Page 22 of Code Word (The Atrous #3)

TWELVE

I woke up to the blinding sun, a warm body pressed right up against me, and a raging hard-on.

Then I remembered.

Mexico.

Luke.

Kissing him.

Fuck. I’d kissed him.

I’d kissed my best friend.

And if I thought for one second the light of a new day would bring with it regret, I’d be wrong.

If anything, I was more certain.

I was never surer about anything.

My aching dick agreed.

Was it weird to be turned on by him? My best friend? A guy, no less. And why did he turn me on now when he never had before? I couldn’t really understand that part of it.

But was there any sliver of uncertainty?

Nope.

None.

But that didn’t mean I was about to let him feel my erection.

It was too soon for that. We needed to talk more. We needed to talk about the physical side of things and what that meant. If there would even be a physical side of things between us... we hadn’t got that far yet.

We needed to address a lot of things.

But first, I needed to get in the shower and deal with my dick.

With another soft kiss to the side of his head, I peeled his arm off me and slipped quietly into the bathroom.

Would he laugh his ass off at me for being hard? Would it be awkward?

Would he want to help me get rid of it? Join me in the shower, maybe...

Oh hell.

Yeah, thinking about that, putting that visual in my head, there was no hope of my boner going away on its own.

It was going to take a steaming hot shower, a soapy hand, and a vivid imagination. I soaped myself up, raking my hands all over my body, taking a few long pulls of my cock.

I had to bite back a groan so he wouldn’t hear me.

I stroked myself, squeezing the shaft, twisting my hand over the head, imagining it was Luke’s hand, Luke’s mouth.

I rolled my balls in my hand, imagining it was Luke’s tongue.

Picturing him on his knees, taking me in his mouth, sucking and groaning, my hand in his hair as he swallows...

I came so fucking hard.

My head spun and my vision waned as I shot my load, and I had to lean my arm against the tiles as I caught my breath and my world righted itself.

Holy fuck.

So intense.

So fucking hot.

And a first for me .

Thinking about sex with a guy. Wanting a man’s mouth on me, his hands.

Luke’s mouth. Luke’s hands.

Oh yeah.

We were gonna need to discuss sex.

I got out of the shower, and wrapping a towel around me, I opened the door. I half imagined him lying in bed laughing at me because he’d heard me jerking off, but nope. The bed was empty.

I was half relieved, half disappointed.

I found his clothes, pulled on some shorts and a T-shirt—which I think might have been mine, once upon a time—and went downstairs.

He was in the kitchen, wearing PJs, making toast and coffee, looking all sleep-rumpled and cute as hell. He smiled as soon as he saw me, and it made my heart stutter. He turned his back to me to butter the toast. “Want some toast?”

I walked straight up to him and wrapped my arms around him, my front to his back, resting my chin on his shoulder. “Hm.”

He held it up to my mouth and fed it to me. “Sleep okay?”

I chewed and swallowed, letting him go. “Best sleep I’ve had in a long time.”

He turned to face me, handing me a cup of coffee before he leaned against the counter and sipped his own. “Same.” Then he looked me up and down. “I see you found my clothes.”

“Pretty sure this shirt’s mine.”

He shrugged. “Probably. Didn’t you say everything of yours was mine? Pretty sure you said that.”

“I meant it too.” I smiled at him, and he smiled right back at me. Something warm and lovely shivered through me, and his eyes... I couldn’t look away. Luke’s smile got all shy and his cheeks went pink.

Fuck .

I really fucking liked it.

He laughed at himself and then held out the plate of toast. I took one and bit into it. “Is good, thanks.”

He nodded and went to sip his coffee but then put it down.

“Having second thoughts? Didn’t wake up in a panic or anything, wondering what on earth you were doing?

” He grimaced. “I just... I need to ask, that’s all.

It’s totally fine if you did. I get it. Waking up in bed with a guy, if you freaked out or something. Because I woke up and you were gone.”

I put my coffee and toast on the counter and wrapped him up in a crushing hug. “No regrets,” I whispered. “Did you?”

“No. Not at all. I just keep thinking it’s not real. That you’re gonna say uh, no, not for me, thanks .”

I pulled back; seeing the doubt in his eyes just about killed me.

I cupped his face and pressed my forehead to his.

“It’s real, Luke. I woke up thinking it was the best feeling in the world, that nothing had made more sense to me than waking up next to you.

And the only word I could use to describe it was home .

You feel like home to me. You are home to me. ”

He smiled and got a little teary. “Oh.”

