Page 21 of Code Word (The Atrous #3)

Luke’s eyes lit up and his hands gripped my arms. “Yes! Same. Fuck. I miss it. I’ve been writing songs and.

..” His smile died. “Well, they’re mostly songs about heartbreak and unrequited love, but it feels good.

I’ve missed music so much. I understand why Atrous had to end.

I do. I get it. We were all at a breaking point. ”

“But do you kinda feel a bit... I dunno. Like we were cheated out of what we wanted? Because it was Jeremy and Maddox who basically pulled the pin, even though we all agreed. They were done, and so it ended.”

Luke’s eyes met mine, shining in the dim kitchen light, and he nodded. “Yeah.”

I smiled, relieved. I should have known he’d feel the same. I should have fucking known it.

“We made a pact,” he said. “All those years ago. That it was the five of us or none of us. We did the farewell album and the first year off was like heaven. No schedules, no tours, no studios, no practice.” He tugged on the string on the hoodie, his mouth drawing down.

“But then after that, it was like I woke up and looked around and there was nothing. Nothing that I recognized, anyway.”

I put my hand to his face, to his cheek, and he leaned into it and closed his eyes. It was instinct to pull him in for a hug, and my god, I’d missed this.

I’d missed him so much .

I’d never noticed how perfectly he fit in my arms, how he fit against me. His face against my neck, his arms around me, holding me just as tight.

As right.

“I should have known you’d understand,” I whispered.

He nodded into my neck. “Fuck, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this.”

“I was just thinking that too.” I rubbed his back.

He inhaled deeply and tightened his arms around me. “Can we really just hug like this whenever we want now?”

I laughed and pulled back, cupping his face. “Yes. Please. I’d like that very much.” Then I found myself looking at his lips again, because they were right there, and now I knew how soft they were, how they felt. “I’d really like to kiss you again,” I whispered.

He grinned. “You can do that anytime you want now too.”

I pinched his chin between my thumb and finger. “Kinda hard when you’re grinning at me.”

He laughed and leaned up to kiss me instead, just a soft, sweet kiss. “I love you, Blake,” he said, and then my stomach growled super loud and ruined the moment.

“Okay, okay,” he said, going back to the containers of food on the counter. “I’m feeding you. When did you eat last?”

I let out a sigh. “I don’t know. I wanna say yesterday, but?—”

He shot me a look. “Blake.”

“It’s been a rough week. There was a pizza. I think Jeremy bought that, but I was still drunk. Bec did order some groceries, but I didn’t cook anything. I did have a lot of vodka, tequila, and bourbon. And Scotch. Not sure that counts though.”

He put the container of meat in the microwave. “Drinking alone, huh? Didn’t we have a pact about that too?”

I shrugged. “I wasn’t alone. I was with my own misery, and the twins self-loathing and self-sabotage were there. ”

He chuckled but his eyes were sorry.

“And anyway,” I added, “the pacts we made as Atrous don’t count anymore.”

He studied me for a second before coming to stand in front of me again. “Okay, so a new pact between you and me. No drinking alone.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

He smiled then. “And that we tell each other how we’re feeling. No more hiding anything. No more saying we’re fine when we’re not.”

“Deal. And you’re not allowed to leave me again.”

He smiled and offered me his pinkie. “Promise.”

I hooked my pinkie finger with his. “Promise.”

Then the microwave beeped, and the smell made me realize just how ravenous I was. He put together a quick fajita and I swear it was the best food I’d ever eaten.

“Holy fuck,” I said with a groan.

He laughed. “Told you Alma could cook.”

I inhaled three of them before I took a second to breathe. I took my time on the fourth, but then I was suddenly full and really freaking tired.

“I take it you didn’t sleep much either,” Luke said.

I shook my head. “Not if drinking until unconscious counts.”

He inhaled deeply and put the containers in the sink. “You need to sleep.”

I slow-blinked. “Yeah. It just hit me all of a sudden.” Then I remembered something. “Oh. I brought nothing with me. No clothes, no toothbrush.”

His smile was warm, as was his hand on my arm. “You really boarded a plane with nothing.”

“Phone, wallet, and passport, that’s it.”

He took my hand and threaded our fingers. “We’ll go shopping tomorrow.”

I nodded before he led me up the stairs. “Go through my clothes. Pick what you want. And you can use my toothbrush. I don’t mind.”

I wasn’t sure what was worse. Using someone else’s toothbrush or not brushing my teeth.

He showed me to the bathroom, and my heart skipped a beat when he scratched my three-day growth. “Not sure about this.”

“I was going for the homeless look. Helped with the anonymity when flying commercial.”

He grinned. “Well you nailed it.” His eyes met mine, searching for something, before he went to the door. “Do what you gotta do and get yourself into bed. I’ll just go clean up downstairs.”

“Uh . . .”

His gaze locked with mine. “My bed, yes. We’ve shared a bed hundreds of times.”

“I know, it’s just... I didn’t want to assume.”

He smiled, his eyes sparkling with humor. “Won’t be long,” he said, then left me to it.

I used the bathroom and decided that using my finger with toothpaste would have to do. I had a quick shower, scrubbing away the remnants of the last week, and I did shave. Feeling half human, I found a pair of Luke’s boxers and all but fell into bed.

I tried to keep my eyes open. I was nervous, but the lack of sleep over the last week was winning a battle I just couldn’t fight.

I closed my eyes, just a blink, and stirred when a warm body slid in next to me. I pulled him in close, like I always did. Held him, like I always did.

This was familiar, this was my safe place. But it felt new too.

And so fucking right.

He was everything I needed.

Like coming home .

He was where my soul felt at ease.

There was no doubt about crossing lines, about best friends, or even the fact he was a guy. None of it mattered. I loved this person. His heart, his mind.

His smile.

And even as I courted sleep, as my brain logged off, as he snuggled into me, I kissed the side of his head.

Like I’d done a hundred times.

So natural.

“Tell me this is real,” he whispered.

I sighed and pulled him closer into my arms, my heart full, my eyes unable to open. “So fucking real.”