tell you’re lying in bed together and that’s something I don’t need to think about, so I’m gonna go.”

I snorted. “Thanks, Bec.”

She smiled as she ended the call, and Luke sighed as he handed me back my phone. I took a hold of his face and kissed his forehead, then his lips. “Told you she was okay with us. Do you feel a bit better about that now?”

He nodded and made a face, but then my stomach growled. “Hungry?”

“Uh, yeah. I can’t remember the last time I ate.”

Like, literally could not remember.

“You didn’t eat on the plane?”

“Eee. Con. Oh mee, Luke. I flew economy,” I whined. “There was no private jet, no leather seats, no personal attendants, no personal menus or chefs. But there were kids and a smell I can’t begin to describe.”

He laughed. Like, really laughed. Then he rolled off the bed, slapped me on the stomach, and said, “Come on, let’s go eat. Alma is a good cook.”

I got up off the bed. “Who is Alma, by the way?”

“She owns this place. It’s like a homestay-type thing. She lives here, but at the front of the house, and cooks the best food I’ve ever had. She’s really sweet.”

“She lied to me,” I whispered. “Totally pretended she’d never seen you. Lucky I came back to ask a second time. That’s when you turned up.”

“I’d been to the local market,” he said, opening the door. I followed him back down the stairs. “No one knows who I am here. It’s kinda awesome. I don’t know where my phone is. I’ve disconnected from the world, and honestly, I feel good for it. ”

“Except the whole leaving me and not telling anyone but Maddox where you went. I almost called the police, reported you as missing.”

He stopped in the barely lit kitchen. “You did?”

“Well, I thought about it. Then I thought maybe I should ask those crazy fans on social media to find you because they’re better at scoping shit out than the FBI.”

“Scoping, stalking. Potayto, potahto.”

I shrugged. “I was desperate. And anyway, they located this beach in the pic from Entertainment Tonight , so without them, I wouldn’t have known where to start.”

Luke gave me a sad smile. “I am sorry. But I’m really glad you found me.” His eyes met mine, and damn, if he didn’t blush. “I never thought for one second you’d feel the same.”

I put my forehead to his and slid my arms around his waist. “I never thought I would either,” I admitted gently.

“Until I realized I did. That I probably always had. That I just thought it was because you were my best friend and I thought best friends loved each other... differently. I don’t even know.

I had no idea. I was just living blind and pretending everything was great. ”

“When it wasn’t,” he said quietly.

I kissed him softly, then leaned my ass against the kitchen counter and sighed. “No.”

“You said before you’ve realized a lot of things,” he said. It wasn’t a question. Not exactly. He took some containers out of the fridge and began sorting some plates out, giving me time to get my thoughts in order.

“Yeah. The band, the guys, what we were, and what we are now. It’s all so different. We were just kids when Atrous started, and now we’re twenty-eight and Atrous is over, and I don’t recognize anything...” I frowned and looked down at my feet. Fuck this feeling. “I don’t recognize myself.”

Then Luke was in front of me, and with his finger under my chin, he lifted my face.

“I get it. I understand. It’s like all the fame, the concerts in front of eighty thousand people, the craziness of it, it’s like it wasn’t real.

None of it was real. It was all an act, a performance, and now that the spotlight’s gone, it’s hard to make sense of it.

It seems so long ago,” he said with a shrug. “I almost don’t recognize what’s left.”

I nodded. “Yes! Fuck, I thought it was just me that felt like this. Like, I don’t know where I fit in anymore. I don’t want the crazy bullshit. The protection details, the security, the stupid schedules. I don’t want that, but I feel like music has been taken away from me. And I miss it.”