“Aaaaand I had to have a shower because I also woke up with a hard-on. Figured it was far too soon for that.”

His eyes went wide, then he gave me a shove. He also laughed and went bright red. “Jesus, Blake.” He shoved me again. “A cold shower, really?”

I snorted. “Oh, it wasn’t cold. Believe me, hot water, a soapy hand?—”

He shoved me again, harder this time. “Shut the fuck up.”

I laughed as I picked up my coffee and took a sip. “I feel much better now, just so you know. And it was the first time I’d ever rubbed one out to fantasies of a guy, so...”

His eyes shot to mine, his cheeks burning red. “Blake.”

I shrugged it off, trying to play it cool. “You weren’t so shy in my fantasy, lemme tell ya. ”

He balked for real this time and kinda shied away, and I knew I’d gone too far.

I put my coffee down again and pulled him in for another hug.

It was easier to talk when he wasn’t looking at me.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I deal with shit with my terrible sense of humor, you know that.

I, um... I’m trying to get my head around everything, and joking is easier than admitting to being scared. ”

He relaxed in my arms then and eventually put his arms around me. “Scared, huh?”

“Shitless. That I’ll fuck this up; that you’ll leave me again. That you’ll wake up one day and realize this was a mistake, and then I’ll have nothing and no one.”

He sighed and pulled back, his eyes meeting mine. “I’m scared too.”

“And we shouldn’t be, right?” I asked. “Because it’s us.

Because you know me, like no one else will ever know me.

This is new, being like this with you is new, but it’s kinda familiar too.

We should just be us. No pressure, just the same as we always have been.

Best friends, but now we’re best friends with benefits.

” I cringed. “Well, if we decide that benefits is what you want. We need to talk about that, I guess.”

He smiled, ducking his face. “I think I would, yes. If you want that, I’m definitely down.”

I snorted. “Hell yes. I wasn’t kidding about the fantasy in the shower.”

He rolled his eyes, but his cheeks flushed. “I don’t want to rush it. I want to do what feels right.”

“Same,” I admitted.

“Were you kidding when you said you asked Becca about what our sex lives might look like?”

“No, I totally asked her.”

He cringed. “I kinda hoped you were joking...”

I shrugged. “I don’t know how these things work. But taking it slow and doing what feels right sounds perfect. ”

He smiled then, burying his face in my neck, and he hugged me for a long moment. “Thank you.”

“Whatcha thanking me for?” I asked, kissing the side of his head.

He pulled back. “For talking about this. And you’re right. This is us. Only better. Right?”

“Right.”

“We just have to be us.”

“Yep. Us. But now I can do this,” I said, tilting his chin up so I could press my lips to his.

That shy smile was back. “Yes, you can.”

Then he put his face back into the crook of my neck and my arms went around him so easily. We stayed like that for a long while, and I was content to never move. Looking over the top of his head out to the ocean, the sunshine, the peace. I coulda stayed like that forever.

But then he cleared his throat and pulled away, making a face and looking anywhere but at me. He backed up and turned around, heading for the stairs. “I, uh, I should go take a shower.”

I cottoned on immediately. “Five stars. Totally recommend jerking off.”

He shot me a pissy glare over his shoulder. “Shut the fuck up.”

I laughed and laughed, and he trudged up each step and gave me the bird before the door shut behind him.

I sighed happily—truly happy—finished my coffee and the remaining toast, then cleaned up. I went out to the patio, the warm salt air and sunshine felt amazing.

I lay back on the lounger and thumbed out a quick text to my folks.

In Mexico with Luke. Everything’s good now. Not sure how long for. Will be in touch .

Mom’s reply came straight through.

Becca let us know last night you were okay. Glad to hear it. Keep us posted. Love you.

I sighed.

Becca.

She really was the best, and I genuinely hoped our friendship would survive intact.

Being Luke’s sister aside, I really wanted her in my life.

She understood all the shit going on in my world and she seemed to be happy for Luke and me.

I just hoped it wouldn’t get weird for her or that I was asking too much.

Was it selfish of me to want her as a friend?

Maybe.

But I didn’t have many friends. I was beginning to wonder if I had any.

Outside of Luke, anyway.

It got me thinking about Wes, and how when he and Amy had the baby, he’d all but dropped out of our circle.

Or was it us not making the effort? Was it us excluding him?

Wes had a whole new life now, that was true. But I hated realizing how alone I was this last week, now Atrous was over, and I had to wonder if he felt the same.

So I sent him a text.